“Why would we lose that?” The confusion was clear on his face.
I sighed; why did men have to be so clueless? “So we have sex tonight. What happens tomorrow? Will it be awkward between us or do you think we can just go back to being what we were before tonight?”
“Fuck. Why do chicks have to fucking over analyse shit? Why can’t we just have tonight and go from there?”
He got off his bike and walked towards me but I took a step back. He’d annoyed me now with his attitude towards this. When I stepped back, he stopped and shook his head. “So that’s it? You’ve changed your mind?”
“Well, I had hoped that we could discuss it a little more but you don’t seem to want to do that.”
“Babe, I seriously just want to get you inside and get your fucking clothes off. As far as I’m concerned that’s all the discussion that we need to make this happen.”
“Yeah, well I think that you and I are talking about two different things now, J. You seem to just want a quick fuck and I’m more interested to know what happens beyond that quick fuck.” Disappointment settled in; I’d thought he wanted more but it looked like I was wrong. This was why you didn’t contemplate having sex with your male friends.
His phone rang and he scowled. Answering it, he barked, “I’m in the middle of something. What’s up?” His eyes did not leave mine.
I stood waiting for him to finish his conversation; the intensity of his glare stirring up the butterflies in my stomach. That glare was a mixture of heat, desire, frustration, annoyance and so much more. I felt the exact same things that he was projecting. However, in that moment, my annoyance at his attitude outweighed my desire to be with him.
He ended his call and put his phone back in his pocket. “I’ve got to be at the clubhouse in an hour. Are we going to do this or not?”
Un-fucking-believable. “I can’t believe you just said that. No, we’re not doing this,” I snapped, and reached into my bag to get my phone out.
He stepped into my space and placed his hand over mine, stopping me. “I’m not sure what the fuck happened in your mind between the club and here, babe. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to fuck about so I’ll just take you home, but this is a conversation that needs to be finished at some point.”
I shook my head. “No, I’ll find my own way home, and this is not a conversation that needs to be revisited. You’ve made your intentions pretty clear.”
His nostrils flared and his breathing grew ragged. “I’m taking you home, Madison.” He made his way back to his bike and tried to pass me the helmet. “Put this on and get on the bike.”
My eyes widened. I wasn’t used to J talking to me like this. Ignoring him, I scrolled through my phone looking for the phone number of my only friend who hadn’t been out drinking with me tonight; hopefully she’d be able to come and pick me up. I finally found her number and hit dial, returning the glare that J was sending my way. She finally answered her call and agreed to come and get me.
J folded his arms across his chest and planted his feet wide. He was angry now and didn’t hold back. “Why the fuck couldn’t you just let me take you home?”
“Because you’re being a prick and I don’t want to be anywhere near you,” I threw back.
“So now I’ve got to wait here until your friend arrives. Would have been a lot easier to do it my way.”
“No-one’s asking you to stay!”
“Jesus, Madison. As if I’d fucking leave you alone at this time of the night.”
I was exasperated. On the one hand, I wanted to punch him, but on the other hand I wanted to rip his clothes off and screw him.
The next ten minutes were ten of the longest minutes in my life. We didn’t speak while we waited for Sally to come and get me. Instead, J paced and threw me a foul look every now and then. I sank further into my disappointment. When she pulled up, I quickly got in her car without a backwards glance at J. I could feel his angry eyes on me though. I must have been out of my mind to think that he and I could take our friendship further.
***
I woke up on my birthday and felt like shit. Not only did I have a headache from the slight hangover I had, but I felt ill over what had happened with J last night. Luckily I hadn’t planned anything special; it meant that I could pretty much just keep to myself. And so it was that I spent most of the day at home, reading and eating junk food. I wallowed in my heartbreak, because it was true, I was heartbroken that not only did I screw up a chance at a relationship with J but I’d probably screwed up our friendship too.
He never called or came by but at three o’clock that afternoon, I heard the rumble of a bike outside. Figuring it was Scott, I ignored it, stuck my headphones in and went back to my book. I didn’t want to see anyone.