Impressively, aside from being the final resting place for the great poet Lord Byron, Hucknall was a convenient place for shopping. Once a thriving market town, it was much smaller than Nottingham city and I preferred the shops and layout to what I’d seen so far of Bulwell. A morning trip would be ideal to combine keeping Evie entertained and getting some errands done.
I parked up on the usual side street near work and walked into town, hand in hand with Evie. I felt so proud of my daughter, full of questions and energy, bright and eloquent in her conversation. This was Evie as she used to be, back at home. Happier, vibrant. And it was no coincidence that this happier, more vibrant Evie had appeared at the weekend, when there would be no school.
We dawdled a little as we made our way down the bustling High Street, a chilly breeze occasionally brushing our cheeks but leaving no lasting discomfort. If anything, it reminded me of the fact that Christmas was looming on the horizon, and in turn, as it always did, the fact that Andrew and Christmas family time no longer existed for us.
For the first time in a very long time, I wondered if I could make Christmas a more jolly occasion for me and Evie. A little spare money and this fresh start might just swing it in our favour, making the best of and showing gratitude for what we still had, rather than what we’d lost.
We walked past shops, several with Halloween displays in the windows, even though it was still a few weeks away. Evie spotted a witch’s outfit she loved in the window of a quality greeting card shop.
I made a mental note to buy it, once I got my first wage from Gregory’s. It would be far more expensive than my original plan of hitting Poundworld for all the witchy components, but hell, this was why I’d taken the job in the first place.
It wasn’t until the shop front of Gregory’s came into view that it occurred to me that if Bryony was in the office, she might well take umbrage at me popping in with Evie. The last time I’d seen her she’d swept by me, issuing what sounded very much like threats but what I hoped was just temper.
Still, my stomach twisted when I thought about it and I felt glad I hadn’t had any breakfast before we left the house. I opened the door to the shop and walked into the stuff of nightmares. Everyone – Dale, Bryony and Jo – was there. Their heads swivelled to the door as we stepped inside.
‘We just popped in to say hello,’ I said lightly, leaving the door ajar behind me so Bryony would see I wasn’t staying to chat. ‘I don’t want to disturb you.’
Bryony looked startled and her eyes immediately focused on Evie. She rushed over.
‘Hello, Evie, I’m Bryony.’ She held out her hand and I was proud that Evie shook it confidently. ‘I’ve seen your picture on your mummy’s desk but you’re even prettier in real life.’
Evie glanced at the framed photograph on my desk and her face broke into a wide grin. She was a sucker for compliments.
My mouth fell open. Bryony was the closest thing I’d ever seen to a person with a split personality. The fire-breathing dragon was gone and in her place was this sweet, good-natured woman who had instantly put Evie at ease.
‘Hello, Evie.’ Dale smiled. ‘Have you come in to help us sell some houses today?’
Evie shook her head solemnly. ‘Just to say hello to Mummy’s work friends.’
‘Ahh, I see,’ Dale said, winking at me. I noticed he looked far more casual than I’d seen him before, wearing black jeans and a striped polo shirt. He mustn’t be taking any clients on viewings today, although I felt sure we had some booked in.
‘Shall I make a drink?’ Jo stood up from her desk and walked across to us. I felt bad, like we’d been ignoring her. ‘Evie, I’m Jo. Would you like some orange squash and maybe a biscuit?’
Evie looked at me and I nodded.
‘Yes, please,’ she said.
Jo held out her hand. ‘Come and have a look then and you can choose which sort you’d like.’
To my surprise, Evie took Jo’s hand and disappeared through the back without displaying an ounce of clinginess.
‘Toni, she’s adorable,’ Bryony gushed. ‘I don’t know how you manage to come to work, I’d want to be with her constantly.’
‘Well, she’s at school now,’ I said, wondering if she was having a dig. ‘So it fits in really well with the job.’
‘I wouldn’t let her out of my sight,’ Bryony said dramatically. ‘Little angel, she is. I could eat her!’
Five minutes later, Evie walked back into the room, gingerly carrying a plate full of assorted biscuits.
‘You’re doing a marvellous job there, Evie,’ Bryony praised her.
‘Mummy, Jo took some photos of me in the kitchen.’
‘Oh, you spoilsport.’ Jo grinned, carrying in a tray of drinks. ‘It was supposed to be a surprise, remember?’
I frowned, not sure what she meant.
‘We were going to surprise you with a screensaver of Evie on your computer for Monday.’ Jo rolled her eyes. ‘But now Evie’s gone and spilled the beans.’
‘Ooh, can I have an Evie screensaver?’ Bryony beamed.
I smiled and nudged Evie but she didn’t smile back.
I hoped one of her tantrums wasn’t looming. She didn’t appear to need a good reason lately.
41
Three Years Earlier
Toni
Sunday morning at ten, Mum called round to take Evie to the park as planned.
‘Do you want to come in for a cuppa?’ I asked her as she told Evie to get her coat from the front door step.
It wasn’t much of an invite, I admit.
‘No, I’ll get straight off, I think,’ she said, in the wounded tone she liked to use when I’d done something wrong but she didn’t want to discuss it.
‘What’s the matter?’ I said, unwilling to let it go. ‘I can’t say a thing lately without you getting the hump.’
She gave me a rueful smile and shook her head.
‘You know, Toni, I’d like to live in your world. Where nothing you ever do is wrong and you very conveniently forget about the needs of others.’
I didn’t have a clue what she was getting at.
‘Anyway, it’s not me I’m worried about.’ She scowled and discreetly tipped her head towards Evie.
‘She’s fine,’ I sighed. ‘Or she will be, if you’d stop trying to give her a complex.’
‘She’s retreating into a shell.’ Mum’s face darkened. ‘She’s nervy and uncharacteristically quiet, Toni. Surely you can see that?’
It felt like something had loosened inside of me, something that wanted to shut Mum up.
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ I snapped. ‘There’s nothing wrong with her. Lots of kids have a problem adjusting to a new school.’
‘I’m not just talking about school,’ Mum said quietly. ‘She’s not sleeping properly, she’s losing weight. Look at her.’
Evie shrugged on her light jacket and beamed up at me. ‘Bye, Mummy,’ she sang. ‘See you later.’
There didn’t look much wrong with her to me.
‘Fine,’ I said. ‘We can talk about this later.’
But I had no intention of doing so.
I bent to kiss the top of Evie’s head. ‘See you soon, poppet. Have fun.’
Mum took her hand and I moved to close the door behind them.
‘You might want to clear that mess up while we’re out,’ she said, nodding towards the corner. I followed her line of sight but the chair was in the way of whatever she was looking at. ‘I’ll bring her back after she’s had her tea.’
And with that, they were gone.
I clicked the front door closed, leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. Peace at last. A few hours where I had no responsibilities, expectations or a paranoid mother to contend with. There were a thousand and one jobs that needed doing in the house but I pushed all thoughts of hard work out of my head.
First job was coffee. The next a long, hot bath with the book I’d been picking up and putting down for the last two weeks.
I walked into the kitchen and filled the kettle. A tap on the window made me look and my heart sank when I saw it was Sal from next door. I cursed my bad luck at being in full view in the kitchen. I would have happily hidden behind the door until she went away again.