“You look exhausted, honey,” she said as I led her into the kitchen. I’d spent a little bit of time with her since she and Scott had started rebuilding their relationship, but the awkwardness I’d always felt remained. I wished it away, but figured that would just take time.
I finished combing my hair and gave her my full attention. “I do feel really tired. I’ve been working a lot of double shifts lately because Indigo is short-staffed and need me.”
She turned thoughtful. “You know, I could take on some of those shifts for you, if you want.”
I stared at her. She could definitely do those shifts because she knew everything about working a bar after Layla had trained her. “That would be great. I’ll mention it to Wilder today and get him to contact you to see which ones match up with your schedule.” Why had I not thought of this already?
Her face spread into a smile as if I’d made her day. “Okay, I’m glad we got that sorted. Scott would never have asked me; he doesn’t like to involve me with the club much any more.” Sadness weaved its way through her words and touched me. I’d noticed that about Scott also.
A flash of boldness overtook me and I acknowledged the elephant in the room. “Sharon, why have we never taken the time to get to know one another?”
Uncertainty filled her features and she hesitated with her reply. “That’s on me, Harlow. I know you tried to reach out to me a few times over the last year, but for one reason or another, I was reluctant to get close. My relationship with Scott went to virtually non-existent while I was still living in denial over Marcus, so I kept myself away. Probably because deep down I knew Scott wanted to push me into facing who his father really was, and I wasn’t ready to face that. And now after Marcus’s death, I’ve struggled to find myself. It’s stupid, really, because you’d think his death would be the perfect opportunity for me to start over, but change and me don’t do well together.” Her honesty and willingness to be vulnerable inspired me to lay myself out there for her, too.
“I’ve learnt that finding yourself is hard work,” I said softly. “It’s like this never-ending struggle with doubt, and fear, and hope. And it’s like a rollercoaster ride of feeling good about yourself one day and then down the next. God, some days I can be up and down five times in one freaking hour. Drives me insane.”
She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I know that feeling all too well.”
I cocked my head, feeling reflective, and glad to be having this discussion. Not everyone liked to admit their struggles; I always felt relief whenever someone opened themselves up like this. “Why do we do it to ourselves?”
She sighed. “I have no idea. And you’d think that by my age I should, but I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever get to a point where I’ve got all this shit about myself figured out.”
“Let’s start over,” I suggested.
“You and me, you mean?”
“Yes. Let’s put everything that has happened over the last twelve months behind us and start afresh. I want you in our lives, and so does Scott.”
Her face creased in a frown. “I think Scott and I have a lot of work ahead of us before he’ll let me back in fully. But I’m happy that you and I can get to know each other now.”
“Scott’s a moody bastard, you know that. Take my word for it – he might not tell you or show you very well, but he wants you in his life. He might need some gentle encouragement, though, to acknowledge it.” I gave her a huge smile and then added, “I’m so glad we got to have this conversation today. I’ve been a little nervous about our lunch date.”
The tense set of her shoulders disappeared and she returned my smile. “Me too. Now, tell me what you need me to do today.”
I filled her in on Lisa and Michelle, and took her over to their house. They were both sleeping, so I woke Michelle up to let her know what was happening. She was so ill that she only nodded her agreement and then fell straight back asleep.
After I made sure Sharon had everything she needed, I headed back home to finish getting ready for work, and then drove to the café while ignoring the tickle in my throat. I had no time to be sick.
* * *
“I spoke with Sharon,” Wilder said to me that night after I arrived at Indigo for my shift. I’d told him that morning to call her. “She’s gonna pick up some of your shifts at Indigo.”
“Thank God.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you coming down with something?”
“No, I’m just tired, that’s all.” I followed him into the office and asked, “Have you heard from Scott or any of the boys?”
“No. You?”
I shook my head. “No.” I’d tried not to think about them all day, but it had been a futile attempt. I’d also struggled to think about anything else besides Lisa and her mother.