“Nazira, I—”
She put one hand over his mouth. “Please do not apologize. I know you. You have probably carried nothing but guilt all these months, tearing yourself apart. But you did it. You got us out safely. We survived, which means we are alive to heal and grow.”
Radu sighed, hanging his head and shifting her hand so it rested on his cheek. “The whole time we were in Constantinople together, that was my only prayer. That whatever else happened, you would be safe.”
“God is good,” Nazira said, smiling.
Radu had not looked for anyone else but Nazira. Now, however, with his heart filled to bursting at the sight of her healthy and well and alive, he had room to wonder. “Valentin and Cyprian, did they—”
“They are not here. But they are alive, too.”
A shudder passed through Radu. The release of the guilt and terror was a physical sensation, and he felt close to collapse. Nazira took his hand, as unwilling to let go of him as he was of her, and led him to a jumble of stones near the water where they could sit. They had last been here together watching Mehmed’s armada. Back when Radu thought he knew what the future held, when Constantinople was simply a goal. Not a blood-soaked reality.
Touching his turban, Nazira searched his face. “It is good to see you back in this. It is good to leave behind pretending.” She looked down at her own clothes. “Sometimes when I dream, I am still wearing the styles of Constantinople. When I wake up, I cannot breathe.”
She shook her head as though waking. “How is Fatima?”
Radu put an arm around her, drawing her close. He did not think he would ever let her go again. Except to give her to Fatima. “She is well,” he said, gently. “I sent word to her that I was bringing you back, but I did not have time to go and get her.”
Nazira wiped beneath her eyes. “I have missed her so much. But I knew that you would take care of her. It has made the missing bearable. It was simply sadness, not sadness and fear.”
“She never lost hope. She is made from it, I think.”
Nazira laughed and nodded, her head bobbing against Radu’s shoulder. “She is. She is my light that never goes out. And you are the glass that protects our flame.” Nazira kissed him on the cheek. “I have been in Bursa for three days. I waited here at the docks for each of them, knowing you would come. When Mara Brankovic’s man arrived to bring me here, I parted ways with Cyprian and Valentin. I do not know where they are now. I was sorry to leave them. They have become family.”
Radu knew they should go find horses to return to Fatima as fast as possible, but he was still unsteady and needed a few minutes for his body to accept the truth of Nazira’s safety. “Tell me everything that happened since you left. Please.”
“First, tell me: Did you save them? Constantine’s nephews?”
Radu nodded, gazing at the cloud-strewn sky above. He had left Nazira with Cyprian to go back into the city and save the two boys. It had been a gamble for all of them. Radu risked his life for what could have been a futile mission, and he risked Nazira’s by trusting Cyprian with her care even after Radu had revealed their treachery. But that had never felt like a risk. He had known then as he did now that Cyprian would never do anything to hurt them.
It was perhaps more than they deserved, and it made missing Cyprian hurt all the more. “I did. And they were spared the greater part of the carnage and terror. They are part of Mehmed’s court now, renamed Murad and Mesih. They are happy.”
Nazira squeezed his hand. She did not ask for details, and he would not offer them. She had seen enough during their flight to know better than to want more images from that nightmare. “I would say you did the right thing, but I think under those circumstances ‘right’ ceased to exist. You did a good thing, though. How is the city?”
“Flourishing. As we knew it would under Mehmed’s careful care.”
“And how is the sultan?”
Radu gently nudged her. “You do not have to speak as though you are a surgeon exploring a wound. I have had no one to talk to, no one who knows everything I am. Please let us drop all pretenses.”
Nazira nudged him back with her elbow. “Very well. How has it been, being reunited with him?”
“Do you remember when you told me being as great as he is makes him both more and less than a man? I have thought of that often. He is so isolated, by necessity. He refuses to fall into the same errors his father did. And he depends on me, and loves me even, in his own way. But this—what I have with you—has fed me more in the past few minutes than months at Mehmed’s side have.”
“I am sorry, then.”
“To be right?”
Nazira laughed. “It is a heavy burden, always being right. But some of us must bear it.”
“I am grateful you bear it for me, as I am not qualified to carry it myself.” Radu stood, holding out his hand. “Now come. We will get horses and supplies. And you still have told me nothing of what has transpired since I left you at the Golden Horn.”
“Brace yourself,” Nazira said. “It is a very good story. At least now that I know I have a happy ending, it is.”
They navigated the windy streets of Bursa, purchasing what they needed. Having the purse of the sultan helped speed the process remarkably. Nazira told her tale between their errands.
“We swam out to one of the abandoned small galleys. Cyprian was able to turn the sails to catch the wind, and we slipped out unnoticed amid the chaos. We decided to head for Cyprus. Cyprian wanted to dock earlier, but I refused. I was afraid that if we were caught by Ottoman forces, Cyprian would be killed. I knew you would want us to go farther rather than risk his life.”
Radu nodded, stroking the horse he had chosen as they waited for saddles and packs.
Nazira continued. “Our second day on the boat, things took a turn for the worse. We had no supplies, and in our exhausted state, we all fell asleep at the same time. A storm awakened us, and before we could direct the boat to shore, we capsized.
“Cyprian was hit hard. He went under. In the tempest I could not find him or Valentin. Then I saw the boy, clinging to the mast, his arms around Cyprian. Between the two of us, we managed to hang on long enough to drift to an island shore. But Valentin’s leg had been badly broken, and I could not tell the extent of Cyprian’s injuries.”
Even knowing all three had survived, Radu found himself holding his breath.
“I dragged Cyprian onto dry ground, and then went back to help Valentin. We waited out the storm under the shelter of some trees. When it finally passed, with Cyprian still unconscious, I ventured out to find help.
“There was none. No one. We managed to land on the loneliest island in all of Europe, I think.” She laughed lightly, but Radu knew it cost her to pretend it had not been terrifying. As they strapped the packs onto the horses, Nazira filled in details. The next few months she had taken care of Cyprian—he had wounded not only his head but also an ankle and a shoulder—and Valentin, while struggling to provide enough food and also cobble together a boat from the remnants of their old one.
“You never cease to astonish me,” Radu said, halfway through buckling his pack. He could not take his eyes from Nazira. She blushed, smiling coyly.