She didn’t bother waiting for an answer. She left the mirror. Found the water glass. Drained it. Contemplated the orchid in its slender vase. It looked like something Séverine would have chosen.
“It’s not that simple,” he was saying. “But if you want to blame me, you can. You should. It is my fault. If you want to think of it as a fault. As a bad thing.”
He laced their hands together. “I didn’t mean to give this to you. I didn’t think it could … spread. I’ve been careful. Every single time. Until now. But with you, with us…”
Heat flooded her. The memory was still fresh, as though it had happened the night before and not months ago. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
He nodded. “I didn’t donate my regimen to you. The Krebs were already working on you, when we found your body. As far as the doctors can tell, they entered you when we…” He pursed his lips. “Probably through a tear in your tissues. You did bleed. A little. That’s all it takes, apparently.”
“You spread it to me?”
He nodded. “You’re a changeling, now. Like me.”
Just like Branch. Just like how he’d spread his devices to Calliope and Sabrina and Eileen. What had killed them had saved her. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair at all. She didn’t deserve to be alive, any more than they deserved to be dead. And if she had chosen differently, if she had just held out, they would still be alive. For the first time since their deaths, she allowed herself to miss them. She would never hear Eileen’s gossip. She would never nag Layne about a BDJ question. She would never see the delighted triumph in Sabrina’s eyes as she landed a solid punch on the heavybag. They were gone and it was her fault. Both her eyes filled with tears. Daniel reached for her and she scrubbed the tears away before he could say anything.
Hwa sighed. “So you’re saying my whole body is full of proprietary technology? You’re saying I went from pure organic to…” She opened her stainless hands. They felt stronger than before. The skin was more even than she remembered. Softer. More elastic. The nails smooth. Almost buffed. No calcium deposits. No scars. No swollen knuckles. No evidence that she’d ever been a fighter. No evidence she’d ever been the person she knew herself to be. “To whatever the fuck this is.”
He shook his head. “Don’t. Don’t do this.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “Please don’t do this.”
“Everything that made me who I am is gone.”
“Is that what you think?” He kissed her very gently, over her left eye. “That all you are is a disorder?”
“Branch said I was.”
Hwa sank down to the bed. Looked at the orchid in its glass. The order of the room. Everything clean. Nothing out of place. She was disorder. That was Branch’s whole point. She was the disorder that needed to be ordered. The one hair out of place. The one thing set askew in the plan. That was what set her apart. What made her, in some incredibly fucked-up way, special in their cosmic simulation. A wild card. A black swan. Lightning in a bottle. And for a moment, just knowing that had been enough. Even if it wasn’t meant to last. Even if her life was about to end. All the seizures. All the bullshit. It was all worth it. Just to be the one who stuck it to that bastard. It was the kind of death that deep down she’d always wanted. And now she was alive.
“He said, I’m the only one to make it. That I’m not even supposed to be here. All the others…”
“The others?”
“The other versions of me. In other times, I guess. Other branches of possibility. He said I’m the only one who’s ever made it.”
Daniel reached up. He held her face in his hands. “Then clearly, this is the best of all possible worlds.” He kissed her forehead.
She was about to tease him for being such a sap, but as she drew breath to do so, the door opened. Joel stood there, flanked by Silas, Katherine, and members of his staff. He wore a suit. He looked taller. Broader. How long had it been? What else had changed?
“Miss Go,” he said in measured tones. Hwa’s heart sank. A few weeks without her and he’d become the vessel his father had always wanted. Perhaps Branch really had won. “I think we can continue this conversation later,” he told his siblings. “Silas, can you please tell your people to put that order through?”
“Sure thing,” Silas said.
“Katherine, I want to go over the infrastructure tour, on the Iceland trip,” Joel said. “I need to know who is who. Can we go over that, later, please?”
“Of course,” Katherine told him.
Joel nodded. He smiled pleasantly. “Thank you. You’ve both been a big help lately. I really appreciate it.”
His older siblings shared a look. He was trying so hard. But they weren’t giving him the same stares they had when Hwa first met them. Maybe that had changed, too. After all, he had done them a great favour, unburdening them of their father. The door closed behind Joel, and then it was just the three of them.