BRETT AND I have spent the last few hours lying in bed. We’re naked wrapped in each other arms, but there is nothing sexual about it. This is two people who are just thankful to still have each other to hold. Today was hell. There are no other words to describe it.
When I heard the gunshot and saw Brett stumble backwards, I thought my life was over. I’d just witnessed Caleb heartbreakingly try to let go of Manda, and all I could think about was having to sit on Brett’s grave and do the same. When he stood and walked towards me, my heart exploded in my chest. I didn’t know if he had been shot, but I knew I would at least be able to hold him again.
I’ve witnessed firsthand the way death paralyzed Brett and Caleb, but it wasn’t until that moment that I understood why. It was the most painful experience of my life. When Brett explained what he thought happened to me, my heart broke for him as well.
Every few minutes Brett mumbles something I can’t quite understand. He’s not talking to me, but I can tell he’s replaying the day in his mind. When the memories get to be too much, I feel his heart begin to race just before he gives me a deep, agonizingly slow kiss. Each time he grows hard against my leg, but he never takes it to a sexual place. He doesn’t need that connection tonight. He just needs to feel me in his arms.
Occasionally he will roll us over, but he never lets me go. He drags me over with him, keeping me curled tight against his chest. We must have stayed like that for hours before he got to a point where he could actually talk.
“How did you end up at Manda’s grave?” he asks with a small quiver to his voice. It’s so unlike Brett. Even in stressful situations, he’s always cracking jokes. It worries me a little, but I give him the time to figure it out on his own.
“Caleb showed up to check on me. He said you told him we split up, and he wanted to see how I was doing. He looked so sad, Brett. I could tell something was eating away at him, but he still made time to come see how I was doing. He’s a good guy.”
“Yeah he is, gorgeous,” he says, running his fingers through my long hair.
“I told him what happened when you showed up last night, and he smiled the most painfully fake smile I have ever seen. So I did what I always do, I begged him to take me to meet Manda.”
“Of course you did.” He half smiles and rolls us over again.
He uses the tips of his fingers to ever so gently stroke up and down my side. Goosebumps immediately spread across my skin and he pulls the blanket over me.
“He’s worse than you know. Caleb may act like everything is fine, but he really needs help,” I say, gently placing a kiss on Brett’s collar bone.
“You know, he’s never taken anyone there before. I once showed up to take her some flowers and he got up and walked away without a single word. That’s his private place. I owe him my life for taking you with him today. I can’t imagine…” he trails off then reverently kisses me again when he can’t bear the thoughts that invade his mind.
“I’m okay, Brett,” I whisper against his lips. He nods, but even though I couldn’t get any closer without melting into his body, he still tries to close the invisible gap.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, gorgeous. Forever.”
Forever. It’s a single word that hold so much promise. It means, no matter what, we will always fight for each other.
The last six months have been a roller coaster. It’s been nothing but a struggle from the very beginning. Between Sarah, Brett’s guilt, and my insecurities it’s been one road block after another. It’s never been easy, but we are stronger because we overcame the struggles we have faced together. The fact that we are here in this moment…together, speaks more about our relationship than anything else.
“Do you hear that, gorgeous?” Brett says, rolling me to my back, finally trailing kisses down my chest.
“Hear what?” I ask on a breath.
“The silence.”
Brett
Nine months later…
“JESSE JAMES Addison,” the announcers says into the microphone as the love of my life walks across the stage to receive her diploma.
A few days after everything went down with Sarah, Jesse walked into her advisors office and officially declared a major. She has just received her bachelor’s degree in Counseling, and will start on her Master’s degree next month. Eventually, she’ll earn her PhD and become a licensed grief counselor. She said it was the first time in her life she saw the path laid out in front of her. I know she’ll be wildly successful. After all, she rescued me.