“What the heck is going on?” I ask.
Out of nowhere, tens of Reds jump out of the cars. Next to them, the police officers take off their uniforms, revealing Red’s robes underneath.
"That was fun, wasn't it?" The chubby man jumps up and high fives the lanky one who drops his trousers but catches them half way down. "Give her to us," he says to the silent Red gripping me. "You've done a good job and we've had some fun. Mr. Jay is waiting for her."
Feeling humiliated, I assume the Red behind me is going to hand me to them. But instead, still just as silent, he pulls out a sword and flashes it toward them, chopping off their heads one by one.
At first he does it while he is still gripping me with the other hand. It’s like a dance of death. A ballet of incomprehensible, killing techniques. The Red is a master who is killing his own people with such fluency I have never seen before I glimpse at a couple of None Fu techniques among his plethora of unbelievable moves.
But before I witness the end of the massacre, I bump my head on the back of his sword and fall unconscious, literally not knowing what the hell just happened.
Chapter 5
Buckingham Palace, Queen’s garden.
The Queen of Hearts had her men lined on the vast chessboard, which she had planted at the bed of her chamber’s garden. The chess tiles were white squares of grass amidst black squares of black roses. Her gardener had told her that the white plants were special winter lilies, which had been exclusively imported from Siberia. When she’d asked the name of the black roses, she was shocked with the response. At first she’d thought they were painted black roses, but her gardener had told her they weren’t. They were called Black Shit Roses, and they only grew in her royal garden.
But that was of no concern to her now. All she wanted was to treat herself with a human-sized chess game, using her less-than-dumb guards as chess pieces. It seemed like a fascinating idea, using humans for chess. Because, after all, a politician’s best talent was to do so.
“They’re ready, my Queen,” said the chubby boy with the ice cream in his hand. Margaret’s boy, whom the Queen took care of now, teaching him the science of all bonkers and evil. “Red guards against white guards. I’ve lined them up like a chessboard.”
“Brilliant, Humpty Dumpty,” the Queen called him by his Wonderland name, which Margaret had hated all along. “Have you taught them how the game is played?”
“Of course,” Humpty chirped with lips smeared with ice cream. “You tell them the move you have in mind, and they obey without questioning you, as if they weren’t human.”
“Just like in real life.” The Queen smiled. “My government tells people what to do and they just do it. Sometimes we make them think this is what they want to do, so they do it without knowing it’s what we want them to do, but that’s another story. So what happens if one of my chess pieces decides to disobey me?”
“They get their head chopped off, my Queen?” Humpty titled his head, which was too heavy he almost lost balance and fell.
“Exactly.” She patted his bloated face with her chubby hands. “And please don’t call ‘my Queen’.”
“Really? What should I call you?”
“Call me ‘Mum’.”
Humpty looked reluctant, but then she pushed the fat cone of ice cream down his throat and he didn’t care anymore, as long as he was fed.
“But I have a question, Mum,” he said through blotched lips. “Who are you playing against?”
“My dogs.” She pointed at them panting with excitement on the other side of the board.
“Dogs?” One of the guard standing on the chessboard objected.
“Yes, dogs.” The Queen stood straight. “Haven’t you seen a queen play chess with her dogs before?”
“But how are we supposed to understand what the dog wants us to do?”
“Just like you understand me. I talk. They woof. Not much of a difference.” She said.
“Woof?” The guard, whose position was a pawn on the chessboard, said.
“I’ll show you.” She stood by the side of the board and ordered her dogs to kick-start the game.
The dogs didn’t get it at first, still panting with excitement, probably waiting for their Brazilian nuts.
“Come on, sweeties,” the Queen said. “Make your move.”
“Woof. Woof.” Barked the dog in front, staring right at the reluctant guard.
“See?” The Queen waved both hands sideways. “Woof. Woof.”
“So?” The guard grimaced.
“So follow the orders and make the move.” She began to tense and become annoyed.
“Woof. Woof.” Humpty laughed at the guard.
“Don’t interfere, Humpty. Let Mum take care of this,” the Queen said. “You better stick to ‘lick, lick.’”
The dog barked again.
“I don’t know what I should do.” The guard said.
“What does a pawn do in chess?” The Queen asked.
“They either advance or move diagonally,” The guard answered.