“You’re sure, Hellcat?” He asks.
“Not really,” I answer honestly and his sigh echoes in the room. He starts to pull away. “But, I want to try…” I add to stop him.
His hand comes up to the side of my head and he massages his fingers into my hair and keeps this intense stare-down aimed at me.
“Time for truth, Hellcat. What are you hiding behind those beautiful eyes?”
“I don’t want to think about the past. Not right now, Zander. Not with you.”
“Will you tell me someday?” He asks.
My stomach sinks. “This was a mistake,” I tell him, feeling let down.
“Don’t do that, sweetheart. Don’t run, not now. I just need to know that someday you’ll be able to trust me with those damn secrets that haunt you.”
I take a deep breath. His words turn over in my brain. They mingle with the want, need and fear…lots of fear.
“Before I got shot, we barely had a conversation, Zander. I don’t want to even think about my past. For once in my life I want to know what it feels like to have a man between my legs that I don’t hate. You have a reputation for being the Savage MC stud. The one who satisfies and makes them beg for more. Tonight, I just want to see what makes all the girls throw caution to the wind for a man and not regret it. So if that’s not you…forget it.”
I’ve said too much. I always do when my anger and fear mix, but I don’t want this from him. I want him to take. I was trying to shore up the courage to offer and not fuck it up with all the other shit that always stays in my head. I turn away from him, taking this as just another sign that I’m not a normal woman. I never will be. I get to the bedroom, pulling clothes out of my dresser. Tonight is not going to be a sleep night. I’ll go study the dancers or something. It’s time I wake back up to reality. This past week with Zander made me forget who I am.
I slide my jeans on, button them and then try to remember where Nailer left Nic’s car keys when he dropped off a few days ago. I keep Zander’s shirt on. Screw him. I’m claiming it. When I go to leave the room I realize Zander is standing in front of the door, a white towel swung low on his hips.
“Come here, Hellcat.”
“I think the time for that is gone, I’m heading out to Pussy’s.”
“What the fuck for?”
I wonder what he would do if told him the truth? Fuck it, tonight seems to be the night for truth.
“I go to study the dancers.”
“The dancers? Is that it, you like chicks too? Cause sweetheart, I’m okay…”
“God, how did I forget you are an asshole? I go to study the dancers, so I can be better.”
“I don’t think you should be dancing.”
“I don’t actually care what you think. Anyways, I’m heading out. I’ll talk to you later, Zander.”
“Why does it matter if you dance better?” He asks, and this time the tone of his voice changes. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me feel like he really wants to know and apparently tonight I’m in the mood to just tell everything—almost.
“Because, my body is all I have to depend on. If I’m good at dancing and make sure I stay in shape, then I’ll be able to take care of myself wherever I have to go.”
He frowns, like he doesn’t like my answers, but then why would he? He doesn’t know who I am.
“Is that why you starve yourself all the time and drink that damn tea shit that stinks to high heaven?”
I shrug, “It’s called a cleanse. It keeps my metabolism up, and I don’t starve.”
“Hellcat, you have so many twists and turns you make me dizzy.”
“Don’t worry about it Stud, not like it matters. I’ll talk to you later,” I say feeling defeated now. I got up the courage to take the plunge and it didn’t happen. Now, I just feel stupid, and I need to get away from him.
“I accept your terms,” he says just as I begin to push through him to leave the room.
My hands freeze on his chest and I look up at him.
“My terms?”
“Yeah. You don’t want the past brought up. You want to use my dick, I say absolutely. I just have one question. You answer it, and we’ll get this party started.”
I take a step away from him, wondering exactly what he’s got on his mind now.
“What’s the question? I already told you, I’m not discussing my past.”
“I get it, but what I have to ask you is very important on how we proceed here.”
His answer confuses me, but I’m curious and I still….want… him.
“Okay shoot, but I’m not promising to answer.”
I thought that would make him smile, it doesn’t. He looks totally serious and asks the one question, that I kind of hoped he would never ask.
“You said you have never had a man between your legs you didn’t ha….”
“I told you I’m not talking about this,” I interrupt him.
He puts his hands up before I continue and moves so that he is completely blocking the door. Blocking any hope of escape.