I still didn’t know why I loved being submissive to him like this, but I did. The more he did it, the more I wanted it. The more I needed it.
The next three months absolutely flew by. Mark and I saw each other three, maybe four times a week. He wasn’t kidding about travelling a lot; there were quite a few weeks where he was away on business during which we wouldn’t see each other at all. And when he wasn’t working on the business, he was working on his charity, an organization dedicated to helping disadvantaged kids get access to computers, textbooks and tutors for school. Mark loved his charity, and spoke about it constantly. As the time passed, I found that I missed him when he was gone. I wanted to spend every waking moment of every day with Mark. I began to realize after a while that I was well and truly falling in love with him. There was absolutely no doubt about it.
We were lying in bed, in his enormous, ridiculously comfortable king bed, both of us staring at the ceiling, exhausted from the sex we’d just had, when he asked me the last thing I had ever expected to hear.
“Listen, Caroline, I want to ask you something.”
“Yeah?”
“Before I start, I want you to know that it’s totally fine if you say no. I’ll understand.”
“O...kay...” I answered, not really sure where this was going.
“I want you to be my submissive. I want to claim you, to make you mine, every second of every day. It would mean that no matter where we are, no matter what, you would have to do anything and everything I ask of you.”
I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t been expecting this at all. His submissive? That sounded really permanent somehow. I mean, I liked it when he tied me up, when he spanked me, when it felt like he had all of the control, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to make it permanent.
“I... would have to think about it, I think,” I replied eventually.
“Of course. Take your time. I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.”
I wasn’t sure why I didn’t immediately say no. I mean, wasn’t that what anyone else would have done? Who agrees to be their boyfriend’s submissive?
The next day Mark was going away for a week to Seattle. I spent my days working, my nights sitting in my apartment, wondering about what my life would be like if I took Mark up on his offer? And what if I didn’t? Would he break up with me? I didn’t want that, of course, and I also didn’t know if it would happen.
At the same time, thinking about the things Mark might make me do if I was bound to listen to his commands every second of every day sent my heart racing. What if he wanted me to have sex with him in his office? In a public place? I’d have no choice but to obey, to do exactly what he wanted. I could feel my panties moistening at just the thought of it.
The question was, however, did I want to move this fast? I wasn’t a trusting person by nature, my upbringing and former relationships had ensured that. We had only been dating a few months, after all. I felt like I knew Mark, and yet at the same time, I also knew there were things he wasn’t telling me. What were those things? Would I consider them deal breakers? Those were questions I might not even know the answer to before making this decision.
My body wanted me to say yes, but my mind wanted me to say no.
By the time Mark came back from Seattle I still didn’t have an answer for him. He told me again that it was fine, there was absolutely no rush. I appreciated the fact that he gave me the time to come to my own decision without pressuring me into doing something I wasn’t comfortable with. In the meantime we continued dating, seeing each other. I found myself sleeping over at his place more and more, and every time he went away on business I felt my heart panging, longing for him.
A month or so after he had originally asked me about becoming his submissive, Mark asked me out to a charity dinner his family was holding.
“I don’t want to go, I absolutely hate these things. I know my father holds them on purpose, to make us all stand around and look good in photos and pretend we’re a normal family, but I despise them more than anything. Also with Teach the Children, it’s good for me to show up at my family’s dinners, for the exposure and everything. That said, I’d love to take you as my date this year. You would have to meet the rest of my family. I promise you, my sister is lovely.”
“Well seeing as you’re selling it to me as such a fun night, how can I say no?” I answered. Mark smiled at my sarcasm.
“Yeah, well, I figured it’s best to be honest. The dinner’s in New York, we’d have to fly over there the morning of, then fly back the next day.”