I finally gather enough composure to push him away. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He gazes back with sad eyes.
I heave myself off the mattress and back away from the bed, gaining some much needed distance. My head grows clearer the farther away from Reed that I get. “We need to leave each other alone. We’re not good for each other.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know what it means.”
He stands and puts his hands on his hips. I avert my eyes from his naked body and perfect face. If he could turn ugly overnight, that would be so helpful.
“So you’re gonna be okay with me hooking up with someone else? Putting my mouth on some other girl. Having her hands all over me.”
I almost barf on the cream carpet. I force myself to breathe through my nose. And lie. “Yes.”
I feel the weight of his stare for what seems like forever. I want to leap after him and beg him to stay, but for my own self-preservation, I keep my head down and my feet firmly rooted.
“No, you won’t,” Reed says quietly. “You’re hurting and pushing me away, but I’m not giving up.”
He walks over to me, and I brace myself. But he only kisses me on the forehead and then leaves me alone in his room.
His last words hang in the air. I slump to the floor and draw my knees tight to my chest. I’m upset he didn’t try to press me. I know I would’ve given in. I’m upset that he’s still swearing to pursue me.
No, that’s not right. I’m upset at myself for feeling the warm glow over his declaration that no matter what I throw at him, he’s going to win me back.
21
I haul myself to my room and manage to fall asleep two hours before the alarm rings for us to get up and go to school. I stick a hand out from the covers and fumble for my phone. Hitting snooze, I peer over to the other side. Val’s half off the bed, one leg stuck out from under the comforter and one arm hanging over the edge of the mattress.
I shake her shoulder. “Time to get up, Sleeping Beauty.”
“No. Don’t wanna,” she mumbles.
“School starts in…” It takes my slow mind a minute to make the calculation “…an hour ten.”
“Wake me up in twenty then.”
I force myself out of bed, grab a bottle of water from my mini fridge, and duck into the bathroom. I blink a few times until the mirror version of me comes into focus.
There’s no evidence on my skin of Reed’s touch. There’s no mark on my neck where his mouth sucked. There’s no outward evidence of my weakness. I press a finger against my lower lip and pretend it’s Reed’s.
Val appears behind me, saving me from my own idiotic imagination. The bruise over her eye is ugly.
“I know you told Reed last night that you got into a fight, but if someone hurt you, I’m going to kill them.” I’m not even joking.
“Then you’ll need to start with me because this,” she points to her forehead, “is the result of me headbashing Tam’s ex.”
I wince. “Maybe use a beer bottle next time? Or better yet, take me with you.” I meet her eyes in the mirror. “You never mentioned a rave at school. Why didn’t you ask me to go? I would’ve backed you up.”
“I didn’t know about the party until late last night. I got a text from a girl who goes to Jefferson—that’s where Tam went to school—and she said she swore she saw him. I didn’t even stop to think about what I was doing. I got dressed, caught a ride with Jordan who was on her way to Gastonburg’s house, and the next thing I know I’m in some stupid catfight with a stranger over Tam.”
“I thought you said it was an ex, not a stranger. Was she from his college?”
Val looks like she was punched in the gut. “No. I think he’s been cheating on me for years. That’s why I called her his ex.”
“Oh no.” I place my arm around her, and she curls into my chest.
“I’m so stupid.”
You’re not the only one.
I clear my throat. “I kissed Reed last night.”
“Really?” Her voice is almost hopeful.
“Yeah. He’s been sleeping outside my room. That’s creepy, right?”
Val pulls back so I can see her wide eyes. “Super creepy,” she agrees, but she doesn’t sound convincing.
I sag against the counter. “No, I don’t think it’s creepy, either. I should, but instead I think it’s weirdly…sweet that he’s so intent on making sure I don’t run off again that he’s literally sleeping on the floor outside my door.” I rub my forehead, embarrassed by my own weakness.
“He beat up Skip Henley for you yesterday.”
I blink in surprise. “What?”
Val shifts, looking embarrassed. “I didn’t say anything because I know you don’t like talking about Reed, but…yeah. He punched Skippy in the middle of the dining room for harassing you in speech class.”