She swiped the backs of her hands across her cheeks, pain shooting through her at the skim over her welts, bruises and self-inflicted injuries. “Ow!”
The overhead light flipped on and Meggie blinked, the sudden brightness hurting her eyes. She curled her knees into her chest, praying for the ability to disappear. By the time she came to, Dinah and Thomas had been locked in their bedroom. Meggie had dragged herself to her bed, just over an hour ago, taking comfort in her surroundings, which reminded her of happier times. All around her were items she and her mother had chosen when Meggie turned thirteen. A redecorated room had been her birthday present. No expense had been spared, courtesy of her father. Meggie loved Monet and had a replica of Renoir Painting In His Garden hanging on her wall. Another wall had a framed print of Minnie Mouse with the words Explore the Magic Inside. Pretty lame, she knew, but she really liked Minnie Mouse.
“Girl.”
Gritting her teeth, Meggie pretended she didn’t hear Thomas, just as she’d zoned out the glare of the light when he’d walked in. Pink roses entwined with green vines were etched on the scalloped headboard on her bed. The footboard wasn’t so fancy.
Meggie huddled closer to the wall, searching for her knife but finding the razor blade she’d stashed a week ago.
Thomas’s heavy breathing polluted the air and grated on Meggie’s nerves. She clenched her teeth, pretending he wasn’t there, and raised the front of her gown. Thin silvery lines crisscrossed her outer thighs, mapping all the places she controlled what happened to her body. He was moving around in the room but she didn’t care. She knew what was coming, so she pushed his presence out of her head and ran her fingers through her pubic hair. It was so soft, unlike Thomas’s. She swallowed, held her breath, and dug the blade into the flesh on her hip, slicing straight, neat and not very deep, moaning at the pressure, the sting. The hurt.
“Scoot over.”
She did as instructed, shuddering when he pulled her into his arms and pinched her nipples. She dragged the blade through her upper thigh, the new wounds mingling with the older ones, and the blessed numbness she wanted embracing her. He shoved her nightgown above her waist and bit into her shoulder. She recited the words to Wrecking Ball in her head, fisting the blade in her hand, the pain tearing through her just as Thomas inserted his finger…there.
“Your ass is made for fucking,” he breathed.
Warm blood ran down her hand, joining the dried blood from earlier. He fumbled in his pajamas, his finger going in and out of her.
She remained quiet, still, the song beating through her head, her blood sliding down her skin. The overhead light reflected against her window, but Meggie concentrated and found the prettiness of the night. The clear, velvety brightness of the sky. The…
He shoved his flaccid penis against her and Meggie whimpered, unable to stop it. One day, he’d be sober enough to get a real erection. One day, he’d hurt her rather than just humiliate her. If she didn’t act. She trembled, her body a desert of pain and a tundra of shame, layered, hot on top of cold and cold on top of hot.
His hand fluttered across her belly and teased her pubic hair. Cutting her other wrist, Meggie closed her eyes, able to cope and pretend this was a man she wanted to make love with. The man who’d love and protect her. He’d listen to Bruno Mars and Miley Cyrus and Adele and Alicia Keys with her. He’d overlook her shame and what she couldn’t control and what she willingly did.
God, please. She would find that man. She had to.
Thomas’s fingers squeezed her clitoris and Meggie tensed, his alcohol-laced breath fanning across her cheek. She was as much a coward as her mother. If she had courage, she’d slice Thomas to pieces. She’d kill him with her bare hands, all five feet eleven inches and two-hundred fifty pounds of the mean pig.
“I’m gonna fuck you soon.”
Revulsion turned her stomach, competing with all her other emotions and aches. Dinah didn’t know how far Thomas had gone with Meggie over the past few months and she worried, if she told her mother, Dinah would be too frightened to do anything about it.
“Your stupid bitch mama refuses to put you on the pill.” He licked her ear and snickered, pulling back before slamming against her again. “I bet she will now after I kicked her ass tonight and showed her how I intend to fuck you.”
Big, overgrown tyrannosaurus rex. Under the guise of trying to free herself and knowing she couldn’t, Meggie jerked her elbow back and thunked his nose. The sharp intake of his breath made the hard slap against her belly he punished her with worth the pain.