The blunt reply shouldn’t have stung, but it did.
She couldn’t stop the bitter note in her voice. “I’m not in love with you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m still following the rules you set, Connor. I just don’t see the big deal in sharing a bed.”
He sat up, and she noticed that his cock was still hard, which annoyed her. How could he be aroused right now? Didn’t he care that he was being… what? Rude? Disrespectful? But he wasn’t. He was simply being honest about what he wanted. He’d been honest from the start.
“I sleep alone,” was all he said.
That stung too, especially since those three words were the equivalent of a dismissal. “Fine. I guess I sleep alone too, then.”
Feeling more defeated than she ought to, she rose from the bed and ducked into the bathroom to find her clothes.
Damn it. She was getting too attached to this man. She was working too hard to “solve” him. But maybe there was nothing to solve. Maybe he really was a cold bastard who just happened to burn hot in bed.
Well, fine. She’d take it, she supposed. Stop pushing him, keep it just about sex, and take all the pleasure he was willing to give until she’d gotten him out of her system.
Anything more than that was an exercise in futility.
Connor waited until Hudson was gone before he stepped onto the porch and lit a cigarette. He didn’t smoke unless he was feeling rattled. And he was feeling pretty fucking rattled right now.
His shoulders snapped straight when he heard footsteps, then relaxed as Rylan’s shadowy figure ambled over from the cabin next door. The other man’s face was revealed in a flash of orange light as Rylan lit a smoke of his own.
“It’s okay to like her, you know.”
Connor frowned. “I never said I didn’t like her.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. It’s obvious you like her. But it’s just as obvious that you don’t want to.”
His fingers tightened on his cigarette, nearly crushing it in half. “She wanted to sleep in my bed.” He kept his voice low so it didn’t carry in the night air.
“Lucky bastard.” Rylan sighed. “It’s been ages since I fell asleep tangled up with a woman.”
“Next time I’ll send her your way,” he muttered. Except that brought an angry clench to his chest. He didn’t mind sharing during sex, because it got Hudson off. It got him off. But he didn’t like the idea of Hudson snuggling up in Rylan’s bed. In Rylan’s arms.
Why should it bother him, though? It wasn’t like he was looking to make her his wife. He’d already had one of those, and she was buried under six feet of dirt, along with everyone else he’d ever cared about.
“Nah, you won’t do that,” Rylan said with a chuckle.
It pissed him off how well his friend knew him. “Yeah, well, maybe I should.” He took a quick drag. “You deserve to be happy.” He exhaled in a rush. “She can make you happy.”
“Brother, that sounds great in theory, but we both know she’s not into me like that. Yeah, she’ll ride my cock until we’re both limp, but she doesn’t want to cuddle with me. She doesn’t want to be with me.” Rylan shrugged. “I’m cool with that, by the way. I’m not looking to settle down.”
Neither was Connor. He’d tried it once, and all he’d gotten in reward was death and bloodlust.
“Don’t be so quick to dismiss it,” Rylan said quietly. “I think you need a woman like that in your life.”
Discomfort twisted his gut. “A woman like what?”
“Who’s not scared to call you on your bullshit.”
An unwitting grin sprang up. “I have you for that.”
“It’s not the same, jackass. She challenges you.” Rylan crumpled his cigarette in the ashtray on the ledge. “And she still gets your dick hard even after, what, two weeks? That’s a record for you. You usually tire of them after a couple hours.”
Connor didn’t deny it, though it wasn’t that he tired of women so much as distanced himself from them. It was too easy to get attached in this world, and getting close weakened you. It left you exposed to heartache that he wasn’t willing to endure again. He didn’t want anyone relying on him. He didn’t want to be placed in an impossible situation again, where his choices impacted other people’s lives.
“I’m turning in,” he said abruptly. “Go wake up Xan if you need some more girl talk.”
“You’re a stubborn bastard sometimes – you know that?”
“Well aware of that. ’Night, brother.”
He went inside and shut the door, putting a much-needed physical barrier between him and Rylan. Him and Hudson.
Him and the whole fucking world.
13