He looks at me for a few more seconds before turning on his heels and storming through the front door. I hear it slam, and it’s all I need for my body to give the emotions permission to burst forth.
I crumble to the ground and cry. I cry for everything I’ve stupidly done. I cry for Coop, our baby, Asher, and every single unknown second of my future.
I cry until I have nothing left. It’s only then that I notice the sun that was bright in the sky is now gone and my apartment is pitch black. I don’t even stop to turn on the lights as I make my way down the hall, stripping down to my bra and panties on the way and curling beneath the thick blankets on my bed. I wish that the smooth fabric were the arms I so desperately need to be holding me tight.
CHAPTER 15
Asher
“You senseless little fuck,” the voice slurs. “Where is your stupid fucking brother?” it asks again.
I don’t want to open my eyes. I know there is no reasoning with her when she gets like this. I keep praying one day that she just won’t come home. That she will crash her car into a tree, pick up the wrong man for an easy lay, and end up dead like other stupid chicks on the TV. That she might overdose on one of the millions of pills she drops down her throat.
Anything but deal with her when she’s like this. I can’t just leave because Coop needs to finish high school, and with just two years to go before his graduation, I’ll suffer through my egg donor’s shit if it means we can graduate and leave—never looking back.
We’ve had it planned since the day I turned sixteen. We would wait until he finishes high school and then get the hell out of the small town in Texas we’ve grown up in. Get the hell out and make a life for ourselves that we can be proud of.
We’re joining the Marines.
And we’re going to be free of this vile bitch.
Coop’s still small for his age. I started growing and never stopped until I towered over my mother, well over six feet. Coop’s body, having always lacked the right nutrition to help him grow, seems to be taking its time. I could care less if my brother stays scrawny for the rest of his life. Doesn’t matter to me. The one thing that has changed is his timid nature. He’s finally starting to come into his own. And the chicks around town don’t care if he’s not the tallest, bulkiest, or most popular. Coop started channeling his hurt and pain into humor, and the chicks love it.
“Well! Where is that piece of shit?”
Finally having had enough of her shrieking, I peel my eyes open and take her in. I’m sure she was attractive when she was younger. Her eyes, which might have been bright and vibrant blue, are now dull and dirty. Like bathwater after you’re done bathing. Her skin might have been smooth and youthful at one point, but now it has a disgusting gray tint to it. Her arms, stretched out at her sides, show the clearly visible track lines. Her body is nothing but a tiny mass of skin and bones.
Worthless.
Disgusting.
The reason I’ve believed for as long as I can remember that women will do nothing but hurt you.
I fucking hate her.
“You gonna answer me, you stupid shit? I knew you were a dumb-fuck. Knew it before you were even born. Your brother is just as dumb as you. Bet that’s why your piece-of-shit father ran off. Couldn’t stand to face that he couldn’t make real men.”
I clench my fist, wishing—not for the first time—that I believed in hitting women. Regardless of how much I hate her, I still won’t raise my fist to her.
“Should have terminated you two bastards when I had the chance,” she grumbles under her breath.
“I hate you!”
I turn my head sharply to the left when I hear Coop’s voice cracking with puberty, shaking with vehemence.
“I hate you so much!” he repeats.
I should stop him. Tell him to go back to bed and deal with the beating I’m sure will follow this drunken rage of hers.
“Well, isn’t that sweet, bastard boy? I hate you right fucking back!”
She starts to move. Actually, she starts to tip forward in what I assume is a move to get to Coop, but I step in her path. I refuse to let her take this shit out on him. My body is bigger. I can take it.
“Move, Ash. I need her to know I mean it.” He sounds different. Not like he normally does when he hides during her rages.
“You sure?” I ask, knowing that, even if I let him have this, I can still be here to make sure she doesn’t lay one of her repulsive fingers on him.
“I’m sure.”
“Okay, but I’m right here.”
“Would you two fucking retards stop whispering?! I’m right in front of you. If you’re finally going to let those little boy balls drop and grow a pair, then by all means, let me have it,” she fumes.