I saw Lilah coming back in through the back doors of the clubhouse, her face pale, eyes red. When she saw me approach, she sighed. “He is outside.”
She went back to Mae and the other bitches sitting around on couches, fawning over the sonogram. Ky’s bitch smiled and nodded, but her expressions were flat, her fucking eyes were just as dead as Ky’s had been.
I left through the back door and found Ky sitting on the farthest bench. The brother had already drunk a quarter of the bottle. It’d been nearly full only minutes ago.
I sat down and saw Ky’s body tense. If it was anyone else, I knew he’d tell them to fuck off. But it was me. I wouldn’t be going anywhere and he couldn’t do fuck all about it.
“Y-You g-gonna tell me wh-what the f-fuck is g-going on?” I asked, stuttering all the merry fucking way. Didn’t care. This was Ky. The stutter was nothing to him.
Ky didn’t give me an answer, just kept knocking back the bourbon. He stared out over the surrounding forest, not saying shit. Ky Willis was never quiet; it was fucking impossible to shut his fucking smart mouth.
“Cute kid you look like you’re havin’, Prez,” he said, his voice getting rougher and deeper as he spoke. He didn’t move for a good few seconds, then turned his head to me and said, “Real happy for you, Styx. Real fuckin’ happy. You and your bitch deserve this.”
My eyebrows pulled together when I saw his eyes getting red. Ky turned his head away. “T-tell me what th-the fuck is wr-wrong.”
Ky’s head tipped back and he stared at the sky. He took a few deep breaths, then his head dropped forward again. “Li was pregnant.”
My eyes widened, excitement for my brother building . . . then I realized he’d said was. Ice filled my veins, and my stomach fucking dropped to the ground.
“Ky.” I didn’t know what else to damn well say.
Ky took a drink from his bottle, then sagged on the bench, broken. “We didn’t even know she was. Woke up last week with her bleedin’ and hurtin’ like fuck.”
“Wh-wh-wh . . . ” My words stuck in my throat. I signed, “What?”
Ky nodded slowly. “Took her to the hospital that night. Didn’t tell no one; Li didn’t want to. She suspected what it was, so didn’t want Mae or Maddie to know. She’d been sick for a few days but thought she just had a cold. Turns out we were losin’ the baby we didn’t even know she was carryin’.”
I closed my eyes when I thought back to us walking into the clubhouse, Mae holding our sonogram picture proudly. All fucking smiles. She’d be devastated if she knew about Lilah. And I knew she didn’t; Mae told me everything.
Unable to find words, I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and pulled my brother close. I kissed him on the head and heard him sigh deeply. When he lifted up, I could see the fucking tears in his eyes. “Went to the hospital a few days ago for tests. Docs don’t think Li will be able to carry, too much trauma from . . . ” He let the end of the sentence hang in the air.
“The cult,” I finished, for once stutter-free.
Ky downed another five gulps of liquor and nodded. “Yeah. Fuckers gang raped my bitch and now those cunts are the reason I ain’t gonna be a papa anytime soon. Worse still, Li ain’t gonna be a mama.” He laughed without humor. “She’d have been a fuckin’ good mama, Styx. So damn kind and pure, ya know?” Something stabbed in my stomach at how fucking sad he sounded. Ky leaned forward, pushing his hand through his long blond hair. “She has too much scar tissue from the gang rape, among a shit-ton of other things. Needs surgery to fix it if she’s to have any chance of having kids one day. Even then it might never happen. Best outcome, she’ll have a slim hope in hell’s chance. She goes in next week, ‘cause she still wants to cling to that hope, ya know? She still wants a fuckin’ chance for us to be parents even if it’s never likely to happen.” A choked sound came from his chest. “Tells me she still wants to do it for me. So I can be a papa like I deserve. To have a son to carry on my name . . . Christ . . . ”
Ky drank again then shook his head. “All those doctors and nurses looked at me and my patch like I was the reason she was so fucked up inside. I swear, man, I was one fuckin’ word away from stabbing them all in their throats. Lilah practically broke my hand tryin’ to keep me calm.”
I slapped my hand on his back. Ky laughed again. A friggin’ broken, agonized laugh. “Just when I think we’ve seen the back of those cult fuckers, something happens to bring them back into our lives. They’re like herpes—impossible to fuckin’ kill.”
“I’m sorry,” I signed. “You should have told me.”
“You’re happy, Styx. No reason to bring you down. This shit is just what it is. She’s my fuckin’ woman; it’s my pain to deal with.”
I took the bottle of Jack from Ky’s hand and took a long drink. Ky sighed, but I heard the anger bubbling inside, saw the fury racking his face. “I swear, brother,” he said, his tone graveled and cold, “if I could walk into that fuckin’ commune I would. And I’d kill every one of those pedophilic cunts. I’d skin Rider, toss his dead body on a fire for standing by and letting them do it to her. But Judah, the psycho twin that ordered all that shit on Li, I’d really have fun with that piece of shit.” Ky’s voice cracked and my heart fucking broke for him. “I’ve sinned. Fuck knows I have. I deserve to be punished. But Li? She’s the sweetest bitch there is, yet this happens to her? Not only is she raped over and over by those sick cunts, then she’s burned, lashed. She scars up her beautiful face because she thinks she’s devil-created . . . and now she might not be able to have kids? How the fuck is any of this fair?”
Tears dropped from Ky’s eyes. I was about to speak when someone moved past me.
Lilah.