"Let's do this, gorgeous."
We walk into the bowling alley to see it packed for a Sunday evening. Dozens of eyes seem to breeze over me landing directly on Jesse, sweeping her from head to toe. A few of the men openly stare at her chest as she walks. I swear one of them even had the balls to adjust his pants when we passed by his lane! I had to fight the urge not to rip off whatever pencil dick he was grabbing while drooling over my woman…I mean, a woman half his age. I knew right then that this was going to be a short excursion.
I’m not about to sit and watch men ogle Jesse as she bowls in this dress. Because of my stupid "just friends" conversation earlier, I can't even wrap an arm around her waist claiming her for everyone to see. One game, then we are out of here. We'll go to a nice restaurant or maybe find a nice empty bar where we can hang out. As we reach the counter, I pull out my wallet to pay, but Jesse stops me first.
"I'll pay for myself. Friends, remember?" She looks up at me with a smile on her face.
"Right. Friends." I remind myself again. "Don't worry, I've got this. You get to buy the first pitcher."
"Deal." She heads off towards the bar followed by the eyes of every man in the building.
"Wait, what size shoe do you wear?"
"Five and a half."
"Holy shit. Is that even an adult size?"
"Laugh it up now, big boy," she says, glancing around at the crowd and then tugging her dress down an inch. I can't help but mumble a, "That's what she said," under my breath as I watch her tight little ass head towards the bar.
I pick out a ball with great attention to detail. I have big plans for this bet with Jesse. I haven't bowled in several years, so I'm going to need all the help I can get tonight. I find the perfect twelve pound ball and move to lane three. While she is still stuck at the bar, I assign our names, Tiny and Hulk. It seemed fitting. When she sees our new nicknames on the monitors, she laughs. It makes it worth every penny of the twenty bucks I tipped the lane attendant to get us set up. It has been years since I last played. I didn't want to still be stumbling with the video scoreboard when she came back.
"This must be a fancy bowling alley. They have a ton of beer on tap. Here, take this. I need to grab some balls." I groan at the endless number of jokes I could make from that last statement.
"Are you alright?" she asks for the third time today. I bite my lip and nod enjoying the view of her walking away again.
I sit down and try to squeeze my feet into the rented shoes. No one ever carries a men’s size fifteen, so I have to squeeze into a fourteen. I'll have a million blisters tomorrow. I stand up looking down at Jesse's shoes lined up with mine and shake my head at the enormous size difference. It's ridiculous. When she walks up carrying a twelve and fourteen pound ball, all that ridiculousness is forgotten.
"Oh my God, those balls are huge!"
"Thanks, I'm quite fond of them," she winks in my direction.
"No, I mean seriously. They're huge! You do know you have to repeatedly throw them down the lane?"
"Golly gee Brett, is that how bowling works?" She feigns ignorance.
"Yeah, smart ass. It is! Are you sure you don't want me to ask for one of the special kiddie balls?"
"Alright, keep it up! When you're washing my car with a toothbrush tomorrow, I hope you remember this moment."
"What moment?" I ask as she bends over, picking up a ball that is nearly half her size.
"This one." She turns and throws it down the lane with a skilled ease.
I watch with my mouth gaping open, as I see Jesse’s ball spin to the left, teetering on the edge of the gutter before veering back to the right, and slamming into the center. Pins go flying on impact and not a single one is left standing. I close my eyes shaking my head in utter disbelief that this woman has managed to hustle me yet again. Luckily, I open them just in time to catch Jesse doing the world’s worst 1980's robot dance in celebration. Okay, so maybe losing to Jesse won't be so bad after all.
Brett
"HOW DID I get so drunk?" Jess slurs as we finish up the fifth and final game of bowling.
Despite my earlier plans to leave as quickly as possible, we've been here for hours. I got over my jealousy issues with guys staring at Jess. Okay maybe "getting over it" is a bit of a stretch, but I did find a solution. I couldn't let Jesse know I was trying to publicly claim her, but I sure as hell could let these disgusting men know who she was leaving with. Just call me Captain Loophole.
For the first two games, I would pick a random gawking man and stare him down while Jess took her turn. The more beer I drank, the more aggressive my glare became. Eventually, I'm sure they all got the idea. They also probably thought I was insane, but the obvious drooling stopped.
"Well, it could have been the pitcher of beer that you drank by yourself during game four," I answer, watching her flop down onto one of the hard plastic chairs.