He say
I been running, I been hiding, I been looking for
something that I don’t know, but I know I looking for it
And I don’t know, but every Ku find it
but there is blood between me and the Ku
and I could never go back.
So he call the Gangatom
And the Gangatom chief say, Nobody ever wait so long,
I’ve been waiting all my life, Wolf Eye say.
And Wolf Eye pull his tunic and say,
Look at me, look where there is woman,
And when I cut it off I will be a man
and Mossi he catch a fright, for he think if this is what make him love him,
But Wolf Eye say, Everything between me and you,
eastern man, is not down there, but up here,
he say and point to his heart.
And the chief say,
What you asking for not old,
what you asking for new.
You is Ku
and you have no father.
In this way you enrage the gods.
Says the Wolf Eye:
The ceremony to become a man
is in praise of the gods, and so
how could any god be mad.
So Wolf Eye,
The Gangatom prick the cow and spill the blood
in a bowl
Wolf Eye drink one then two
he drink and wipe his mouth.
The next day come,
For him to jump the bulls.
They line them up, twenty strong
plus ten more for he take too late to be a man
You have to run on the backs of bulls and you cannot fall,
For if you fall, the gods laugh
So Wolf Eye,
He naked in oil and shea butter.
Then praise the gods, he run
bull back to bull back, one two three four
five six seven more.
And the people cheer and rejoice
The elder say all these moons you in the in-between place
and there is no shame,
but middle is nowhere.
But some of the elders, they say
he not coming from the enki paata.
He not been wandering for four moons
as a boy supposed to do before he become man
where on him be the mark that he kill the great lion?
And the chief, he say, Look on him
and you see the mark of him killing lion and everything else.
So the elders, they sit quiet, though some still grumble,
and the chief, he say to Wolf Eye
You never wander for four moons
So stay for four nights
in the open and with the cows, sleep in grass, stand on dirt.
And on the five morning
they come for him
and they bathe him from the bucket, with an ax head in it
to cool the water
And now as be the custom, the men say,
big man fitting in boy skin
to become a man, but look he is a fool.
As be the custom, the men say,
look at him little boy kehkeh, it not ready to be a man yet.
He can’t work a woman koo, better he dig an anthole.
As be the custom, the men say.
Is that why you have husband and not a wife?
Is you the wife?
Strength now, Wolf Eye. Anger is weakness.
So in come the cutter ready for the event
sharp with one knife
the Wolf Eye, he have no mother,
so the chief wife, she be the mother.
She send ox hide for him to sit on
and that way not shame the gods.
They lead him, yes they lead him
past the cattle kraal
past the houses of great elder
up to a little hill where on top is a hut
and he say
Kick the knife, and we will kill you.
Run from the knife
And we disown you
The grand cutter, he take chalk and mark a line
from forehead to nose.
The grand cutter, he take milk and pour all over the Wolf Eye.
The grand cutter, he grab the slain and pull, and pull
he say, One cut!
Kick the knife and we will kill you.
Run from the knife and we will disown you.
He say, One cut!
And the Wolf Eye, he grab the cutter arm
and he say, No.
Listen to me, he say No.
The man in the mountain and the women in the river
hear a whisper that drop like thunder
and everybody quiet.
The Wolf Eye say, The sum of my days
is all about cutting the woman out
Cut her out of me
cut her out of my mother
cut her out of all who walk and carry the world
And he look down at him maleness
crowned at the top by femaleness
and say
What in this make wrong,
how is this not the will of the gods
and if it’s not the will of the gods
then it is the will of me
he look at Mossi and say
You tell me I cut all woman out
from my mother to whoever pass the house
when it is I who leave my mother
and I who would now cut away my own self
and with this he get up
and with this he leave the knife
and he walk away
and the people silent for he still a fierce man
But Mossi trouble him more
Soon as they come back to the tree
this he say,
Stop thinking you have peace
you know what I mean
and Wolf Eye say he don’t know. So stop
and Mossi say, Why tell me stop if you don’t know
And in this way Mossi nag Tracker
And nag and nag and boy he nag
and Tracker raise his hand to strike Mossi
and Mossi say, Nobody has ever loved you finer
but lay that hand on me and you will see it cut off
and shoved in your mouth.
Fine, Tracker say, I will go
just to stop you from being the cockatoo.
And the day come when he turn to go
And he stagger, and he fall, and he say
Come with me or I will fall in the bush
And Mossi go, and the children go
and even me go for Tracker say, Don’t act as if you
don’t belong to this house
And in this way
Tracker and his kin set off for his mother
What a sight we must be in Juba!
But that is not the story
For Tracker stagger ten times before we get to the gate.
And Mossi hold him up ten times strong
So they get to the door
and a girl open the door who look like him
that is what me and Mossi think
And she don’t say nothing, but she let them in
and jump out of the way when the Ball Boy
roll through, and the Giraffe Boy had to duck
and in a blue room
she sit
looking old and weak but her eyes look young
When did he die? Tracker ask.
When a grandfather was supposed to die, she say.
And he look at her like he have something to say
And his mouth quiver like he have something to say
And Mossi start to move we out of the room
like he have something to say
But Tracker stagger again and this time he fall
And she stoop down and touch his cheek
One of your eyes didn’t come from me, she say
and what come out his mouth was a wail
And he wail for his mother
And he wail for his mother
And night come for day
And day come for night
And still he wail.
Hear me now,
I stay in the monkeybread tree ten and nine moons.
The day I was leaving the children cry,
and Mossi hang his head down low
and even the Wolf Eye said, But why do you leave your home?
But a man like me, we are like the beast,
we must roam,
or we die.
Listen to me now.
The day before I leave,
A black Leopard come to the tree.
Stop him.
Stop him now. Stop him or I will find a way to end everything this very night. And then you will know nothing about how anything ended.
I will tell you what happened next.
I will tell you everything.
TWENTY-THREE
I want it known that you made me do this. I want to see it written in a tongue that I recognize. Show me. I will not speak until you show me. How will you write it? Will you note what I said, or just say, The prisoner said this? Stop talking about truth—I fed you truth all along, but as I said before, what you want is story. I have given you many, but I will give you a final one. Then you can talk to her and send us to burn.
In this story I see her. She walked like somebody was following her.
Why do you stop me?
Did you not hear the griot?
The Leopard came to visit me and seduced me with talk of adventure. Of course he was all cunning—he is a leopard. And I went with him to find a fat and stupid man who sold gold and salt and smelled of chicken shit, who had vanished. But he had not vanished. Fuck the gods, inquisitor, which story do you wish to hear? No I will not tell you both. Look at me.
I will not tell you both.
So.