Circle of the Moon (Soulwood #4)

“There’s things you don’t know. Things I haven’t told you. Not to keep them a secret, or because of anything …” He stopped. Started again. “After the fight when I was burned, I was … a gibbering, screaming half cat.” He studied me, adding slowly, “I had third-degree burns over seventy percent of my body. My lungs were damaged. My esophagus and trachea were mostly gone. When Soul came back to her senses, she put me back in a silver-lined cage and T. Laine spelled me to sleep, hoping I’d heal.”

I hadn’t known all that. There was probably a lot of stuff I had never known. But it’s hard to know things when no one wants to tell the truth, when they want to spare you from the painful things in life. Or when they just don’t think it matters and therefore don’t tell you stuff that might be important later on.

“Rick was a lot better off than I was and he flew to Gabon soon after the fight, to look for a healer capable of working with weres. He found a clan of wereleopards with a were-healer willing to help us heal. He flew back and packed me up and brought me to Gabon with him.”

“I know that.”

“The healer was a … like a tribal shaman, I guess. He spoke only French and the tribal language, one of the Bantu languages, and Rick left me with him and came back to the States. I understood some things by hand gestures and there were enough similarities with Spanish that I could follow other things, but I was alone.”

This stuff was new. Stuff I didn’t know. “Okay,” I said, my ire slipping away.

“There were a lot of ceremonies and a lot of horrible stuff to drink. Strange things to eat. They put me in moving water to debride the burns, and the children born into the black leopard clan kept watch over me to make sure the crocs didn’t find me and attack.” As he talked, Occam’s eyes had begun to glow golden. His voice had dropped to a growly note of cat. “Believe it or not, the pain of healing was a hell of a lot worse than the burns themselves because the nerves in the burned tissue were burned dead, but when the water ripped the dead tissue away, it exposed the nerves and … no one can ever believe that level of pain unless they’ve been burned like that.”

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. If I hadn’t been a tree, I might have helped him.

He shrugged slightly, more a tip of his head than anything defined. “I got better. The pain got less. I came back to help you de-tree.”

I smiled at his choice of words.

“However, while I was healing alone in Gabon and while you were a tree, the Dark Queen and the New Orleans fangheads killed a lot of European vamps. They also killed a mess of were-creatures, including some African werelions and Kemnebi, Rick’s black wereleopard alpha.”

I had read the reports—every special agent in PsyLED had read the reports—but I had a feeling Occam’s monologue was leading to something that I didn’t know, so I didn’t react. I waited. Occam didn’t respond agreeably to a woman just standing there, waiting, restrained, silent. I had to wonder if his mama or some woman in his past used to throw things. Pots. Dishes.

“This part isn’t in the official reports. And I don’t know the details. But somehow Jane, the Dark Queen, made Rick her beta and somehow, through the Merged Laws of the Cursed of Artemis, Rick inherited Kemnebi’s property.” He smiled slightly. “And ended up with Kem’s family. Four wives and their kids.”

“Rick …” I stopped. I didn’t know where this speech was going, but I didn’t like it. “Okay. Rick has four wives. Like the church.”

“He offered them annulment. Or divorce. But they won’t go.” Occam’s eyes went the nervous bright gold of his cat. He scrubbed his hands on his jeans; his palms were sweating. “Together as a leap, with Rick as their off-site alpha, they have a strong pack magic and have managed to repel all the males who might want to take over. They like things the way they are. No male on-site.”

“Okay. I’m’a be honest here, Occam. You’re rambling.” But Occam seemed to have reached the end of his ability to communicate. Or the look on my face had stopped him. Or my scent, which had to be communicating my reaction even better than my words or expression. “Occam, what are you trying to tell me? Spit it out.”

“I slept with the leap of leopards, all in a pile, as part of a healing.” Occam turned a darker shade of red. If his color was an indication, he was about to die from apoplexy. “And I had to be naked. That’s the first thing.”

I had heard of pack magic for helping injured were-creatures to heal. I didn’t know if it was real power or something like a sugar pill, but Occam didn’t have a family or a pack or anything except Rick, and Rick had saved him when I couldn’t by sharing his new family. I reckoned that meant I owed Rick something, except that would mean that Occam and I were a … thing. But he had used the words slept with and naked. “Occam, are you trying to tell me that you had sexual relations with one or more of Rick’s wives?”

