“Yeah. I’ve got you.”
I shake my head. I know he believes that too. He really thinks that the only thing he will ever need is me, and even though I know I’m not going anywhere, I wish he would see things differently. I’ve seen our friends settle into good, loving relationships, so I know it’s out there. He just refuses to believe it. And I know it all has to do with our fucking mother. She’s done this to him, and just when I thought I couldn’t hate her more than I already do, I’m proven wrong twice in one day.
“What about kids, Coop? Do you really never want to have kids?”
“What the hell is this, Dr. Phil?” he laughs. “Hell no I don’t want kids. I won’t take a chance that anything that evil bitch has could be passed on to my kid. No way will I take that chance. The poor thing would be doomed from the fucking beginning. There isn’t anything in me worth giving a kid, and you know that.” He sobers for a second, shaking his head. “It’s better this way, Ash. I’ve got you. I’ve got the boys. There’s no need to shake things up now.”
“I wish you didn’t believe that, brother.”
“Just give it up, Ash. Please.”
If it weren’t for the raw desperation in his stare, I would press longer. But I do what he wants and keep silent. We sit there, together, just like we always have been. He’s right about one thing: I’ll always be here and nothing could change that.
Chapter 20 – Chelcie
Three Weeks Later
Today is the day. The day that I find out if I’m having a little boy or little girl. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always dreamt of having a little princess. Someone I can dress in all pink, do her hair and nails, bond with like my mother did with me.
However, today I’m hoping and praying that they tell me that I’m having a boy. I’ve been dreaming of a perfect little blond-haired, blue-eyed prince for the last month or so. I’m not sure what it is, but I feel like I just know this is going to be my son.
Over the last three weeks, Asher and I have become inseparable. The bond that started to grow between us in the weeks that followed Coop’s murder has turned into something I never could have fathomed.
As corny as it sounds, he’s my other half. The reasons we’ve been brought together, that we even met, seem to be the hand of fate. I don’t usually believe in that nonsense, but I have to believe that everything that’s happened has happened for a reason.
Last weekend was hard. Asher’s slowly been dealing with some of the things he’s been avoiding. One of those things happened to be cleaning out his brother’s house. Coop had a small two-bedroom house just outside the city limits. It wasn’t anything to write home about, but it was full of memories for Ash, full of his brother, and if it hadn’t been for the sheet of dust that coated every surface, you would have thought that Coop would be coming home at any second.
***
“I can’t go in yet, Chelcie. I just… I just need a minute.”
I look over at Asher. He’s staring straight ahead at the closed garage door. His fingers are clutching the steering wheel as if it’s his lifeline. My heart breaks for him. I know that today has to be costing him a lot. Too much. But he told me that he needed to do this. He needed to start turning on the lights in the darkness of his life.
“Take all the time you need, baby,” I say, hoping that my voice doesn’t crack. I wait for him to battle whatever is raging within his mind. My hand continues to play with the longer pieces of hair on his neck, and I rub my belly with my other.
“I wish he was going to be inside. God, I wish… I wish so badly that he was still here.”
“I know you do, baby.”
I can see him struggling even worse, and I know this is going to be even harder than I imagined.
Unhooking my seatbelt and opening my door doesn’t even filter through his thoughts. My poor man is so lost right now. Once I’ve walked around to his side of the truck, I open the door; he doesn’t even look at me. Hell, I’m not even sure that he knows I’m standing here.
“Ash?” I question. “Asher.” I harden my tone and finally gain his attention.
He looks over at me, his eyes lost and haunted.