AFTER A brief stop by Leo’s apartment to drop off the bike and pick up his car, we headed over to Emma and Caleb’s house. Much to my dismay, their little boy, Collin, was sound asleep when we got there. I did, however, sneak in and give him a kiss even though Emma threatened me with my life if I woke him up. Thankfully, the little guy didn’t move a muscle.
There didn’t seem to be any lingering awkwardness between Leo, Caleb, and Emma. But I could definitely feel them exchanging quite a few knowing glances as we left. The box of Manda’s belongings was a lot bigger than I’d expected. I had no idea that Caleb still had this much of her stuff. I feel like a kid in a candy shop tonight.
There was a day not too long ago where I couldn’t have imagined smiling while reminiscing about Manda. Back then, I was struggling with handling all the guilt. Her death still hurts, and I don’t think you can ever really let go of someone you loved when they die so suddenly and way too soon. However, I’m in a good place right now, so this is a treat, not a punishment like it would have been a few years ago. The truth is that, if Caleb had given me Manda's necklace at any other time, it would have killed me. But as I ride back to Leo’s apartment with his hand wrapped tight around mine, the gold around my neck doesn’t burn.
"Come on. I’ll carry it up," Leo says, taking the box from my hands.
"Thanks," I respond as he drags a keycard over the sensor to unlock his private entrance to the stairs.
"Here. Put this in your purse. Now I won’t have to let you up every time you come over." He hands me the card.
"Are we exchanging house keys?" I squeal sarcastically.
"Uh, no," he responds with a lopsided grin. "It’s a keycard so you can park down here when you come visit. It’s safer than parking on the street."
"Is that why you always pick me up instead of just letting me drive over here?"
"Yep. And now, you can park and make it all the way up to my door. I’m not giving you an apartment key until I’m absolutely certain you won’t randomly sneak into my bed naked at night. Wait, change of plans. I’ll get you a key made tomorrow." He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.
"No, don’t do that. I’m not sure I want you to have one of my keys. What if you come over on a nonscheduled night and catch me with my other boyfriend?"
He narrows his eyes at me. "A nonscheduled night, huh?" He nods. "All right. Looks like I’m going to be dropping by your place unannounced randomly this week."
"Oh, the torture! How will I ever manage knowing you could just show up at any time?"
"I find out you got another man, Sarah, and I’m going to end up in jail for killing him. You aren’t the only one who doesn’t share well," he says as we ride the elevator up to his apartment. It’s a short trip since he only lives on the third floor.
"Oh, shut up. You know I was kidding."
"I know, ángel." His arms are preoccupied with holding the box, but that doesn’t stop him from leaning down and smacking his lips, asking for a kiss—one I’m more than willing to give.
"So we’re really going to Puerto Rico next weekend?" I ask as we walk to his door.
"Absolutely. I got a room right on the beach in San Juan. It’s going to be amazing. I haven’t been on vacation in at least five years. I should be thanking you for having a birthday and giving me an excuse to take my girl somewhere relaxing."
"Thank you, Leo. Tonight…" I trail off when words fail me.
The truth is that I don’t actually have the words at all. This night was more than I could have ever even hoped for. However, I know, the moment we walk through that door, it’s time to come clean. I need to tell Leo about the wreck. I need to tell him about Manda, Casey, and even Brett. One baby step at a time though.
I’m not going into details about after the accident tonight. I’m just not there yet. I should absolutely tell him, without question, but that would mean risking him. I can’t take that chance. I can’t gamble with Leo. Waiting will make it worse—I’m well aware of this. But I’m just not ready to let him go. Then again, I have a feeling I’ll never be ready for that.
"Where do you want me to put this?" he asks when we walk inside.
"Do you have carpet anywhere?" Leo’s floors are all beautiful hardwood, but right now, I want to take my shoes off, put on some pajamas, sit on the floor, and introduce Leo James to Manda Baker.
"The rec room is carpeted," he answers with a confused tilt of his head.
"In there then." I smile as butterflies take up occupancy in my stomach.
The nerves sneak up on me from out of nowhere. It must show, because Leo puts the box down on the couch and folds me into a hug. It’s a good one too. I swear his hugs could be the solution to world peace.
"You don’t have to do this tonight," he whispers.
"No. I want to," I respond, nuzzling up against his scruff. "I want to get comfortable. Can I wear one of your T-shirts? I like the way they smell."
Suddenly, he releases me and steps away. He pulls the fitted, black T-shirt off his back and hands it to me. I begin laughing and he smiles.