I have been lying in bed with Melissa draped across my body for the last two hours, unable to fall asleep. Today had been a perfect day, but when Axel called, and two seconds into the conversation asked me if I had told her yet, my mood quickly went to shit. When we weren’t doing this back and forth debate over why it was so important that I do it right now. It turned heated before I could stop it.
I know he is right. I need to tell Melissa my connection with Simon Wagner. And I needed to do it yesterday. The more time that goes by, the more the ball of worry grows in my gut. I don’t think she would have taken it so bad if I told her sooner, but now that we are both solidly invested in this relationship and our feelings are finally put out there, well . . . I don’t think this is going to go well.
Turning around after biting out, “I’ll fucking tell her about Simon tomorrow; just shut the fuck up about it,” and seeing Mandy standing behind me is not a welcome site. There’s no telling how long she has been there but any amount of time is too long. I have stupidly just let it all out and if she has been there long enough, she knows the one thing that I am keeping from my girl, the one thing that might have the power to come between us.
I don’t even spare her a second of my time. I walk in, grab my girl, and get the hell out of there.
And not once since that phone call has my heart calmed down. I need to tell her and then deal with the fall out. I can tell when she questions me about Axel’s call that she doesn’t completely believe what I have to say. With good reason too, since she knows me well enough to know I am keeping something from her.
*
The next morning isn’t much better. We both oversleep, so by the time we make it downstairs, we have just enough time for a quick kiss before we head to work. I follow behind her, and watch her pull off into her office before continuing down the street to Corps.
Things around here have, thankfully been quiet over the last few weeks. Luckily, the gold sidewalk seems to keep Sway in a good enough mood that he doesn’t mess with us nearly as much as he used to. I did catch him sprinkling glitter on Coop a few times, and that is enough to keep us all laughing for a week, at least.
Emmy is doing better, but I can still see some pain in her eyes. She has decided it is best to distance herself completely from Maddox. I don’t know if that is something she is consciously doing but he isn’t happy about it.
I have just sat down to start looking over emails when my door opens and Axel walks in.
“You still have that stick up your ass?” He says and sits down in front of me.
“Fuck off.”
“Oh, so I see, not only is the stick still there, but you might have just shoved that shit a little higher, huh?”
“Jesus Christ. What? What do you want me to say? No, we didn’t talk last night because once I got off the phone with you, which was already interrupting our dinner, I had to walk right into motherfucking Mandy. So no, by the time I got home and loved my woman good, I wasn’t in the mood to taint that shit.”
He leans back and lets out a long huff. “I get you man, I do, but that shit is not going to be pretty.”
“You don’t think I already know this? I’m not looking forward to not only opening those old wounds, but rubbing salt in them when I tell her. You don’t think I feel guilty enough? I could have stopped him, Axel! I could have stopped him, but instead of sticking around, I took off for years of booze and pussy to try and forget. I let him slip through the cracks and in turn, the man who killed my sister married hers. Oh, pretty fucking hilarious move by fate there. Throwing us together finally, only to have that between us.”
“Seriously, G? That’s what’s been eating you? How in the fuck do you feel like it could even remotely be your fault that he ended up with her sister? You didn’t introduce them, you didn’t pull the fucking trigger, so I just don’t understand how you are adding one and one and getting five.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees before continuing. “Brother, that isn’t on you so don’t hold it there.”
“But it is, Axel. It is.”
And that is the root of the problem. After Grace died, I was too torn up to stick around and deal with anything. My mother lost her damn mind and spent the years I disappeared slowly letting her heart wither away. By the time I had my head pulled out of my ass and got back to her, she wasn’t doing well. She made it another year before I lost her too. My head wasn’t in the right place to deal with Simon Wagner.
By the time I started my business in Atlanta and finally tracked him down, I was shocked to learn he was just a few counties over and had remarried. That was when I started to keep an eye on him when I could. And when I couldn’t, I had Derrick. What a fucking joke.
“You need to get it done but you also need to stop blaming yourself for shit that is not your fault.”
“Hear you, brother, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to agree with you right now.”