“Completely.” His eyes never waver from mine when he confirms.
“That’s good, man. I’ve been worried about him,” Axel, I think, says to Maddox.
There’s more continued conversation about the state of Asher and his grief over Coop’s death. Out of instinct, when I hear them bring up Coop’s name, my hand goes straight to my stomach. I realize my mistake a second too late when Maddox breaks contact and his eyes travel down to where my hand is splayed across my slightly rounded stomach.
Maddox isn’t a stupid man. He’s probably one of the most intuitive people I’ve ever met. His eyes stay on my stomach—even after I move my hand away as if I’ve burned myself. He just takes it all in. The only tell he gives me is when he looks back up and lets his guard down long enough to show the shock within the black depths of his normally blank eyes.
Shit.
“You,” he speaks through clenched teeth and points at me. “Come with me.” He doesn’t even look to see if I’m moving to follow him before he roughly pushes from the table and walks away.
“What the hell?” Izzy questions.
I spare Dee a quick slightly panicked look before making my way to where Maddox is waiting for me.
He pulls me around the wall that separates the room and the bathrooms, allowing us a bit of privacy for what I know is going to be a hard conversation.
“What’s going on, Mad?” I hedge.
“Don’t play games with me, Chelcie. I know you don’t trust me, and I don’t blame you. You don’t know me. Just let me get this out and then we can get back to dinner. Anything you need, anything you want, or anything you feel needs to be done, you let me know. I’m not going to pretend to be a chick and understand what you’re feeling, but you’re not alone. Yeah?”
For the first time since I met Maddox, every single trace of the hard man I’ve come to know is gone. Standing in front of me is a version of him that I’m not sure how to deal with. His face holds so much compassion and pain that I don’t know if he’s upset that I have kept this secret to myself or what. He almost looks vulnerable.
“Yeah, Maddox… Uh, thanks,” I whisper.
“Does he know?”
“No,” I can hear the shame painting that one heavy word. I’m not proud of myself for keeping this from Asher, and knowing that another person knows my secret and he still doesn’t drives home that pain.
“Are you okay?”
This side of Maddox, this caring, emotional side, is such a shock that I don’t speak at first. I’ve never, not once, seen this side. It’s no secret to anyone, even me though I’m new to this group, that Maddox holds his cards close and his pain even closer. There’s always been a cloud over him. Like his own personal hell just simmers too close to the surface for him to be anything but closed off. And knowing that he can see right through me is slightly terrifying and reassuring at the same time.
I’m not alone.
“Chelcie, how are you doing with this?” His eyes look…scared. Whether it’s for me, Asher, or whatever personal hell is chasing him, I’m not sure.
“I’m getting there, Mad. I’m worried, but not for me. I’m ready for this, excited even. It isn’t the way I imagined it happening, but I really am happy. I just… Well, you know, I don’t know how he will handle this. I’m not a slut.”
I’m not sure why I felt the need to throw that in there, but to me, it’s important that he doesn’t think I’m easy. I don’t just sleep around, and even though what happened between Coop and me could arguably make me a slut in a lot of people’s eyes, I don’t regret a second of it.
“I didn’t think you were, girl,” he says, his eyes losing that lost look, and he reaches out to pull me into a hug.
I let my arms curl around his back and hold on tight to his shoulders, soaking up every ounce of strength he’s offering.
The muscles in his back ripple and roll under my fingertips when he brings his head down and rests his lips against my temple. We stand like that for a few minutes before he dips his head lower and whispers against my ear.
“You’re never alone. Don’t for one second think that. You shouldn’t be worried, scared, or afraid right now. This is a time in your life that you should be smiling that beautiful smile every second of every day. It’s not going to be easy, but you’re not alone. This baby will be loved, I promise you that. Asher needs to know, Chelcie. He needs that. And if you need someone there when that happens, you just say the words.” He pulls up, places another kiss on the top of my head, and with a small squeeze, walks away.