"Oh, because you have done such a fabulous job of moving on from Manda? You're telling me to move on when you go sit on her grave every other night. Well guess what, Jones, you need to move on too. Manda is gone. Where's your date?" I know it's a low blow, but I keep talking, "Christ, I'm married. I can't go on a date."
"You know what, fuck you, Brett. Yeah, I go see Manda, but that's because I'm the only one who visits her. When was the last time you went to her grave? Or what about Casey or even Sarah." He spits her name out of his mouth like it burns on his tongue.
"Don't make this about Sarah." I momentarily calm, knowing this is about to go downhill, and fast.
"But isn't this about Sarah? Isn't it always about fucking Sarah?
"Shut up, Caleb."
"It was supposed to be Sarah."
"God damn it! Shut up!" I jump to my feet screaming, causing everyone to stare over at us. But their curious looks are far better than the physical and emotional war that is about to take place between Caleb and I...again.
Four years earlier…
THREE DAYS after the accident Amanda Baker was laid to rest. Sarah was still in the hospital, but I left her with her parents so I could be with my best friend as he buried the love of his life. Because Caleb and Manda were not married, her parents made all of the funeral arrangements. They buried her in some dreadful frilly outfit that she would have despised. But then again, what do you bury someone as extraordinary as Regina Phalange in? Caleb just couldn't accept these details.
"What is she wearing? Oh God, she's going to kill me if I let her parents bury her in that shit." Leaning forward, he rubs his hands quickly across his face. "Seriously, do you think I can destroy those clothes before they close the casket?" He tries to joke, but instead falls to his ass on the cold concrete outside the church. "Why is she in a casket? I need to wake up from this because I can't do it anymore." The loss in his voice is alarming. I knew he would be devastated by Manda's death. I wasn't expecting this level of sheer hollowness in his voice though.
"Come on, we need to get back inside." I try to offer a distraction from his quickly approaching breakdown.
"I miss her," he says into his hands, offering nothing else.
"I know, man. I know."
"Oh, you think you know? You think you know how this feels?" he stands up wiping his tears on the back of his sleeve. "Last I checked, Sarah is breathing right now."
"You know I didn't mean it like that. We all miss Manda."
"You think you know how I feel, huh?" he asks again, this time accompanied with a manic laugh. "You have no idea what I'm feeling. Sarah lived, and Manda gets to be forgotten six feet under."
"No one is going to forget her," I say quietly, not wanting to match his level of intensity.
"Have you told Sarah that she killed her yet?"
"We don't know for sure who was driving."
"Oh yeah, your wife is almost six feet tall. My...fiancé," he spits out the poisonous word, "was only 5'2". Unless Manda was wearing eight inch stilts, the position of the driver’s seat proves it was Sarah driving that car!" Caleb steps up into my face issuing some sort of challenge. I stand stock still, refusing to take his bait. He's broken, pissed off, and looking for a fight.
"You need to back up. I am not your enemy, and I'm not going to fight you today. If you just need someone to punch, have at it.” I toss my hands out to the side opening myself up to the physical blows of the man I would do anything for. "Do your worst. But if you are looking for someone to hit you back so you can forget all this shit for a few minutes, you are barking up the wrong tree." Seconds later, he deals a verbal assault that makes me change my mind.
"It should be Sarah laying in that casket."
"Excuse me?"
"It should be fucking Sarah laying in there! How much did she have to drink that night?"
"She wasn't drunk, don't take this there."
"Her blood alcohol may have showed she was sober, but how long did they wait to run that? She was a cop’s wife!" he screams, stepping up bumping his chest with mine. "You know the only reason they didn't check her blood for alcohol the minute she was brought in is because she was yours."
"She wasn't drunk, Caleb. The witnesses on the scene said it was a red head driving. So maybe Manda didn't adjust the seat or maybe it shifted on impact, I don't know. But this conversation is over." But Caleb was just getting started.
"She killed Manda and she killed me. I don't know what happened that night, but Sarah may as well have pulled a trigger aimed directly at my head because she has destroyed my fucking life. I've heard all about her little freak-outs every day, but it still sounds like that crazy ass bitch got nowhere near the punishment she deserves after killing Manda."