“Right,” she soothed. “Okay. Got it.”
Thank God the shop was empty. The woman was shredding me. And to think I’d been so sure this redhead in particular would fall for my wiles. No, that was quitter’s talk. Sooner or later, with her full enthusiastic consent of course, she would be mine. Probably. I mean…given my track record, the odds were quite good. People had always said that my self-belief was one of my defining attributes. I could not allow her to shake my faith in my delectability. Not happening.
“So, you live around here?” I asked, giving her my best teasing hint of a smile.
Her brows descended. They were so expressive. “Are you coming onto me?”
“What? No.”
“This is outrageous. I’m at work, sir!”
“And I respect that totally. You look very authoritative standing behind that counter. Like a hot naughty librarian.” I grinned again. Only if anything, she looked even more pissed. “Wait, no…ma’am. I mean, like a wizard of words, sharing her bookish knowledge with the world. Yeah. That.”
On a scale of appeased, she rated maybe a five-percent, at best. Shit.
“Why I think that helping people find literature is a wonderful calling,” I continued. “Spreading wisdom far and wide, helping people to expand their minds. I respect you for it big time.”
In lieu of answering, she started tallying up my purchase. Her long sensual fingers stabbing at the buttons as she added up the figures. Such violent motions made her breasts jiggle beneath her dress in a thoroughly beguiling manner. Had the girl not worn a bra? I bet she hadn’t. How awesome.
“You’re ogling me,” my lovely one sniped. “Stop it, please. You’re making me feel uncomfortable.”
“Like in a hot and flushed, turned on kind of way?”
Her mouth formed a perfect o.
“Will you at least tell me your name?”
Her pert nose rose high up in the air. “No.”
“Oh come on. I’ll tell you mine. It’s–”
“Sir, I do not care to know your name.”
“That’s so hot how you call me ‘Sir.’ Do you do that in the bedroom too?”
She gasped.
“Sorry. Just curious.” I tried to look apologetic. But honestly, it wasn’t an emotion I ascribed to in general.
Eyes wide, she just stared. “Why, I’ve never met such an ill-behaved rogue in my entire life. You, sir, are cocky. That’s what you are. And I mean it as no compliment.”
I got in closer. “Did you just say you wanted to see my cock?”
“I bet it’s as small and insignificant as your manners.”
“Is that a yes?”
“No,” she hissed. Then she suddenly seemed to change her mind, her pretty face returning to stern. So hot. “Actually, yes. If only to witness firsthand on behalf of all womankind how inadequate you truly are.”
“Excellent!” I rubbed my hands together. This was exactly how I’d imagined her falling into my arms demanding sexual pleasure. Well, mostly it was.
The woman tapped her foot loudly. “I’m waiting.”
I inspected our surroundings. It was your usual hipster bookshop. Beyond the large plate glass windows, a steady stream of people passed by. Normal for this hour of the day in the Pearl District of Portland. Not exactly the place to whip your dick out unless you wanted the police to come calling.
“I can hardly just get it out right here.”
“Why not?”
“Well, if you must know, my penis is not only unusually large and beautiful. But I’m sort of famous.” I shrugged. “A rock star, actually. Thought you might have recognized me by now, but obviously not.”
She yawned.
“If I get my dick out right here, we’ll have a riot on our hands.”
“I doubt it.”
“Doubt away, but it’s still the truth.” Hands on hips, I faced her down. “I’m sorry, miss. For your and my safety, along with the well-being of all the books in this fine establishment, we’re going to have to take this into the back room.”
With a toss of her shiny red hair, she nodded. “Fine. Whatever.”
“Glad you’re being sensible about this.”
The woman strode out from behind the counter, crossing the shop floor, and flicking the lock on the door. Now we were getting somewhere. It was hard to keep the smirk off my face. I looked really good smirking. “Sure you don’t want to tell me your name?”
“Nope and I don’t need to know yours either. This way…”
I followed her out back to a storage room, mesmerized by the sway of her curvy ass beneath the skirt of her dress. She really was my perfect woman. If only she’d admit it. Though there was a certain delight to be had in a woman playing hard to get. So long as she enjoyed herself too.
“I don’t expect this to take long,” she said, facing me with arms crossed in the crowded little room. Shelves lined the walls, full to overflowing with various tomes and shit. “Oh, wait, I didn’t think to bring a microscope. Am I even going to be able to see it unaided?”
“Haha, madam.”
She smirked. It’s quite possible she looked even better smirking than I did. Dammit.
“Try not to faint or anything,” I said, tearing open the buttons of my jeans. “It’s a bitch to catch swooning women with your pants around your ankles.”
The girl couldn’t have looked more bored. “I’ll do my best to hold it together.”
“You say that now, but many have been overwhelmed by the sight of my naked genitals. Why, it happens so often I’ve basically been declared a hazard to heterosexual women everywhere.”
“Do you always talk like this?”
In answer, I pushed down my black boxer briefs, baring my splendor to the world. Or to her at least. And there hung my dick in all its glory. “See, I even did some trimming for you.”
“That was considerate.” The corner of her lips crept up. “Stay in character. This won’t work if you don’t stay in character.”
“I’m staying in character, you stay in character.”
She giggled, then straightened her shoulders, taking a deep breath. “Oh. My. God.”
“Right? My dick’s amazing, isn’t it?” I happy sighed. “Told you, but no…you wouldn’t believe me.”
“I can’t believe you’d show a complete stranger your goods.”
“Hey now, you act like I get it out for just anyone and that’s not true. You’re special to me. Whoever you are.”
“This is so shocking. I’m shocked.”
“But in a good way, right?” I asked.
“It’s so…”
My heart was beating harder. It wasn’t easy staying cool when she stared at me like that. Already I was half hard, my cock hardening and lengthening. My balls felt heavy, ready. I licked my lips. “It’s so what?”
“Thick and ropey and meaty,” she said in a breathy voice, gaze still glued to me. “What turgid magnificence.”
“Sure, sure. I’ve used those words often myself.”
Now she turned coy, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. “Can I touch it? Please?”
“You’ve been pretty mean to me. All this disbelief combined with the harsh vibes, I honestly don’t know if you deserve it.”
At this she snorted.
“Pumpkin, stay in character,” I hissed. “How are you going to win a sex Oscar if you can’t stay in character?”
She bit back a smile and tossed her hair around once more. Some of it sort of whipped her in the eye which had to sting a little. But she carried on like a trooper. “How was I to know all of your aggressive male cockiness actually hid the cock of a god?”
“Ooh, good line,” I said. “Anyway…I’ve shown you mine so now you have to show me yours. Obviously. Lift that skirt, lady.”
Her hands covered the general area of her downstairs pink bits, her eyes wide with fake shock. “You want to see my pussy?”
“I demand to see your pussy.”
“Oh, no! But–”
“Just drop the panties.”
An actual real live blush hit her cheeks. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”