RubyMars: Not condoms. WTF.
RubyMars: I found women’s underwear shoved into the cushions of his couch. I was looking for the remote and ta-da! Lacey black underwear. It was straight out of a bad date movie. I couldn’t wash my hands fast enough afterward.
RubyMars: What I really want to know is, how does someone leave somewhere without their underwear on? Is that a thing? That really happens?
AHall80: …
AHall80: RC, the joy you bring to my life… I can never pay you back.
RubyMars: I’m being serious!
AHall80: I know you are :]
AHall80: I’ve never had girls’ panties lying around my place.
AHall80: …I did find some at Max’s place a few times. That is a good question though. If I couldn’t find my boxers, I’d look for them.
RubyMars: That’s what I’m saying. Underwear isn’t cheap.
AHall80: Lol
AHall80: What’d you do? Leave?
RubyMars: No. When he came back from the kitchen, I showed them to him.
AHall80: You didn’t RubyMars: I did. I wasn’t a jerk about it, I just said “I think someone you know is missing something.” He started apologizing. He basically turned purple, stuttered for a minute straight and said they were probably his ex-girlfriend’s, blah, blah, blah.
RubyMars: “Probably his ex-girlfriend’s.” Am I that na?ve?
AHall80: You’re sweet AHall80: But a little. Not that na?ve though.
RubyMars: That’s what I thought.
AHall80: And then?
RubyMars: Then it was awkward, but we ate dinner, watched the movie, and I went back to my house. He’s texted me a few times saying he’s sorry and things like that, but I’m not going out with him again.
AHall80: Didn’t like him enough to forgive him?
RubyMars: More like it’s nasty he hasn’t vacuumed his cushions since he broke up with his ex. I’m a slob. I can’t date another slob.
AHall80: …
RubyMars: :) RubyMars: Anyway, enough about me. What about you? Any dates since you got back?
AHall80: Nah. I got other things to spend my money on right now than buying some overpriced drinks at a bar to pick somebody up.
RubyMars: Remember that time you told me it was a bad idea to pick up women at a bar?
AHall80: Har har
RubyMars: Har har, lol
Ahall80: I only got one girl I’m interested in right now.
RubyMars: Oh?
Ahall80: Lady Liberty RubyMars: And you think I’m cheesy.
Ahall80: I’ve never said you were cheesy RubyMars: ….
Ahall80: All right maybe once, but it was your joke that was cheesy. Not you.
RubyMars: Yeah yeah.
RubyMars: Are you getting any sleep?
AHall80: Not much, my times are screwed up.
RubyMars: Melatonin, ever heard of it?
AHall80: It’s only 7 p.m., it’s too early for sassy time.
RubyMars: :) RubyMars: It’s never too early for sassy time.
RubyMars: I’m really glad you made it back okay.
AHall80: Me too, Rubes.
AHall80: I’ll msg you soon.
10:03 p.m. (the next day) AHall80: Made it to Shreveport RubyMars: Finally.
AHall80: What are you doing?
RubyMars: Watching some movie with my little sister.
RubyMars: What are you doing? I thought you’d be hanging out with your friends.
AHall80: They’re playing Need for Speed next to me.
AHall80: We went out to eat right after they picked me up.
AHall80: What movie are you watching?
RubyMars: Do they live together?
RubyMars: Killer Klowns from Outer Space
AHall80: Max and Des? No. Des is staying here tonight though. He’s already drank half a bottle of vodka.
AHall80: What the hell is that?
RubyMars: How much have you drank?
RubyMars: It’s a movie… about killer clowns from outer space, lol.
AHall80: Two beers and 1/8 of the vodka.
AHall80: I’m good.
AHall80: I guess it’s late enough for the sassy to come out?
AHall80: Is the movie like what I’m thinking it’s like?
RubyMars: I bet you’re good, lol.
RubyMars: The sass is out.
RubyMars: Are you asking if the movie is so over the top it’s hilarious with some really interesting costumes? Yes.
AHall80: Lol
RubyMars: Have fun with Max and Des. :)
2:14 a.m.
AHall80: Ruby
AHall80: U there?
