“Of course they are!” I said. “People are already noticing, that’s why we’ve got to put a stop to it as quick as we can, before things get too out of hand—”
Hunter was shaking his head at me, a frown tight across his lips, refusing to go along with what I was saying or even try to understand where I was coming from.
Why was he stonewalling me like this? Couldn’t he see how much it was hurting me just to say this; couldn’t he have any mercy?
“Ally, just stop, listen to yourself.” His expression grew hard as he cut me off. “Now look, if someone has been spreading rumors, I can…”
“No, no!” The last thing I needed was Hunter charging in like a white knight and confirming everyone’s opinion that we were sleeping together. “It’s just…this is really for the best. This has to end.”
“Oh really?” he said, crossing his arms. “That doesn’t sound like you at all. Someone is spreading rumors, aren’t they? It’s those assholes you work with!”
“What does it matter who it is?” I snapped, throwing up my hands. “The fact is that it’s happening! And I can’t afford to have people think that I’m some kind of—”
“What do you care what those jerks think?” he said, taking a step towards me, his hand reaching for my shoulder as if to pull me into his line of thinking.
I almost let him. I wanted so badly to be told that I could have everything I wanted, that everything would turn out fine, that we could live happily ever after.
But I knew we couldn’t. I pulled away from his touch as if his hand were a snake.
The hurt on his face couldn’t have been greater if I had slapped him. It was followed quickly by fury. He took another stride closer; I could feel his body trembling with suppressed anger, I could feel heat radiating off him. “Is what we have so fragile that you’re going to go running from the first sign of trouble? I thought you were better than that. I thought you were strong enough to stand on your own, not be influenced by the opinions of men you don’t even like.”
I clenched my fist before my hand could rise up and slap him. Was he really so blind? Couldn’t he see how different it was for him? A man could dick around all he wanted and no one looked twice. A woman made one mistake, and her career was done forever.
“As if you would know the first thing about standing on your own,” I said, my voice trembling. “Tell me, Hunter Knox, is it terribly lonely up there on your high horse with only your millions for company? How you must have struggled, having your opportunities occasionally delivered to you on a silver platter instead of a gold one.”
“You think I’ve had it easy?” Hunter countered, his volume rising to match my own. “You think I haven’t worked and sweated and goddamn bled for this goddamn company? You don’t know me. You don’t know one fucking thing about what I’ve had to do these past years.”
Rage coursed like acid through my veins. “And you don’t know one fucking thing about what I have to do right now, every single day.”
Hunter shook his head, his expression fierce. “I’m not letting you walk away from this, Ally.”
As if I had wanted to walk away. As if this were anything other than my only choice. Oh, Hunter. Oh, proud, beautiful, angry Hunter. My heart felt like it was going to burst with regret and loss and rage and desire.
“There’s nothing to walk away from. We only ever had a beginning. And it might seem like it matters to you now, but one day, you won’t even remember it.”
“Ally—”
“It’s done, Hunter.” I tried to walk away but he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, attempting to pull me back toward him. I resisted his touch, keeping my body still and refusing to turn around.
“Is this…is this really what you want?” he asked. “I’ll respect your choice if it is, and we can end this for good, but—”
“Yes,” I said, my voice cracking at the lie. “It’s what I really want.”
I turned and ran, Cinderella fleeing the ball, before he could hear me cry.
Before he could realize just how much I wanted him to persuade me to stay.
ELEVEN
I muffled my tears through my hands, head bent over my desk in my semi-private cubicle.
It didn’t make sense. I had won. Hunter had once again gone for my ideas over those of the Douchebros. Mr. Avery, my boss, had greenlit them too. I should have been happier than I’d ever been in my life. I was finally on my way to the top.
But all I could think about was what I had left behind.
I had steeled myself for the Douchebros’ heckling, and kept an un-amused smile on my face as they harangued me, letting their own immature complaints about a lack of sex and explosions in my concept speak for themselves.
But somehow I hadn’t steeled myself against Hunter’s cool indifference.
He had approved my concept while barely glancing up from his phone.
He hadn’t met my eyes once.
He had walked away in the middle of my attempt to thank him for going with my idea.
His rejection hurt like nothing I had ever experienced before. I felt as if my heart were ripping in two, as if I were drowning, as I were falling forever, as if I had already fallen and broken every bone in my body.
And now he was gone, back on a plane to Virginia, and I was stuck here in D.C. alone with my heartbreak, trying to cry discreetly so no one else would discover how upset I was.
I was counting the hours till I could escape work and go home to family dinner. That’s how bad it was.
#
My dad passed me the mashed potatoes with a silent look of commiseration as my mother chattered on. We were both doing our best to get by with the minimum amount of nods and ‘mm-hmms,’ and eventually she would notice and there would be scolding. But for now there was food.
Roast beef and mashed potatoes and braised greens and perfectly toasted rolls were arranged artfully on the best china, on a little pink checkered tablecloth that would’ve done Betty Crocker proud. And it was delicious. Almost enough to make up for the conversation.