Fuck.
I fish my Zippo from my pocket and light her cig.
“A Zippo? Where’d you get that?” she asks.
“My papa sells them in his shop,” I reply. I kinda stole it, but I don’t tell her that. I don’t wanna sound like a delinquent.
“Nice,” she says, grinning. “My brothers would probably kill for something like that.”
I wonder if she’s serious. It wouldn’t surprise me if they end up becoming murderers. Not that I’d ever say that out loud in front of her.
She takes a good long drag without coughing.
“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” I say, impressed.
“Couple of times,” she replies. “You smoke regularly?”
“On and off.” I shrug and put the pack of cigs and lighter back in my pocket. “Whenever I feel like it, basically.”
She takes another drag. “Same for me, but mostly when my brothers are being dicks.”
“You must smoke every day then.”
She laughs out loud. “I’m surprised I don’t, to be honest.”
“Because you know what’s good for you,” I say, which makes her face light up.
I’m normally not the type to easily dish out compliments like that, but I know she appreciates it.
“Do you think sitting up here in the dark, smoking a cig with the school outcast is ‘good for me’?” she taunts, making quotation marks with her fingers. I’m sure she heard the term from Derek. Now I know what he calls me when I’m not around.
“Maybe not, but maybe you like going off the path a bit,” I say, and we both snort again.
It’s quiet for some time before I can’t stop myself from asking the one question that I’ve wanted to ask for ages. “So what happened to Derek?”
“Well, you were there, so you know …” she says. “He was acting like a total douche again, so I finally kicked his ass to the curb.”
I laugh, but she scrunches up her face at me.
“What’s so funny about that?”
“Nothing. I’m just amazed it took you so long.”
She shoves me so hard I have to push back against the tiles so I don’t fall.
“Damn, you’re strong.”
“Damn right I am,” she says, blowing out the smoke of another drag. “And I don’t need any more boys toying with me.”
“I won’t. I promise.” I hold up my hands in defeat.
She pushes out the bud of her cigarette against the tiles of the roof. “Good, because I really like you, Brandon.”
I stare in disbelief.
Did she really just say that, or am I imagining things?
The awkward smile that follows has my head spinning. She turns away, embarrassed. “Sorry, I don’t kn—”
Before she can finish her sentence, I grab her face with both hands and press my lips onto hers.
She tastes like smoked sweet corn and honey. Of everything I could imagine and more. And she smells divine, like cotton candy mixed with roses. And I want to keep kissing her all night long.
I’ve never felt this way, this … excited.
I’ve wanted to kiss her for so long; I couldn’t stop myself.
And I still can’t stop myself from inching closer, from letting my hands drift down her neck, from pushing up against her.
I feel like an animal.
“Wait,” she says, nudging me away with one hand.
I’m still merely inches away from her beautiful lips, wanting to ravage her right here on the rooftop of my house. But judging from the look in her eyes, I overdid it. Too quick, too soon.
“Sorry,” I say, leaning back and clearing my throat.
My whole face is probably red by now. I’m an embarrassment to myself. My dad was right … I’m letting my teenage hormones take over.
She readjusts her jacket, and we sit in silence, both staring into the distance. I wonder what she’s thinking. If she’s contemplating whether to slap me or run away after what I just did.
For a brief second, I glance her way, only to find her staring right back at me.
Taken by surprise, I look away again.
I don’t know what to do or say, and I feel like an idiot because of it.
Whoever said being a teen is easy was lying. Nothing about this is easy.
I’ve never had the courage to approach her, especially with Derek breathing down her neck. But right now, all I can think about is how I want her to be mine. In this lonely town, she makes me feel alive. Like I’m accepted.
“I like you too,” I say after a while.
For some reason, that makes her laugh. She buries her face in her hands and shakes her head, then says, “You think?”
“Was it that obvious?” I reply casually even though my heart is racing.
“What the fuck …?” someone down below mutters.
Suddenly, a stone flies by my head.
“Hey, asshole! The fuck you doing with my girl?”
We peek over the edge. Derek’s peering up from down below with his fists on his hips and a murderous look on his face.
He picks up another rock and chucks it at me again. I barely manage to dodge it.
“What the fuck, Derek?” Dixie yells. “Did you follow me?”
“What the fuck are you doing here with him?” he yells back at her, not even answering her question. I’m pretty sure he did follow her. Why else would he know where to find her at this hour?
“I could ask you the same thing, asshole,” she hisses. “You’re a fucking stalker.”
“I’m just trying to protect my girl. That’s all,” he says.
She folds her arms around her knees. “I’m not your girl, and I don’t need protection.”
“Since when?” he hollers.
“Since I broke up with you!” she screams. “Stop acting like a douchebag and leave us alone.”
“I thought I told you to stay away from her,” he barks at me, completely ignoring her.
“She can do whatever she wants,” I say, glancing at her across my shoulder. “She seems to like it up here.”
“Don’t make me come up there and get you,” he says, giving her the stink eye.
“Don’t you fucking try,” she says. “I’ll fucking kick you off the ladder myself.”
I’m surprised by all the hatred she’s carrying. It reminds me of myself.
Maybe that’s why I’m so attracted to her. At least she knows what it feels like to be held back all the time and not taken seriously.