I pile my pillows on top of each other, turn off the lights, lay back and attempt to watch the film. It takes all of twenty seconds before my mind starts to wander back to her. December the thirtieth, nineteen ninety-nine was the last time I’d seen her in person. I left her at the end of her drive. We’d spent the night making love in the back of my brother’s car. We had a spot in the local woods where we’d park, climb into the back and worship each other’s bodies the best we could through our clothes. I loved the rare occasions that we were able to share a bed and I could get her completely naked. Five times, that’s all it happened. I’ve worshiped and fantasised about this girl for most of my life and I’d only seen her completely naked five times. I’d only gotten to fall asleep and wake up with her in my arms twice, and yet all these years on, I was still desperate to have that experience again. Despite what she did, despite what her actions caused, I was still in love with her.
Her family had totally forbidden her from seeing me. According to them, I was from a rough family and the fact that we lived on the local council estate didn’t meet with their approval either. So, we’d spent a year sneaking around, seeing each other behind their backs. My brothers were good, Ty and Jordan both had their own places and let us borrow a bedroom for a few hours and we even stayed over at Ty’s twice, but it wasn’t enough. We wanted more. We wanted to be together all the time, every day, so we set our plan in motion. I was at college studying music, but we needed to get some money together so we could try to get away. Tyler gave me a job as a labourer with his building firm and I played the local pubs and bars in the evenings and on a Sunday afternoon. Meebs was still at school but was already sixteen so we wouldn’t be breaking the law, but we knew they’d come after us just the same. She had a part-time job in a clothing shop at the local shopping centre and she worked there two evenings and every weekend. We saved every penny.
The plan was for Miles to drop us at Guildford Station that night and we were going to get the train to Cornwall from there. We chose Cornwall as we’d both always wanted to learn to surf. We loved the beach and we thought, hoped, that it’d be the last place her parents and arsehole of a brother would ever think to look for us. She was going to leave a note, telling them that we’d gone to London. We thought we could lie low in Cornwall for a while, see if we could pick up some work and then once the fuss had died down, we could head over to Europe and backpack our way around. Meebs would do bar work, I’d do whatever I could pick up, but was hoping that music would be a part of whatever I did.
We made love in the car that last night, we were both so excited and so in fucking love, that I still can’t understand why she didn’t show. I kissed her at the end of her drive and she told me she’d go to the ends of the earth with me, and that she couldn’t wait for us to spend the rest of our lives travelling and just being together. She kissed me one last time and walked up the drive to that big, fuck off mansion she lived in with her mum, dad and Pearce, her prick of a brother. By the time I’d walked to the end of her street and gotten back in Miles’ car she had texted me and told me again how much she loved me. She texted me a good morning the next day and told me she was going shopping with Sophie, and then nothing. I didn’t hear another thing. She didn’t show, she just didn’t show. I called her and I called Sophie but got nothing. I finally got a hold of my best mate Josh, who was Sophie’s brother and he told me that his mum had rushed off to meet up with them and they were going to some millennium party at a fancy hotel that night.
I have no idea what happened that day to make her change her mind, but it must’ve been something big because she never showed and I never heard from her again.
Miles could see I was devastated. He knew how much I loved her and how hard I’d worked to pull our plan together. So, he took me to the pub and we had a few drinks. It was the last night of the millennium and the place was mobbed, so at around nine, we left the pub and went to a party at his mate’s house. It was rammed, people everywhere. The place stunk of weed and as soon as midnight was done with, I wanted to get home. I was tired, pissed off and had a banging headache. I wanted to go home, charge my phone that was now dead and hopefully wake up in the morning to a million missed calls and messages from Meebs telling me we were still on and this had all been one great big fucking balls up. I never made it home, not that night, not any night since.
We were about half way across town when I noticed the blue light flash behind us. “The old Bill’s up your arse Miles, will you be over the limit?” I’d seen him drinking at various times during the night, surely they would’ve all topped up in his system and he’d be over the limit by now.
“Fuck,” he said out loud and banged his palm down onto the steering wheel. I looked at him, he was completely freaking out.
“What’s wrong, did you have a tote on that joint earlier as well?”
He shook his head before looking at me. “It’s a cut and shut Reed, the car’s fucking dodgy. If they pull me over, I’m looking at doing time.” His eyes were back on the road and his foot was now back down on the pedal as we roared forward.