She snuck into the bathroom, combed her hair and brushed her teeth as Ben edged in behind her, collected his toiletries from the vanity drawer then returned to the bedroom. She trailed him, then propped one hip against the bathroom doorjamb. She’d hate not being able to see him first thing in the morning like this after sleeping beside him for two long months. Even now, every inch of her ached to go to him. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll only be down the passageway.” With a determined hand, he shoved the rest of his belongings into his duffel and slung it over his shoulder. Gaze on hers, he drummed his fingers on his leg. “Do you have your cell phone?”
“Yes, but it’ll be flat by now.” It still sat on the coffee table in front of the couch where she’d last left it. She picked it up and popped it onto the charger. “Lydia will have hers.”
“You have to call. Every two hours, okay?” He dragged her to him, tucked her head under his chin and held her. A long goodbye hug, and not nearly what she wanted. Gently, he pulled away. “Travel safely.”
“Sure. Enjoy Brigs’s spare bunk.”
“I will,” he grumbled and shut the door behind him.
Gone. Her heart heaved. The one man she wanted was the only one she could never have.
Ben tossed his bag onto the top bed in Brigs’s cabin. It was a small, efficient space with two bunks bolted to a blue painted wall. White furnishings and a built-in set of drawers completed the room. “You there, Brigs?”
“Yo.” Brushing his teeth, he opened the bathroom door. “Did you get tossed out of Saria’s room already?”
“No, I bailed.” He squeezed past Brigs and slid his toiletries into the second drawer. The compact area included a shower cubicle, toilet and vanity, all in basic white. No frills like Saria’s stateroom, but he didn’t need any. “I’m ready to haul in a prize catch.”
“Are you talking about a fish or some other kind of catch?”
“A damn fish.” He stalked back into the cabin and plunked into the corner wicker chair.
“What’s put you in such a foul mood?” Wiping his face with a washcloth, Brigs followed him. “You wanna talk about it?”
“No. Yes. I opened up to Saria last night.” He slumped forward, elbows on his knees. “About my childhood.”
“You? Opened up? I don’t believe it.” Brigs let out a low whistle. “You know you can always talk to me too. I have sisters. I’m used to the whole ‘gotta talk things out stuff’ that chicks dig.”
“I’m not a chick.” Still, Brigs and Tyler were his right hand men. The three of them had been together for more years and untold scrapes than he could count. Saria hadn’t condemned him for the details surrounding his unfortunate birth, and maybe both his best mates wouldn’t either. “My father was one of the dirtiest scumbags on the planet.” The words tumbled from him. No holding back now. “At forty-five, he got out of jail after serving time for one count of rape, only to turn around two days later and rape two eighteen-year-old women. One was to be my mother.”
“Serious?” He blew out a long breath. “I’m so sorry.”
“He was convicted and imprisoned again. Then not long before I left the foster system, I received word he’d died.”
“What about your mother? Is she still alive?”
“She gave me up and never looked back. I had her searched though and sometimes check in on what she’s up to. She has a husband and a couple of teenagers. They seem to be doing all right, all four of them.”
“So you’ve never made contact?”
“No, and I never will. A nice woman like that doesn’t need her past coming back to haunt her.”
“That explains a lot, why you’re as dedicated to protecting others as you are. You had no one to protect you as a kid.”
“What?” He’d never let Brigs get away with glorifying his job like that. “So, you’re not fazed by my past at all?”
“No, but you clearly are. You’ve got to let it go, Ben.”
“Telling you is a step in the right direction.” Saria was right, and telling Brigs had helped. Except now he needed to tell Tyler the truth.
He scrubbed his face then groaned as overhead, the whop-whop of the chopper’s blades buzzed then faded out toward sea. That aircraft held the one person he wanted to keep at his side, and every instinct urged him to fight for her, to get her back and plead for her to give him some time to work through his issues. If only life really worked that way. Sure, she’d accepted his past, but that didn’t change the fact his future was set in stone. No commitment. No relationships. He was a loner, and always would be.
“She’d be good for you.” Brigs opened the door and jerked his head toward the passageway. “If you let Saria get away, I’m certain you’ll come to regret it.”
“She might be good for me, but I’ve got too much baggage for it to ever work.” He stomped past Brigs and down the corridor.
“Nothing she couldn’t handle though. She’s a tough cookie.”
“Give it up, Brigs.” He jogged upstairs and onto the deck. “We’ve a job to do. Best we both focus on that.”
“Are you calling me a job?” Tyler, leaning against the stern rail, eyed them as they approached.
“Never.” Ben clapped him on the back. “It’s distraction time. Show me the fish.”
Chapter 6