I’m addicted to her.
When I finally gained control, I found her watching me through glazed eyes. I bent my face to hers and kissed her almost as hard as I’d fucked her. “You got any idea what you do to me?” I demanded as I let her lips go. My body buzzed with need and love for this woman. I’d never experienced any of this with any other woman in my life, and there’d never be another like Harlow.
Her lips spread out in a slow smile but she didn’t say anything.
She knew; she had to fucking know, because for the last year, I’d laid my heart and soul down for her in ways I’d never laid it down for anyone.
My arm tightened around her and I pulled her harder against me. “You’re mine, Harlow. Your heart, your body, you…all mine. And that drives me crazy some days.”
Her smile shifted into a frown. “Why does that drive you crazy?”
My heart beat faster as I contemplated that question; as I exposed another piece of my heart to her. “You’re like a drug, baby. The highs are fuckin’ spectacular and I’d go through any low to have those highs. And I’d do anything to make sure I always had you, even if it meant selling my fuckin’ soul.”
She threaded her fingers through my hair at the back of my head and pressed another kiss to my lips; less demanding this time, more gentle. “I’d take all the lows, too, if it meant I got just one of the highs with you. I love you, Scott.”
Fuck, I might have thought she was mine, but I was far more hers than she was mine; she fucking owned me.
I pulled out of her and took a step back so she could move off the counter. When she stood in front of me, I yanked her closer. “Now I want you in the shower. It’s time for me to show you what I like to do with dirty mouths.” I jerked my chin towards the bathroom. “Go. I’ll meet you there in a minute.”
Lust shone from her eyes and she nodded before leaving me.
I raked my fingers through my hair as I watched her go, and wondered, not for the first time, when I’d have all the pieces of her back – the pieces that had shattered when she’d lost our baby. The pieces she hadn’t been able to find to put back together yet.
I miss those pieces.
As I followed in the direction she’d gone, I vowed yet again to help her find those fucking pieces.
* * *
Five hours later, I was sitting outside on the verandah with a beer contemplating club business when Harlow came up behind me, wrapped her arms around me and whispered against my ear, “You wore me out.” I’d had her in the shower and then again in our bed, and fuck, I’d worn myself out, too. She’d fallen asleep for a little while, but I’d been unable to switch my brain off.
She came and curled up in my lap. I put one arm around her and rested my hand holding my beer on her bare leg. She wore only a t-shirt of mine and I fought the urge to rip it off her. First we needed to talk. As she rested her head on my shoulder, I asked, “Did you spend time with the girls today?”
I could hear the smile in her voice when she replied. “Yeah, it was quiet at the café and Mum suggested I take some time off after my appointment with Jane. Roxie had some free time so I decided to get my hair done.”
Jane, her psychologist, had won my respect even though I’d never believed in that shit before. Harlow had come to life again after starting to see her nearly two months ago. “You had a good appointment with Jane?” I took a swig of my beer while waiting to hear about her appointment. Something in her day today had gone well and I wanted to know what it was.
She lifted her head to look at me. Even the change in her eyes was clear to see. Most days it felt like she looked straight through me, but tonight she was soaking me in. Today I didn’t need her words to know I was the man she loved; today her eyes told me everything I needed to know.
Happiness blazed from her. “I had the best appointment with Jane today, but I couldn’t even tell you why. It was as if something one of us said just triggered a change in me. You know how sometimes someone can say or do something and it makes you see things differently…well, that’s what happened.”
“What did she say?”
“She brought up coping mechanisms with me again and you know, I don’t think I was really listening all the other times she talked about them. Today it seemed to click into place and I feel like I can do this.” The way she gushed her words gave me hope this really might be a turning point. I hadn’t heard Harlow talk like this for a long time.
“Do you mean the things like doing yoga, and eating well, and writing shit down?”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Have you been researching it?”