"I really have to go," Jesse finally says, the somber inflection of her words breaking through my thoughts.
"Babe, please. Don't leave like this. Let me grab some beers. We can cook dinner, watch re-runs...whatever you want to do. I'm sorry, just stay tonight. We can figure this out tomorrow." The desperation in my voice does nothing sway her.
"Let me go, Brett."
"No," I childishly reply, hoping that one word is enough to make her stay. See I told you, total dumb ass.
"Let. Me. Go." I know she isn't talking about physically releasing her anymore. I get the sinking feeling that somewhere in this huge crap-tastic misunderstanding she was hoping for some grand gesture or declaration of love. Yet, my silence has spoken more words than everything else I've ever said combined.
So I do the only thing I know to do. I hold her tighter than humanly possible. I can hear her breath catch and her grunt in discomfort, but I know that when I let go she's walking out my door. And just like Sarah, she will probably never come back. Maybe calling her Sarah wasn't so wrong after all.
A minute later, I lean down, kiss her hair, and finally do what I should have done after our first night together. I let Jesse walk away.
Jesse
THIS IS all my fault. This is what I get for falling in love with an unavailable man. The bridge is officially crumbling under my feet, and instead of holding on like I swore I would do, I walked away. But I don't see Brett rushing after me, begging me to stay. He's probably cracking open a beer, and pretending none of this ever happened right about now. He's good at denial. I am too, usually, but I can't stay trapped in that relationship anymore.
I love him. I could have gotten over him calling me Sarah, if he told me how he really felt about me. About us. Brett fought harder to make me stay months ago when we had only been on one date. This time he had nothing to say. He looked at me with no more words than he had emotions. No sun and fog romantic speech. Tonight, I got a hug and nothing but bone chilling silence. He's always says I make his world go silent. So I guess it's a fitting end for us.
I tried to do what my mom, Caleb, and Kara all urged me to do. I tried to give him time. Granted, five months isn't long, but it's all I have to give. It took me half of that to realize I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I knew this was going to be hard. He told me he couldn't commit or make me any promises, but I thought we had moved passed that. We've come a long way since that night by his car when I poured my heart out to him. Heck, we might as well be living together. But tonight said it all. All I've ever done is fight for us. In the beginning I was willing to do that because Brett was fighting too.
Now, as I walk down the cold street trying to hail a cab, I see it all too clear. Sarah is the only woman Brett will ever truly fight for.
Brett
THE PAIN in my chest is unbearable. The noises of the world are swirling around my head. I've now officially failed both of the women who have trusted me with their heart. Sarah might be the broken one, but I'm damaged beyond repair too. I won't be the same after Jesse. There is no way I can put myself out there just to selfishly crush another unsuspecting woman. Why the hell couldn't I just open my mouth and fucking tell her how I feel? I know I feel...something. I just can't figure out what that something is.
I snatch my phone off the table, and try to stop myself from dialing her number. Maybe I should call and apologize. And tell her what? That I still can't give her what she wants from me. It's been five fucking minutes. Nothing has changed. Instead, I dial Caleb.
"What's up?" he thankfully answers. It's Saturday night. There was no guarantee he wouldn't be in the middle of banging his way through the female population of Chicago.
"I need a drink."
"I'm kind of busy, can we do it tomorrow?" I hear a woman's voice in the background. Obviously, I was right about his activities tonight.
"Jesse left."
"To go where?"
"I called her Sarah and she bolted. I'm pretty sure we're done. I need to get drunk, or I'm going to end up destroying my apartment. You in or not?"
"Shit! I'm about twenty minute away. Want to meet at the bar?" he says as the woman begins to whine in the background.
"Sounds good."
"Hey, what did you say to her after you called her Sarah?"
I let out a loud sigh, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
"Fuck, you're an idiot. I'll be there soon."
"Thanks," I reply but he already hung up.
TWENTY MINUTES later I sit at the bar relishing in the burn as Jack Daniels slides down my throat.
"She loves you, what the hell are you doing sitting here with me?" Caleb asks when I finish telling him the whole story. Usually Caleb and I would bullshit about work or football, but as much as it pisses me off, he and Jesse are close.
"She left," I say, annoyed.