“Change happens, and things have to be different. They can be better or worse, but time always goes forwards. I learned that the hard way,” said Cindy.
“I know you did,” said Mattheus. “Hell, after Shelly disappeared I spent years blaming myself, stayed away from women, was terrified of love. I was sure something terrible would happen again with the next woman I got close to.”
Listening to him, Cindy felt her old respect for him returning. He was manning up, looking at things squarely.
“But when I met you it was different,” Mattheus voice grew softer.
Cindy wanted to cry again, but wouldn’t let herself. Her feelings were all mixed together, love, desire, fear and sorrow. And, the words of her sister also rang in the back of her mind. You don’t really know him, only think you do.
“What are you thinking?” Mattheus turned to her then.
“That it takes time to know a person,” said Cindy.
“What else?” Mattheus wanted more.
“Cindy said nothing.
“I love you, Cindy,” Mattheus cried out suddenly, “and I want to give it another try.”
The waves seemed to grow stronger against the reef.
“Will you come back to Grenada with me?” asked Mattheus.
“Not now, not yet. We’re not finished here,” Cindy managed.
“We’re finished, we’re finished,” Mattheus intoned loudly. “The case is over. Shelly’s dead. We found the killer.”
“I’m unsettled about it,” said Cindy. “I want to speak to Katrina again.”
“Why in the world?” Mattheus seemed agitated.
“I have a gut feeling there’s more. It will help in the long run.”
“Listen,” Mattheus pulled her closer, “we can leave the rest in the police’s hands. They’ve got the right guy. They’ll dig up whatever supporting evidence they need.”
“I just want to speak to Katrina one more time. It was something about the way she kept telling Flan she loved him, and the way he said he loved Shelly more. It bothered me.”
“It was the ravings of two crazy people,” Mattheus declared. “They’re both totally out of their minds.”
“They are,” said Cindy, “and that’s why I’m going to visit her one more time.”
Mattheus began stroking Cindy’s face. “If you have to visit Katrina once more, you have to, but first you need a good, long sleep.”
Cindy smiled. He was right about that. Waves of exhaustion had started coming upon her.
“I’d love to hold you in my arms all night long,” Mattheus whispered. “Will you stay in my room with me tonight?”
Cindy quivered deeply. There was nothing more she’d love than to be nestled in Mattheus’s arms. But it was too soon, too much had gone on. She couldn’t go yet.
“Not tonight,” she said softly. “I need to keep my head clear.”
Mattheus started kicking the water with his feet. “There were plenty of nights we slept together and your head was clear the next day. You got up and worked on cases.”
“That was then, Mattheus,” said Cindy.
“I get it,” said Mattheus, “now things have changed.”
*
Cindy slept later the next morning than she’d planned to and ordered in an early lunch in her room. Not only did she need the rest, she needed time alone. It would take a while to sort everything out and she didn’t want to be rushed. Her feelings for Mattheus were a jumble, love, fear, longing, aversion. Her time at the Shelter also jarred her, gave her a larger perspective on everything.
After lunch, Cindy called a cab and took it back to Katrina’s home. She didn’t want to call or let her know she’d be coming. It would be better to surprise her; she’d be less able to prepare.
As the cab wound its way back to Katrina’s home, Cindy decided to check with the Police Station a call to see if Katrina might be there with Flan.
Alex picked up the phone right away.
“I’m on my way to Katrina’s house,” Cindy told him, “just checking to see if she’s at the Station?”
“There’s no reason for you to go there,” said Alex, “we got things covered.”
“I want to,” said Cindy.
“Leave Katrina alone,” Alex advised. “She’s a loose wire and tremendously upset that Flan’s in custody. I told you, we’re on the case. We’ll handle everything.”
“Is she still at the Station?” Cindy repeated, suddenly wondering if it were foolish to go.
“Man, you’re relentless,” said Alex. “Katrina was here all morning and left a little over an hour ago. She’s devastated. She really loves the guy and really cared about Shelly. Shelly was her counselor.”
“I know that,” said Cindy.
“They were like sisters,” Alex continued, “What more do you want to ask her?”