“I have the utmost confidence in her ability.” He certainly wouldn’t be leaving her here if that weren’t the case.
“Good.” The doctor eased back and crossed one leg over his knee. “So, we’ve time to kill. You can speak freely if you wish. Certainly anything you say will remain between us.”
“Saria’s my life.” The words shot from his mouth before he could register them. “I mean, she’s important to me. I can’t have any harm coming to her.”
“I’ll look after her. You have my word on that.”
“This past year, we’ve gotten close.” He’d bottled things up for so long, that his thoughts had nowhere to go but out.
“She mentioned that, and although no details were discussed, she did say you’d had a difficult childhood.”
“More like a nonexistent one. My father was the worst kind of criminal, and my mother an innocent. I was the result. All I can say is the past is the past.”
“Yes, unless of course our past affects our future.” His focused gaze became more intent. “If you don’t mind me asking, where do you see yourself in say five years, or even ten?”
“I’ll still be doing what I love. Protecting others.”
“An admirable job, and what about Saria? Where do you see her in that same length of time?”
“With a man who can give her what she needs and children running around her feet.” His heart wrenched at the thought, that she’d accept another man into her life.
“For that to happen, you’d have to let her go. Is that something you want to do?”
“No.” He couldn’t break all ties with her. The only light in his life would be gone, forever.
“What are you thinking right now?” The doctor edged forward with a squeak of his chair’s wheels. “Open up, Ben. Give yourself the freedom to speak and know someone wishes to listen and understand. Like you, all I desire is to help others.”
“I have nothing to offer her. I don’t want a family.”
“Is there a particular reason why not?”
“All my life, I’ve lived with the stigma of how I came into this world. My birth should never have been, and wouldn’t have except for one man deciding he could take it all. I won’t follow in his path. His line ends with me.”
“So, you’re punishing yourself for your father’s misdeeds?”
“Not punishing, ensuring order is restored, and no else can do that but me.”
“I see, but there appears to be one flaw in your argument.” The doctor slowly breathed out. “In the process of ensuring this order, what if you’re also punishing Saria, the woman you’ve chosen to protect?”
“I’m not. I’m giving her the freedom she deserves.”
“Is that how she sees it too?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Then I hope you’ll consider asking her.” He walked around his desk, foraged in a drawer and returned with a card. “For you. These are my contact details, and should you ever need anything, for any reason, then call me. The safety and wellbeing of every patient who walks through my door is my responsibility.”
“You’re good, Doc, very good. You should be a shrink.” He pocketed it, stood and extended his hand. “Thanks for the conversation.”
“You’re welcome, and anytime.”
He left the doctor, closed the door then perched on the corner of Saria’s new desk.
Reading papers in a folder, she stood before a three-drawer metal filing cabinet, her studious frown so endearing.
“Do you think I’m punishing you, Saria?”
“Punishing me for what?” She slid the folder away and closed the drawer.
“For saying no to a relationship with you.”
“We both agreed there’d be no commitment and I can handle that, but do you think you’re punishing me?” She walked toward him, wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. “Or is it more important for you to right the wrongs of your past, which I might add, were never your fault in the first place.”
“Clearly you and the doctor have an understanding. You speak the same language.”
“No, I only have an understanding with you, and yes, I’d like more, but I’d never ask you for it. Not when I know you’d turn me down.”
“Is that how you truly feel?”
“Yes, but I’m not condemning you for that decision.” She breathed warm air against his neck as she popped a kiss there. “I’m just stating the facts. After my sister gets married, you’re leaving. You’ve made your position very clear.”
“So where do we go from here?”
“You hold all the cards, so we go nowhere.” She stepped back, picked up her purse, and strode out of the room.
“Hey, where are you going? We haven’t finished talking.”
“To check out my new room. Dr. Hika gave me the key code.”
He followed her. Inspecting where she’d soon be living was high on his list of priorities. He needed to ensure the area was completely secure.