“Tonight, on the rooftop back at the Order, when the angels attacked, I didn’t think, I leaped to protect you. It was instinctive, despite the fact that my daughter stood close by. You were all I thought of. Saving you.”
Now, Faith’s mind was pleading with him silently to shut up. To not say anymore. Inside her heart was breaking for all that she could have had. Screaming it wasn’t fair. As though anything in life was ever fair.
“I don’t know how things will work out. I’ve never considered anything more than the most casual relationship with a human. But I want to try. I don’t want to lose you. We’ll find a way.”
How could they, she wanted to scream. She was dying. She’d believed she was slowly coming to terms with that fact, rather than existing in a state of total denial, but now she wanted to live. And she was going to hurt him so badly. Things should never have come this far. She should have told him and now it was too late. She needed him to leave her. To be the one to walk away. That way he would hate her instead of hurt.
Then she would get away from this place.
“Faith?”
…
Something was wrong.
She was like a statue in his arms. He could feel her withdrawing from him and he didn’t understand why. He knew she cared for him; her emotions had been so easy to read while they’d made love.
Now, she placed her palms on his chest and pushed herself away. Her lips were swollen from his kisses and he had the urge to kiss her some more. Stop her saying the words she was obviously girding herself to speak. She dragged her lower lip between her teeth and bit down so hard that a bead of blood pearled on her lip. Slipping out of his grasp, she got down from the bed. His robe lay where she had dropped it, and she picked it up but didn’t put it on, just clutched the silk to her as though the flimsy barrier could protect her from him.
She collected herself together and stared him in the eyes. “You’re a demon,” she said. “I could never love a demon.”
He searched her face, trying to see behind the words. “Why?”
Her eyes widened at his question, but it was perfectly reasonable.
“All my life I’ve wanted to be on the side of the good guys. It’s why I joined the force. I wanted to fight against evil. I didn’t believe in the monsters back then, but if I had, I would have wanted to fight them as well.”
Darkness swirled in his mind. “So you think me evil?” he purred the words and saw her start in shock. “One of the monsters?”
She glanced away, but when she looked back, resolve hardened in her eyes. “Aren’t you?”
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and rose to his feet. She was tall for a woman but even in his human form, he towered over her. “What do you think?” he asked. “After all, I think we’ve gotten to know each other well in the last few days and certainly in the last hour.” He cast a glance at the bed behind him.
Anger flared in her eyes. “But we didn’t know each other, did we? I didn’t know you were a demon until you had no choice but to show your true self. Would you ever have told me otherwise?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t believe you.”
He’d told her he cared. For the first time since Lily had died, he had allowed himself to care for someone, and she had thrown it back in his face.
“You knew what I was when I took you to my bed. So it’s okay to fuck the monsters but not to share your life with them?”
There was that pain again, shadowing her eyes, but banished quickly.
She shrugged. “I fancied you. It had been a long time and—”
“Fancied?” he interrupted, his tone incredulous. Rage built inside him and he fought for control. Part of him wanted to hurt her, but something at the back of his mind told him he would bitterly regret it if he harmed her physically however much his rage might drive him now.
That would make him the monster she believed him to be. And that wasn’t who he was—not anymore. He’d lived a long time, done some dark, dark deeds, but he’d changed. Maybe his almost friendship with Roz had started that change, but his love for Lily had solidified it. Transformed him beyond anything he could have imagined. Oh, the darkness still lived inside him, would always be there, a part of what he was, but he now knew he no longer had to give in to that craving. That he had a choice.
Could she not see how far he had come from what he had been? What he could be even now?
Obviously not, and the need to hurt her in return tore at his insides, demanded that she feel the same.
He stepped closer. “And do you still fancy me?” he said silkily.
She shook her head but not before he saw the flare of desire in her eyes. She wanted him. And she could have him. The blood rushed to his groin. Maybe sex was the only way to reach her. She was raising walls against him and he needed to smash them down.
She thought him a monster. He’d show her a little of the monster inside him.
Her gaze shifted down his body and her eyes widened as she took in his erection. He released a little of his control and the wings sprouted from his back. He flexed them so the tips brushed the walls on either side of the room.