“No! Slept as in slumber, not as in sex.” He waved his hands in front of me as if he was wiping away something in the air between us. “No sex.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you had sexual relations with one of Rick’s children by marriage?”

Occam stepped back fast. “No. Hell no.”

“Are you trying to tell me you had sexual relations with Rick?”

“Holy shit, woman. No.”

“I don’t rightly think God shits. Jesus, now, he probably had to go.”

Occam made a sound that was part splutter, part gasp at my blasphemy. “How did we get on the subject of Jesus’ bowel movements?”

“You said holy shit.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I … Yes, I cussed.” He wiped his palms on his jeans and ran his disfigured hand and fused fingers through his hair and over the bald, scarred areas of scalp. He had broken out in a sweat that stained the underarms of his T-shirt. “I needed you to know that I was naked during the healing.”

“Okay.”

“Because there was talk about the wives coming here someday and they might meet you.”

“Okay.” I was fighting a grin. “And you drove all the way out here and woke me up to tell me about something that happened months ago? In Gabon?”

Occam blinked once at that. “But I didn’t have sex with anyone while I was in Gabon. Or anywhere else since I met you. Even with Yummy, who offered to heal me with her blood if I slept with her. If I had sexual relations with her. Last night. I mean, she offered that last night. This morning actually. Just after I got to the office.” He held out his cell phone as proof. There were texts on the screen.

Ahhh. Understanding bloomed through me like a flower opening. This was why he was so odd this morning. This had been the text that sent him walking away from me after bringing me coffee.

I didn’t look at the cell, keeping my eyes on Occam. “Why not?” When he looked confused I asked, “Why didn’t you have sex with anyone?”

“Because I’m …” He shook his head, befuddled. Which was a much better word than confused. “Because I was waiting on you, Nell, sugar.”

“You were waiting on me to have sex with?” I asked, my irritated amusement taking a hard turn into a new causation. “Just to clarify.”

“For someone who knows nothing about romance you sure do talk straight, Nell, sugar.” Sweat had popped out on his face and I had a feeling it wasn’t just the heat making that happen.

“You’re right,” I said. “I don’t know nothing about romance, but I know a lot about sex and not much of it good. You gonna clarify?”

A strange expression flitted across Occam’s face. It was part perplexity, part wonder, part uncertain discomfort, part embarrassment. Carefully, he said, “Nell, sugar. I’m not waiting to have sex with you.”

I tilted my head. “That’s what we’re talking about, isn’t it? Or talking around?”

“No. It isn’t. Since the first moment I met you, I’ve been waiting to make love with you.” When I didn’t reply he added, softly, “I love you, Nell, sugar. And I have a feeling you never made love with someone who loves you to the full moon and back.”

The anger and amusement drained out of me like water from a broken dam. My fists unclenched. My body felt heavy and tired and agitated all at the same time. Something I didn’t understand pulsed through my body like … like the way heroin must feel when a junkie shoots up. Something good. Something addictive. The words I’ve been waiting to make love with you and loves you to the full moon and back ricocheted around in my brain box like balls on a billiards table. “Oh,” I said.

Occam took a step closer. A sliding, muscular movement that was nothing a human can make. Silent. Hunting cat. “I love you, Nell, sugar. I love you with no demands. Nothing held back. I love you to the exclusion of all others. I love you now, when you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I loved you when you were a tree. I will love you when you grow gray haired and your leaves are brittle and brown. I want to make love to you. When you happen to be ready. When you know you love me that exact same way.”

“To the full moon and back?”

“Exactly that way.”

“Are you courting me, Occam?”

“I am indeed, Nell, sugar. After Larry Aden abducted you, while you were beinged for injuries, I informed your mama and your daddy that I was courting you.”

He was close, so close I could feel his body heat through my clothes even in the stuffy house. “Oh?”

“Your mama seemed happy. Your daddy called me a devil cat. I told him this devil cat loved his plant-woman.”