“Jesus, Mom! What the hell?”
I know I shouldn’t freak out every time someone mentions that name but him finding out about Cereus is my worst fear, and after just letting him into my thoughts, she speaks his name. It’s as if he knows I thought about him. I know he’s locked behind bars and is probably so high on medication he doesn’t remember himself, let alone me, but the memory of his malice still haunts me. I gain my wits back and take a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. A cat ran out into the road,” I lie, and slowly move the car forward again. “Tell me more,” I say, forcing a smile.
“You look pale, Mom. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine, baby. Tell me more about the mall guy.”
“There’s nothing to tell, it was just one of those brief encounters with a stranger you hear about. The kind that make butterflies in your stomach and your heart pound a little faster. That’s never happened to me before.”
I’m excited that she’s opening up to me so much. I want to keep her talking despite hating the fact she’s growing up and can feel that way about a guy.
“Did he ask for your number?”
She exhales an annoyed sigh. “No, Mom. He bumped into me by accident and apologized and walked away.”
“You should have asked him for his,” I say with a grin, which she returns, and then shrugs.
“He was too old for me anyway, and I’m kinda seeing Matt.”
I leave the Matt topic alone. He made it apparent with his longing gazes that he has a thing for older women and has a blatant crush on his girlfriend’s mom.
I offered him a position as an intern when he graduates as a favor to Cereus, but I already regret it.
Can’t make dinner, baby. I’m sorry I RE-READ THE TEXT FROM Blake and kick my shoes off.
“Wow, Mom you look great!”
I look at Cereus in the mirror and offer a weak smile. “Thank you, baby.”
I stare back at myself and stroke my hands down the soft fabric of my new dress. It’s deep red and finishes just below the knee. It’s ambitious, hugging every curve, but Blake always makes me feel beautiful enough to pull this type of dresses off.
“What time are you meeting Dad?” she asks, standing behind me to finish pulling up the zip for me. I don’t want to tell her he cancelled again. I’m not the only one who’s picked up on the distance he’s putting between us.
“Soon, sweetheart. What are your plans for tonight?”
“I’m meeting Stacy at the cinema.”
An hour later she’s calling out her goodbye. The front door closes and I immediately strip the dress off and run a bath.
The hot water laps over my skin, wrapping me in bubbles. I sip my glass of wine and plug the dripping faucet with my toe. My head feels light from the alcohol I consumed before getting into the tub. I let my eyes close briefly, the warmth of the water soothing the busy day away, and the wine soothing the lonely feeling of being disengaged from my soul mate.
I look in the mirror at myself wearing the dress I planned to wear for Blake. The red material turns to liquid on my skin, dripping from me in rivers down my legs and puddling at my feet. I look back up and see Blake behind me in the mirror; my heart drums heavily in my chest. His hands reach around my throat and clasp around my windpipe, cutting off my air. I reach towards the reflection we’re casting, and closing my fist, I crash it down against the glass, shattering it to pieces. It falls away but another mirror is underneath. My reflection, now naked and bleeding, screams back at me and the man behind me is no longer Blake, but Ryan.
I gasp for air and water fills my lungs. I splutter and splash, clawing my way from the tub and landing in a wet heap on the floor. Goosebumps dust my skin as the cool air kisses my damp, exposed flesh. My heart is racing, adrenaline floods my veins. Placing a hand on my chest to calm myself, I take a few deep breaths. The water around me that sloshed from the tub is freezing, giving me a good indication that I was in there for far too long, and I was reckless to drink so much before taking a bath. I pick myself up and jump when I see my reflection in the mirror. I want to scream and throw something through it. How can old nightmares come back like this?
I pull on my robe and towel dry my hair then crawl into bed and lie there, too afraid to sleep.
STACY INFORMED ME SHE’S GOING to see a movie with Cereus tonight. She calls her C and I hate it. How lazy do you have to be to shorten a name down to one letter? I’ve been waiting for the time Stacy told me she’s meeting Cereus so I can call her last minute and make her think I want her to meet me instead. From the little time I’ve spent with Stacy, I know she’ll leave Cereus alone at the theatre if it means she can meet up with me.
My plan works perfectly, and I’m now standing behind a furious Cereus who has just been abandoned by her friend. She looks back down at her cell and her fingers fly over the screen.
“Unbelievable,” she breathes.
“Your hot date stand you up?” I ask over her shoulder, making her jump. Her head turns briefly before going back to her phone then slowly returns to look over at me with surprise alight in her emerald eyes. She looks around to see who I’m with, and her eyes settle back on my face when she concludes I’m alone.
“Some people would say she’s hot, I suppose.” She smiles then slips her phone into her jeans pocket and folds her arms over her chest. “You?”
“Yes. People always say I’m hot,” I quip, making her smile brighten and reach her eyes. “No, no date. I only came over because I saw you.”
Her head flinches back and she lets out a nervous laugh. “Really?”
“Really.”
I look around at the empty street. The ticket booth queue is now empty and everyone has gone inside to watch whatever shit is playing.
“Did you want to watch a movie or do you fancy grabbing something to eat?” I ask.
She’s wary; her eyes keep darting around to see if there are other people around and she’s taken a step back from me.
I reach out and place my arm on her shoulder. “You’re safe with me,” I reassure her, and for once I mean it. I have no plans for her yet.
“That’s what serial killers say,” she jokes, with no clue how close she is to the truth.
“Met many have you?” She’s still reluctant, I can tell by her stiff posture. “How about I promise not to kill you tonight?” I mock with a smirk.
“A little creepy, but you’re on.”
I guide her across the street with my hand on the small of her back to a burger joint energetic with people to give her a sense of ease.
I order us both a burger and fries and she adds a shake. My phone vibrates a few times with texts from Stacy asking where she’s supposed meet me.
“Everything okay?” Cereus asks when she sees me checking the messages.
I turn the phone off. “Everything’s fine. Sorry.”
We wait for the food to arrive and although I’m hungry I don’t get as enthusiastic as others about sustenance. People at their booths almost worship the food laid out before them, but for me it’s just a means to an end and an annoying vice I hate being bound by.
“So who were you meeting tonight?” I ask, before attempting to bite from the burger stacked too high to fit in anybody’s mouth.
Cereus slurps at her shake and then chews at her bottom lip. She picks up her phone, slides her thumb over the screen then slips it across the table, gesturing for me to look. On the screen is Cereus pulling a face and Stacy hugging her from behind with her tongue out.
“My ‘best friend.’” She uses her fingers to air quote. She eats a few fries before continuing. “She’s my only real friend. She likes me despite me being a bitch most days but she also drops me whenever a guy pays her any interest.”