“I’m sorry, Ryiah.” Her voice was hoarse. “I’ll try and stop him.”
And then she was gone. A second horse’s bray and then a second misting of dirt hitting the air.
Then it was just me and my parents.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“First Derrick…” My father could barely speak. “And now Alex…”
My mom just stared at me, and the way her nails dug into her palms I knew she was fighting not to speak her thoughts aloud. But her eyes were sad, and my mother was never sad. She was strong.
And now my parents were breaking.
I heard what my father didn’t say, what my mom fought to swallow. Ryiah, how could you?
I didn’t have a reply. There was nothing I could say to repent the pain I had brought them both.
Chapter Nineteen
I returned to the palace and my days were written in red.
I saw Derrick’s face around every corner; every young man in the crimson soldier’s tunic was his ghost. Every stain against the cold marble was a pool of his scarlet blood.
I looked into Darren’s eyes. Dark garnet was the color of my soul, and the Shadow God was counting down my days.
I was a filthy traitor. To the boy I loved because every word from my mouth was a lie. To my little brother who had died because I was too much a coward to speak the truth. To my twin because I had to be the one to break his heart, and then send him on his way. To my parents, because I was supposed to look out for my little brother, and I had failed. To my best friend whose husband was now joining the wrong cause, all because I had told the truth when a lie would have been warranted instead.
I was a traitor to everyone I loved. And I had only myself to blame.
I wasn’t sure how a person like me could sleep. The shadows that consumed my thoughts, I should have been writhing in terror each night. But the pain was helping. It kept me from the grief. It kept me from breaking one final time; it kept me strong.
I went about my duties in a haze.
A couple more weeks passed, and they assumed I was in mourning. It was understood the sister of a traitor might be experiencing a bit of despair. But I wasn’t depressed; I wasn’t crying myself to sleep… I was numb.
The flames of the castle’s sconces danced for me as I passed. They taunted and beckoned, telling me they knew all my lies. That they knew my heart was really black.
I should have turned in the rebels. If not for Derrick, then Alex now. I should have gone to Blayne. I should have confessed everything and begged for Alex’s amnesty and condemned myself to the cells. I should have saved the lives of thousands by turning my brother and the rebels in.
But I was a coward. Too afraid of what it would mean if the king decided my second brother was an even greater traitor than the first. Too afraid to take another brother’s life. Too afraid of his blood on my hands, so I sacrificed the others.
I was bound for the pit of darkness in the Shadow God’s realm. It was only a matter of time.
When the king announced that King Joren had agreed to our terms, that he would fulfill his end of the New Alliance, I felt not a moment of relief. The crowds rose up in Devon’s square, but my eyes were glued to the rafters.
Darren had finally convinced Blayne to take down Derrick and the other rebels’ bodies. They’d been burned the previous night. Then. Then I had felt something.
“Pythus has promised us forty warships. They set sail in two months.” Blayne’s words echoed across the crowd and everywhere, screams and cheers, frenzied cries of justice. The clamor of fools. Didn’t they know they were calling for blood?
“Our Caltothian enemies will feel what it is to suffer. They will feel Jerar’s wrath.” The king’s eyes sparkled as he raised his fist in the air, his Black Mage at his side. “As your king, I promised you peace. And peace you shall have. Emperor Liang has renewed his treaty as well. A fortnight from today, my dearest brother will be marrying his betrothed. The two most formidable warrior mages our kingdom has ever seen, prince and princess of our realm. The Crown has never been more powerful.”
Darren’s eyes fell to mine, and I looked away. I didn’t wait for his face to fall. A tempest of emotions were threatening to burst. I needed to keep them inside.
When the proclamations were done I was first to exit the square.
****
He found me. Three knocks at the door in which I feigned silence. I wanted him to go away. I wanted to be alone, but Paige let him in anyway.
I heard her turn the key in its lock, an odd gravelly sound that scratched at my ears.
My room was a den of shadow. I didn’t want any light. And he didn’t try.
Darren pulled up beside me on the bed.
“I wish it didn’t have to be like this,” he said.