Jesus, I could have probably come all over the place like that alone.
Right when I was ready to roll her over and wake her up with a little breakfast in bed done my way, I felt it. You know the feeling when you just know someone is looking right at you? Yeah, this would be that moment. With Cohen, I don’t even need to rely on instinct. I can tell he is there because his face is right next to mine. I can feel his breath hitting my cheek and his eyes burning into my skin.
And if it isn’t already bad enough that I’ve got a naked, completely oblivious, sound-asleep Melissa wrapped around me like a second skin—the covers are pooled around knee-level.
I’m never going to hear the end of this one.
There is no possible way to remove her hand or cover myself up without drawing his attention to my crotch. He’s already almost seen it completely with the times he’s interrupted Melissa and me, but this time, there isn’t anything stopping his little eyes from seeing my piercings.
FUCK! He already thinks he needs to be the goddamn wiener police. One day, when he’s dating or married, it’s going to be hilarious how he used to remind everyone about ‘girls not seeing wieners.’
“Daddddy . . .” his little voice loudly whispers directly into my ear. “Daddddy . . . it’s my birthday!”
Thank God. If he’s still talking about his birthday, then chances are he might have missed everything else. Doubtful, but hey, I’m hoping.
I groan and shift Melissa to her side before reaching for the sheets. It only takes a few seconds, but when I turn my head and look into his eyes, I know he saw. His brown eyes are smiling at me, his full lips pulled tight trying to keep his laughter in. Oh yeah, his whole body is literally vibrating and ready to just let me have it.
“Cohen, didn’t we talk about coming into Mommy and Daddy’s room so early in the morning?” I try to be as firm as I can while my dick is dying its slow little cockblocker-induced death.
“Yup!”
I feel the bed jolt when his booming reply echoes through the room. “Son, it’s only six in the morning. Why are you even awake?”
He looks at me with his eyes shining bright, and his smile grows.
Shit.
“I had to come warn Mommy! Your wiener was out and it looked like it was mad that Mommy was touching it. Mommy shouldn’t touch you wiener, Daddy! I know it isn’t her fault because you told me that sometimes our wieners wake up when we need them to stay asleep, but it was touching her!”
What. In. The. Hell.
“Cohen, Mommy didn’t mean to touch my wiener and my wiener isn’t mad.”
My wiener really is mad. Pissed the fuck off that he wasn’t able to slide into Melissa’s warmth. But at least he was half right. Melissa really had no idea. And since when did my dick become a wiener?! Jesus Christ, I feel like I need to go watch some manly sports on TV just to get my man card back.
“Today is my birthday party!”
And here we go with his squirrel moments.
“I know that, big man! How does four years old feel?”
“I know what I want for my birthday!” he shoots, completely ignoring my question. He starts bouncing on his heels and waving his arms above his head with all his excitement. I smile and feel Melissa shift slightly. I look over to make sure she’s still covered before returning my attention back to Cohen.
“Oh yeah? Well, I’m pretty sure that Mommy already finished getting all your presents.” I feel her hand brush my thigh under the covers, letting me know she’s awake and listening.
“Yup!” That’s it. Sometimes his train of thought confuses me beyond belief.
“Okay. So what is it you want?”
His smile gets even larger, and that flash of mischief behind his eyes is all the warning I get. “Earrings! I want earrings!” His head bobbles so rapidly it looks like it might fall off his shoulders.
“Uh . . .”
I must have been wearing my confusion because Cohen tilts his head and points to my lap. Oh hell. I know what he’s about to say before he even opens his mouth. This is going to be another one of those things I’ll never live down.
“Yup! I want earrings just like yours. Do you call them wiener-rings since they aren’t in your ears? Yup, I want wiener-rings!”
Melissa’s laughter bubbles out, and before I know it, she is laughing hysterically beside me.
“Mommy!” Cohen skips over to her side of the bed, and I use his distraction to grab my sweats off the floor and quickly pull them on. I toss Melissa her robe and walk to the bathroom, shutting the door lightly behind me.