RubyMars: Hey
AHall80: What do you look like?
RubyMars: Like a girl…?
AHall80: I think u shud come visit RubyMars: Are you drunk?
AHall80: No
AHall80: Maybe AHall80: A litl
RubyMars: Okay
AHall80: Youll come visit?
RubyMars: No, I mean, okay you’re drunk, lol.
AHall80: U wont come visit?
RubyMars: Ask me tomorrow when you aren’t plastered.
AHall80: Ur not saying no
RubyMars: I’m not saying yes either. :) AHall80: Think about it
RubyMars: Okay
AHall80: Ur like my little sister RubyMars: Okay
AHall80: I’m wearing the socks you sent me
RubyMars: You are?
AHall80: Yeah
AHall80: I’m gonna go to sleep RubyMars: Good idea :) RubyMars: Night night. Sleep on your stomach.
AHall80: K nite
12:16 p.m.
AHall80: I am so damn sorry about last night RubyMars: What are you talking about?
AHall80: The messages I sent
RubyMars: What messages?
AHall80: The drunk ones
RubyMars: What drunk ones?
AHall80: ….
AHall80: You responded to them
RubyMars: I KNOW
RubyMars: LOL
RubyMars: Just wanted to mess with you.
AHall80: …
AHall80: I drank too much
RubyMars: I could tell :) AHall80: Sorry RubyMars: You don’t have anything to be sorry about. You aren’t the first person to text me drunk.
RubyMars: You know who else texted me drunk last night?
AHall80: Who?
RubyMars: That guy I went on a date with. Panties-in-the-couch guy.
RubyMars: He was all “sory bout the othe nite. Ur just rly pretty.”
AHall80: What’d you tell him?
RubyMars: I didn’t respond, lol.
AHall80: Who else drunk texts you?
RubyMars: Everyone. My brothers, my sister, my friends. They know I’m awake so they do it.
RubyMars: What are you doing today?
AHall80: Nothing. They’re all hungover.
RubyMars: And you’re not?
AHall80: Nah
RubyMars: Liar.
AHall80: :]
AHall80: Yeah, I’m lying. I got a headache.
AHall80: I don’t think I’ll ever be able to smell vodka the same way again RubyMars: Lol
RubyMars: I’m not going to say that’s what you get, but…
AHall80: That’s what I get.
AHall80: Har har
AHall80: I read what I wrote you a minute ago, sorry for being weird.
RubyMars: It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean anything by it.
AHall80: Not that I don’t want to meet you
RubyMars: I get it. People say stuff when they’re drunk.
AHall80: Yeah they do
AHall80: But I wouldn’t mind meeting you.
RubyMars: …are you still drunk?
AHall80: No
AHall80: For real
RubyMars: Maybe one day. :) RubyMars: When are you leaving for Scotland?
AHall80: In a few days. On the 18th.
RubyMars: I meant to e-mail you. You should look into getting waterproof shoes or boots for your trip. I watched this episode on one of the travel channels that they filmed there and they talked about how unpredictable the weather was. Rainy one minute, blue skies the next.
AHall80: Huh
AHall80: That’s not a bad idea.
RubyMars: Maybe take a rain jacket too.
AHall80: Yeah, good idea. I’ll see if I can buy some boots today to give me some time to break them in.
RubyMars: Yeah, you don’t want to end up with blisters while you’re over there. :) AHall80: Yeah.
AHall80: I’m going to head out. I’ll msg you later.
9:22 p.m.
AHall80: Hey
RubyMars: Hey
RubyMars: How was your day?
AHall80: Fine
AHall80: Just got back from a run to the store, glad to be done with that
RubyMars: What store?
AHall80: The big store RubyMars: “The big store.” That narrows it down.
RubyMars: Why do I feel like there’s more to this story?
AHall80: Heh
AHall80: Nothing happened. It just made me realize how many things I don’t miss after a year away.
RubyMars: What else haven’t you missed?
AHall80: Traffic AHall80: People with problems that aren’t really problems RubyMars: :) RubyMars: I wanted to ask but didn’t want to ask, are you handling being back fine so far?