You’re not an idiot. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I hope you know that. You’re a nice girl. You never said anything to him though? What finally made you give up after so long? You’re not lame or stupid. I’m just… surprised… shocked. You had to feel some kinda way to put your life on hold like that.
I’m sure you weren’t missing out on the love of your life or anything like that by not having a couple boyfriends. Sounds like your life has been pretty good if you ask me.
The longest I was ever with someone was that ex.
I’ve never lived in California, but I’ve been to visit a few times.
-A
P.S. I don’t know if I’ll ever believe you.
From: [email protected]
Date: December 5, 2008 1:13 a.m.
To: [email protected]
Subject: My Name is Ruby and I’m an Idiot
Aaron,
Well, my sister won’t be picking up guys half her age. She’s gay. Her last girlfriend she had for a few years, but she wants kids and the girlfriend didn’t. I hadn’t really liked her in the first place. She wasn’t good enough for Anatalia (my sister). Having a little sister, I’m sure you’d feel the same way about her having a boyfriend.
My oldest brother’s friends were always hitting on and checking out my mom. It was really weird and uncomfortable and more weird. I remember them always calling her a MILF and stuff behind my brother’s back. My other brother, the one in the marines, is gay and so were half his friends, so it wasn’t as bad with them. They were all busy drooling over my oldest brother. :)
Ha! I know you had that book because my brother, Jonathan (the marine) did too. I told you I read everything. Sometimes he’d let me watch from a distance while he tried something. Sometimes I even got to suggest things he could try.
Yeah, I’m only shy when I’m half naked and people are paying a lot of attention to me. I’ve had enough people pay too much attention to me for a lifetime. I’m over it. It makes me uncomfortable. Usually I dress like an eighty-year-old (those are my little sister’s words) but it’s fun to put on a costume, even if it’s a little more provocative than I’m used to. It’s fun to pretend to be something I’m not without expectations or judgments. Like during Halloween when women wear really sexy costumes but it’s totally okay because it’s Halloween, you know where I’m coming from?
You had to have learned something from the time you guys were together. It couldn’t have been a total waste of time. Make a list if it makes you feel better. Everything happens for a reason, remember? :)
I told you… everyone knew I liked him. It wasn’t a secret. He knew. I made it pretty obvious sometimes. One time more than any other, but… the next day he made it seem like nothing had happened. I’m embarrassed just thinking about the things I used to say and do to him for attention, especially when I was younger. I got more discreet when I was older, but… ugh. I don’t deal with rejection well, and that’s how him not liking me seemed like back then. I know that makes me sound like a coward, but why lie to myself? Months ago, he finally started dating someone regularly. He brought her to my mom’s birthday and it looked serious. My heart broke a little (a lot) and I cried that night and for a few nights afterward—about thirty nights if you want to know the truth—but I’m glad it happened. I needed to move on with my life. He’d always dated people, but it never seemed serious back then.
I’m pathetic.
I know you didn’t mean to make me feel that way. It just feels like I wasted so much time. Like you said, and then I said—no one likes to feel stupid. Then I think about how my entire family was aware of it and how they had to have known nothing would ever come of it, and that makes me feel worse. It wasn’t like there was a ton of guys knocking on my door to take my mind away either, so there’s that too. Now I’m just making excuses for being a dummy.
Oh well.
Hope you’re okay.
-Ruby
From: [email protected]
Date: December 8, 2008 12:09 p.m.
To: [email protected]
Subject: You’re Not An Idiot
Ruby,
That was a plot twist I didn’t see coming. Did your brother and sister always know they were gay? Did you know? I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for your older brother having a hot mom. One of my best friend’s moms was smoking hot too. He would get so pissed anytime anyone brought her up. Of course that would only make us comment more.
What did he make from the book?
What exactly does an eighty-year-old dress like? The way I’m picturing it is you in a pink sweater and black shoes with glasses. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you, you don’t seem like you’re shy at all, “half naked” or not. You feeding me a lie?
You said to make a list, so here it is.
Things I learned while in a relationship with my ex (and every ex):
Don’t trust anyone.
Keep the toilet seat lid closed when you’re sharing a bathroom with your girl.
Everyone lies.
We both know who the pathetic one is, and it isn’t you.
Feeling like your heart is broken happens to everyone. My first real girlfriend in high school cheated on me and we stayed together. Then she cheated on me again a month after the first time. Of course I felt stupid for giving her another chance. Fool me once and all that crap, you know? You were a kid. There was no way you could play it off if you liked him. You figure that game out when you’re older. :] That guy didn’t deserve your tears or your time if he knew you had feelings for him and never did anything about it, even if all he did was break your heart by telling you he wasn’t interested. I think mine broke a little at you crying over him. That had to be a reality check. What’d you tell me? Everything happens for a reason?
Not that you’re asking for my opinion, but I think you should try to date someone. Multiple someones. You have a lot of things to make up for. I know some people in great relationships.
-A
P.S. Live your life for both of us while I’m over here… hear me? Don’t let some idiot “rejecting you” make you think everybody will. It’s hard for me to believe you didn’t have a long line of guys trying to hook up with you.
From: [email protected]
Date: December 9, 2008 3:33 a.m.
To: [email protected]
Subject: Hi
Aaron,
They both have always known they were gay, but my sister was the first one to come out. My sister announced she was a lesbian when she was like… sixteen or seventeen, right before my brother, but my mom says she always knew without a doubt about Tali. There are videos of her making her Barbie dolls kiss and she used to say they were married. Sorry for busting your bubble with my sister… not. Lol. My brother came out when he was sixteen I want to say. I think he was worried about how my mom would handle it (remember she was a strict Catholic for a long time and he’s her favorite), but she did fine. Better than fine. She claimed she always “had a feeling.” He had a couple girlfriends before he came out, but they didn’t stay together long for a reason. Him and his friends who were gay were all in the closet and hid it really well. Looking back on it, it makes me sad they had to do that.
I don’t remember exactly what my brother attempted. All I know is that nothing ever worked and he almost died each time he tried something from the book. It wasn’t until he burned his hands and eyebrows off that my mom figured out what he was doing and put a stop to it. If you’re wondering what “putting a stop to it” means, it means she whooped his rear end. Fifteen years old or not, she beat him. That was the one and only time she ever disciplined him I bet.
^^^It still makes me laugh. :)
Lol! You make it sound like I’m a Pink Lady in Grease. I don’t wear glasses, but the flats and cardigans happen when I have to do something work-related.