She turned to the front window of the restaurant to examine her reflection and was surprised to see she did look a bit pale. Thinking about Scott always did that to her, made her feel weak and dizzy.
She let out a shaky breath and struggled to find words that would ease Viv’s worry. “When Luke kissed me…it just made me wonder what it would be like, you know, to actually be with Luke.”
“You may not have to wonder anymore.”
“What?” she asked.
“Well, if he kissed you last night, maybe he’s starting to see you as more than his friend’s sister.”
Maybe there was some truth to that. Ellie remembered the way he’d pressed against her, his unmistakable erection. There was no doubt in her mind he’d been turned on. That she’d turned him on. But with Luke, even the obvious wasn’t as obvious as it seemed to be.
Although they’d known each other for fifteen years, she had no clue what was in his heart. All of his relationships were brief, fleeting, you blinked and he had another woman on his arm. And that had always made her wonder.
She knew his childhood hadn’t been traumatic. His parents had been happily married until his mother died when he was a teenager. His father seemed like a kind, down-to-earth man, at least from the few times Ellie had met him. And as far as she knew, Luke hadn’t been in any disastrous relationships that might have scarred him for all other women. So why was he still a bachelor? Did he simply like the casual lifestyle, or was there something more to it?
And why did it matter? There was no point in analyzing Luke’s love life, especially when she would never be a part of it.
“Maybe he is seeing me as something more,” she relented, glancing at her boss. “But even if that’s so, it doesn’t mean anything. Luke and I will never have a relationship.”
“Why not?” Vivian shrugged. “You two are both young, single, annoyingly stubborn. If you ask me, you’re the perfect match.”
She swallowed the lump in the back of her throat. “I don’t have anything to offer a man, Viv. Not anymore.”
Her friend’s eyes narrowed, sharp as a hawk, but there was also sympathy in that gaze. “Ellie, what happened after the car accident? You’ve been hinting at something since the day you came here, and for the life of me, I can’t figure it out.” Vivian exhaled slowly. “What really happened with Scott?”
Ellie’s throat went dry. God, she couldn’t count the number of times she’d been asked that by her brother. Like if she opened her mouth and revealed the truth he could make it better.
Yet as she looked at Vivian, saw the softness in her eyes, she couldn’t lie anymore. For so long, it felt like a weight was pressing down on her body, the cold revelation that refused to go away. She hadn’t talked about it with anyone, and carrying the solitary burden was becoming too much. Just this time she wanted to ease the load, have someone else bear that burden with her.
Inhaling the warm salty breeze, Ellie gave in. “There were complications after the accident.”
Vivian’s gaze offered encouragement. “What kind of complications?”
“The miscarriage.” She bit her lower lip. “After I lost the baby, the doctors told me I couldn’t have any more children.”
A short silence descended, until Vivian broke it with, “Are you sure? I mean—”
“I had an emergency hysterectomy, Viv.”
The confession hung in the air, making it difficult to breathe. Her lungs heaved, desperate for oxygen, but the air was laced with a bitter taste that choked Ellie’s throat. She’d said it. After months of bottling it up inside, she’d said it out loud.
“That’s why Scott left me,” she continued, surprised by how steady her voice sounded. “He said he refused to be with a woman who couldn’t offer him children.” She sucked in a breath. “He said I was damaged.”
“Excuse me? Are you serious?” When Ellie nodded, Vivian let out a curse. “Well, then he’s insane. Not only insane, but disgustingly insensitive. In fact, the only thing he is, pardon my French, is a complete asshole.” Shock and anger glittered in her eyes. “Don’t you ever believe that.”
The fury in Vivian’s voice touched her. After the accident, she’d been angry too. Her rage and indignation had helped her get through those first couple of weeks, but when the reality of the situation sunk in, shame and sorrow had replaced her volatile emotions. Her career was over, her fiancé had left her, her baby was gone, and as time passed she’d begun to wonder. If her own fiancé couldn’t handle her situation, what other man would?
“I don’t believe it,” she said quietly. “Most of the time, anyway.”