“Because you make me happy, Ruby. Because there’s no one else I want to be around more.”
In any other circumstance, I might have fainted, but I didn’t. Every piece of my sanity was going nuts, and I couldn’t line everything up and put it back in order yet. Not while I had a thousand questions and insecurities bouncing around in my head. “But you don’t…,” I stammered, trying to think of why I would be ruining this moment and then remembering. “This was a real crappy idea.”
His eyelids hung so low over his irises I almost couldn’t see them. “Why’s that?” he asked slowly.
“Because I’m crazy about you too, but this wouldn’t work out. I think I might have rather not known,” I told him honestly.
“Why is this a bad idea? Why wouldn’t it work?” he whispered almost cautiously.
“Because!” I hissed at him.
“Because what?”
“Because you know I want to get married someday,” I told him quickly. “And you don’t.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“But mostly because you don’t want to tell me things for whatever reason,” I responded, almost quietly. “I care about you so much… I love you, Aaron, but I don’t want to get shut out. I told you yesterday. Every time I ask you something you don’t want to answer, you don’t. You tell me almost everything, I think, but the things you don’t….” I shrugged. “I don’t want you to be alone. I want you to know I’m here, even if it’s just as a friend. But I can’t love you when you just brood about things and bury them inside you. I get how it is, I get there’s a lot you don’t want to tell me because I wouldn’t understand, but I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff where that isn’t the case.”
Aaron stared down at me for so long, I thought I’d made him change his mind, and I wanted to believe I would have been all right with that because I didn’t want to be with someone who held so much back from me. That wouldn’t be fair. But finally, finally, one palm left my waist and cupped the back of my head, gently coaxing it forward until my cheek rested against his pectoral. Aaron hugged me to him, his chest expanding greatly beneath me. His words were soft. “I’m sorry, Ru. You’re right. I shouldn’t. I’ve told you almost everything. What do you want to know?”
There were multiple things, I knew there were. And I was glad he wasn’t pretending like there was just one. So I picked the big one, the one that had been turning my stomach for days, and I asked.
“Who’s been calling the house making you mad?”
I felt his sigh beneath my cheek. “My birth mom.”
“What happened?”
He sighed again, the hand on the back of my head slid down my spine to land on my waist. “She’s been calling since she knows I’m back in the States,” he explained. “We don’t…. All right, I don’t like to talk to her or about her, I’m sorry. I’m sure you can tell from our messages. She left when I was little. She cheated on my dad. I remember her saying how unhappy she was. How it had been him that wanted kids and she was the one stuck at home raising us while he worked all the time. How we weren’t what she’d wanted out of her life.
“One day, she just upped and left. We didn’t hear from her or see her for the next six years, until I was thirteen. The only reason she tried to come back was to ask for more money than she’d gotten in the divorce. I hadn’t even known they’d gotten divorced, you know?”
I squeezed my eyes closed and nodded into him, focusing on the arms at my sides.
“About ten years ago, she came back again, claiming she’d found religion again and said she wanted to have a relationship with us. She talked my brother Colin into it, but Paige and I didn’t fall for her shit. We know how things are with her. She only comes around when she wants something from my dad, mostly money, once a car. She’s been calling the house, and I know that’s what she’s working up to, and it just… it pisses me off, Ruby. It messes with my head. She broke my dad when she left. She….” He let out another breath. “But he got over it and moved on and… some days, I still can’t.”
I knew what it was like to not have two parents around at the same time, but my dad had always been a call away. Always. “I’m sorry, Aaron.”
He shrugged in front of me. “I’m sorry for not telling you. I don’t talk about it. Her. You know what I mean.”
“I might have not wanted to tell you either,” I admitted to him. “I’m sorry she’s like that though.”
“I told you, the crazy ones like me. It runs in the family,” he said, almost like he was trying to make a joke.
“I’m not crazy and I like you,” I told him, trying to sound like I was joking when I really wasn’t.
Aaron pulled me in close to him again, his mouth lowering so that he could speak directly into my ear. “You’re not crazy. You’re the best, and you deserve better than me, but I hope you don’t care.”
I was not going to have a panic attack or much less faint. Not me. Not me. Maybe I’d just slide to the floor, worst case. This is not a dream, I told myself. I repeat, this is not a dream. You are awake.
I didn’t want to believe him. I really didn’t. But…
“You think I’d do for anybody else what I do for you?” he asked, reminding me that he’d always been able to read my mind.
I was no match. Maybe it made me na?ve that I wanted to believe he cared about me so much, but I didn’t care. I didn’t. I didn’t need to think about the way he was with me to know it was real.
Because I knew what it was like when it wasn’t real, and this wasn’t it. Not even close. It was as far from being fake as you could get.
Because this was Aaron.
“You’re sure?” I whispered.
His “hmm” was rumbled into my hair.
“For sure-for sure?”
He chuckled into my hair, roughly. “For sure.”
“I need to make sure I’m not misunderstanding this, okay?” I asked, almost croaking, and he laughed again, all low and sexy and almost confident, nodding. “Don’t laugh. I’m being serious.”
“Okay.” He still chuckled, his hands flexing at my waist. “I’m sorry for not telling you things, RC. I really am. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to tell things to.” Aaron pulled away from me just enough so he could look down and I could look up at him. “I know I told you I don’t know about marriage and all that, but…” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “The idea of you being with somebody else… even just texting them… him… even before I saw your face or heard your voice, Rube… I don’t want you with anybody else. You’re my Ruby, and you have been for a long time.”
There was no doubt in my mind I swooned. Hard. My sister Tali would have smacked me in the face, and Jasmine would have told me to grow up. Maybe I should have questioned this more. Maybe I should have thought about this more, but I wasn’t going to. I knew what I felt. I could sense what Aaron felt. What more did I need?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“Does that mean you want to kiss me?” I just went and blurted out.
He didn’t vocally laugh, but I could sense the vibrations coming from his chest before he said, grinning down at me, “Uh-huh.”
He wanted to kiss me. Aaron wanted to kiss me.
“Not as a friend?” I clarified.
“Not as a friend,” he confirmed, amusement tingeing his words.
“Are you telling me this because you know I’m not a virgin now?”
There was a pause. He froze again. And then the next thing I knew, Aaron had dipped his face into my neck, over my hair. And he was laughing, laughing, as he kissed where my throat would be, and everything in me just went nuts. “No,” I thought he said. “I was going to tell you at some point. Tomorrow I think. You’re just always rushing me.”
I snorted even as I felt like I was falling into quicksand, into this place I didn’t know what to do in.
Aaron liked me? Aaron. Liked. Me?
I guess the signs had been there.
And still… “What are we supposed to do now?”
His chuckle was soothing, his palm going to the small of my back as those brown eyes stared into mine with more love and affection than I knew what to do with. “Whatever you want, RC. Keep doing what we’ve been doing. We’ll figure it out.”