Date: October 22, 2008 3:05 a.m.
To: [email protected]
Subject: The Poop Club
Aaron,
Don’t even worry about. I’m glad you’re fine.
Thank you for inviting me to this exclusive club I regret admitting being a member of. :) When and why did you step in it? It = poop.
Kidney stones from the water. Whoa. You guys drink a ton of it too to stay hydrated, don’t you? I had a friend who passed stones once. She said it was almost as bad as giving birth, and she doesn’t have your… parts… genitals… you know what I mean.
Me? A hustler? Busted. After my parents split up, money was tight (remember I mentioned making my own Halloween costumes?). I made lemonade and babysat every weekend. When I was old enough to get a job, I didn’t have a car so I couldn’t get a normal job, and we lived too far away to walk anywhere (don’t get me started on my mom thinking if I took the bus I would end up on a milk carton—keep in mind people haven’t been putting kids’ faces on milk cartons since the 80s). What I made during the weekends helping my aunt do patch-ups jobs and making random ice-skating outfits for my sister and other girls in her classes was enough to make up for not working after school.
If you want, you can tell me which two romances you read that you enjoyed. I’m curious, and by curious, what I’m trying to tell you is that I want to read them.
No judging, right? I’ve read Twilight more times than I can count, The Alchemist, Pride and Prejudice, and The Chronicles of Narnia over and over and over again.
The fabric I used for her dress is really hard to work with, but the adorning (the beads and crystals) were a giant pain in the butt. If anyone else had asked for it, I would’ve charged them an arm and a leg or said no, but I couldn’t say no to my sister. I didn’t want her to skate in front of hundreds of people looking raggedy.
My brother switched the salt with the sugar the day before Thanksgiving. Every dessert was ruined and the turkey… no. No. He deserved what he got. We ended up having to go to KFC to buy food. I have the video on my phone of him and the airbag if you want to see it. It’s just about my favorite thing in the world.
My dumb story of the week: I walked into a glass patio door yesterday. There’s still a red mark on my forehead. Enjoy that.
Take care,
Ruby
From: [email protected]
Date: October 26, 2008 1:41 p.m.
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: The Poop Club
Ruby,
Did you pee in a dark corner at Mardi Gras too? I stepped in crap at a music festival once. Pissed me off for days, and I had to throw away my shoes.
It’s tough staying hydrated in the desert. I drink gallons a day and pee all the time. You sweat nonstop for hours, but on some days, even if you think you’re drinking enough water, you might only go twice. Those are the days you have to worry.
I can’t remember the titles of those books I read. Not lying, I’m being for real. The names were familiar though. I’m sure they carry them at the grocery store.
The only one of those you mentioned that I’ve read has been Chronicles of Narnia, but the rest I haven’t. Sparkly vampires aren’t my thing. :] The only book I’ve reread in my life was Ender’s Game. Have you read that one?
The thing about your mom thinking you were going to get kidnapped made me laugh. If she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t worry. Did you use your lemonade money to buy a sewing machine? My sister used to have one of those things that puts beads on clothes. Did you have one of those? I just realized you’ve mentioned being close to your brothers and sisters but not your parents. Do they live close by? Did they remarry?
You stitched each bead on your sister’s dress? It looks like there’s a thousand on there.
All right, the thing with your brother makes sense. You don’t ruin Thanksgiving dinner. Did he learn his lesson? My family was never into pranks. If I would’ve done that, they all would’ve lost it, and not in the same way.
Send a picture of your forehead.
-A
From: [email protected]
Date: October 30, 2008 12:17 p.m.
To: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you
Ruby,
I got your package in the mail today. Thank you for my pizza kit. Freeze dried cheese? I read your instructions step by step twice. How’d you figure out melting it would work? I’ve already had people trying to buy it off me… the movies, pictures and snacks too. The salt and vinegar chips will be gone in two days max. Thanks a lot.
Hope you’re okay.
-Aaron
Chapter 6
November
From: [email protected]
Date: November 1, 2008 2:01 a.m.
To: [email protected]
Subject: Surprise!
Aaron,
I’m glad you got the package! I wasn’t sure how long it would take to get there. Besides sending my brother things (and he’d never tell me he got them or say thank you), I’ve only sent one other person care packages (not the “tick lick” guy). I dragged my brother with me to Target and made him help me choose things for you. I put my thinking cap on to figure out how I could send you cheese that wasn’t perishable (there aren’t that many options) and then experimented a lot. I ruined a pound of the freeze-dried stuff before I got the measurements for the water to cheese ratio correct to rehydrate it. It isn’t the best tasting pizza in the world, and if you hate it, my feelings won’t be hurt. :)
I bought and sent you a few books yesterday. Only books, nothing else, don’t get too excited. Hope you don’t care about surprises. I don’t.
Me? Find a dark spot to pee in? Busted. I’m crying laughing. I made my friend keep an eye out for me while I did it. Now I need to text her and remind her about it so she can laugh too. Did someone you know tell you they had to do that? There’s nowhere to pee!
Worrying about how much you pee in a day is something I never even thought about. Do they give you bottles of water or do you reuse them?
You “don’t remember the titles.” Okay. Right. I pinky swear I won’t judge whatever your read. Hint, hint, hint.
I read Twilight right after it came out. I was 19. This is a judgment-free zone, remember? Have I read Ender’s Game? Is there a moon in the sky? I’m kidding. Yes, I did, and I enjoyed it a lot.
I know my mom loves me. You can’t be that overprotective if you didn’t love someone, and there’s no one more protective than my mom. If she could have given me everything I ever wanted, she would have. After my parents separated, we all stayed with her. My dad moved back to San Francisco. That’s where most of his family lives. He has a sister who lives here in Houston. The only reason my parents moved here (Texas) was because of my mom’s family. My dad hated living here. He says the humidity reminded him too much of the Philippines when he was a kid.
I still see my dad at least once a year. He comes down to visit, and I try to go see him sometimes in Cali. He got remarried a few years ago to a nice woman with three kids who are cool. My mom on the other hand… she’s been remarried three times since him. Husband #4 is five years older than me.
There’s one thousand two hundred and four beads/sequins on the dress I made her. Good guess.
My brother didn’t learn his lesson. On Christmas that year, he brought a pan of brownies. Pot brownies. Everyone except my little sister ended up high as a kite. It was probably the best Christmas I’ve ever had since I was a kid. It was a lot of fun even though my mom got really mad afterward.
Why weren’t your parents into pranking? Are they really serious? Not that there’s anything wrong with it, just curious.