This was the moment she’d been dreading. She’d known it would come, but she hadn’t thought it would come so soon. She wasn’t ready.
“Maybe it would be better if I helped out with Mulmig,” she said, panicking. “I’m good with bandages. You don’t need me for the convoca.”
Astrid felt Becca’s eyes on her. She glanced over at her. Tell them, Becca mouthed. It’s okay. Astrid shook her head.
“We do need you,” Ling said. “Vr?ja told us that our magic is strongest when it’s combined. We’ll have a better chance of getting Ava if we cast together.” She reached for Astrid’s hand.
“I…uh, I’m really tired,” Astrid said, desperate. “I think I need some sleep.”
Becca couldn’t contain herself any longer. “You need to tell them,” she said. “This can’t go on forever.”
“Tell us what?” Ling asked.
Astrid glared at Becca. “Thanks,” she said. “Thanks a lot.”
“Is something wrong? Maybe we can help you,” Sera said.
Astrid heaved a deep sigh. They were kind and concerned now, but would they still be when she told them the truth?
Becca swam up to Astrid and put a gentle hand on her back. “When you keep a secret, the secret keeps you,” she said. “Haven’t you figured that out yet?”
Astrid had to tell them now. There was no getting out of it. “I can’t songcast,” she blurted out. “I lost my singing voice when I was little.”
“You have no magic?” Sera asked. “None at all?”
Astrid listened for any sound of derision or contempt in her voice, but she didn’t hear any. Only compassion.
“I have some magic,” she said. “Remnants, I guess. I didn’t even know it until Becca made me a whalebone pipe. I’ve learned to play a few basic songspells on it.”
“And this is a problem why?” Ling asked impatiently. “We haven’t got all night here, merls. Neither does Ava.” She held out her hand to Astrid again.
But Astrid shook her head. “I. Can’t. Songcast. You don’t want me with you. You really don’t. When you get into Abbadon’s prison you’ll need everyone to be at the top of her game. I’m not at the top of my game and I never will be.”
“We,” Ling said simply. “When we get into Abbadon’s prison. Need I remind you, Astrid, who saved the day back in the Iele’s caves? I’d be very happy for you to have my back in the Incarceron whether you were at the top of your game, the bottom, or anywhere in between.”
Becca crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s what I told her,” she said. “She doesn’t listen.”
“Maybe she will now,” Sera said, pulling her dagger out of its sheath.
“Whoa! What are you doing?” Astrid asked, her eyes wide.
“Bringing you into the bloodbind,” Sera replied, drawing the blade across her own palm. “We swore an oath to each other in the Iele’s caves after you left, and sealed it in blood.”
“A bloodbind is darksong,” Astrid said, remembering that Becca had told her about the pact they’d made in the Iele’s caves. “You break a blood oath, you die.”
“Yes, you do. Maybe now you’ll believe that we mean it. We want you with us, Astrid. Vr?ja summoned six of us. Not five. We can’t do this without you.”
Sera handed the dagger to Ling, who made a small slit in her palm, too. Becca followed suit, then Neela. When Neela finished, she gave the blade to Astrid.
Astrid took it and stared at it. She was trembling. The EisGeist, the Qanikkaaq, even Rylka—none of them had made her feel as afraid as she did right now. What these four mermaids were asking was so hard. They were asking her to join them, to trust them, to let them be her friends.
Voices echoed in her head again. Even though she’d tried to forget them.
Her father’s. Who wants a mermaid without magic?
Tauno’s. She’s a freaky freakin’ freak!
And the mirror man’s. Where are you going, Astrid? To your friends? Do you really think it will be different with them?
At that moment, Astrid realized there would always be voices telling her she wasn’t good enough. Old voices. New voices. And she knew that she’d never be able to silence them.
But here, surrounded by friends who wanted her, she recognized for the first time that there was only one voice that truly mattered. Only one she had to listen to. Her own.
She took a deep breath, and cut her palm.
As her blood swirled in the water with the blood of her friends, Sera sang the words to a bloodbind. The others joined her. Astrid did, too, surprised to find that she somehow knew the words.
At last all six are joined together
And bonds of blood cannot be severed.
One mind, one heart, one soul are we,
Our vows as deathless as the seas.
My heart, my sister, and my friend,
Our ties no mer can ever rend.
Now the circle is complete
And Abbadon we will defeat.