She froze for a second, until she realized that of course Connor had told his men where she’d come from. She didn’t imagine there were many secrets among the men, which only deepened the guilt already gnawing at her gut. They were providing her with shelter, food, protection, and she was lying to them. It didn’t feel right. But she’d given Connor all she could. If she wanted to survive, the rest needed to stay hidden.
Still, the back of her neck tingled as she thought about the half-truths she’d told him. Her tattoo was concealed under layers of makeup, the waterproof kind that ensured the summer heat didn’t smear it. As insurance, she always made sure to wear her hair down or in a braid, but she was still terrified Connor would discover the proof of her deceit.
But the thought of Knox tracking her down and forcing her into marriage terrified her more.
Swallowing, she forced her panicky brain to focus on Xander. “I don’t get why you use a god’s name as a curse.”
“Because that’s pretty much what it’s become. It’s a phrase now, more than anything. A way to voice frustration, or anger” – his dark eyes twinkled – “or something to say when you’re coming. Trust me, you’ll hear it a lot during sex.”
A blush rose in her cheeks. Rylan had said it, in some form or another, when his cock had been in her mouth. So had Connor, when he’d come all over her breasts and then kissed her as if he were a starving man and she was his only source of sustenance.
After what she’d done with them – to them – she was surprised she could still look either of them in the eye without keeling over from mortification. She should feel sinful.
But she didn’t.
If anything, she wanted to do it again.
She’d lain awake in her cabin last night hoping Connor would knock on her door after he tracked down Rylan, but she’d learned this morning that the two of them had spent half the night combing the woods for the wolf. To no avail, apparently, because Rylan had been spitting mad over breakfast, vowing to cut the wolf’s head off and wear it like a hat.
“My dad told me that taking the Lord’s name in vain used to be considered blasphemy.” Xander interrupted her thoughts, shrugging at his own remark. “But it doesn’t matter anymore. There aren’t many folks practicing religion out here. Most people gave up on God and Jesus once the bombs started falling.”
“The ones who survived the war didn’t pass it on to their children?”
“Some did.”
“Did your parents?”
“Not really. I mean, I know the stories, but my parents didn’t take any of it seriously.” He shifted around in his chair. “Talk to Kade when you get a chance.”
Her brow furrowed. “About what?”
“The city. He’s gonna have some questions for you.”
Discomfort roiled in the pit of her stomach. “What kind of questions?”
Xander’s tone went gruff. “He still has some family there. I think he wants to know if they’re okay.”
“Oh.” She swallowed. “I don’t think I’ll be much help with that. I didn’t have contact with a lot of people. I worked in a sector that most citizens don’t have clearance for.”
“Medical. Yeah, Con told us.” His lips tightened. “So it’s true, then?”
“What’s true?”
“The council really does decide who lives and dies.”
Although the accusation wasn’t directed at her, Hudson couldn’t stop another rush of guilt. Her father had founded the Colonies, after all. He’d made the decision to withhold medicine from society. Warranted or not, she felt like that made her responsible too.
“It’s not decided on a case-by-case basis,” she said clumsily. “Only the Enforcers get the treatments. And the children of council members. And, well, the council members, of course.”
What was the matter with her? The people in West City accepted the practice because… well, because they’d never known anything else. But Hudson had witnessed the injustice firsthand, watched her father receive house calls from doctors while denying his own wife the same privilege. It was so much easier to grasp the unfairness of it when you saw both sides of the screwed-up system. So why was she defending it?
“The fact that you listed three different groups who are deserving of lifesaving treatments confirms what I already knew,” Xander muttered. “The GC are sadistic motherfuckers.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I got defensive. Believe me when I say that I absolutely agree with you. It isn’t fair.”
“Life seldom is.”
She couldn’t argue with that, so she pointed at the laptop instead. “If you manage to hack into this system, will you be able to get the phones to work?”
“That’s the plan.”
“I’ll let you get back to it, then.”
Nodding, Xander shifted his attention back to the computer, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he attempted to… do whatever the hell he was trying to do. Hudson was proficient with technology, but not to the extent of hacking into global satellites.