She continued to do her thing, freezing frames as she moved the wand around my growing belly. Lying in the position in this same room several times now, it was easy to see the progression week after week. The first time, it had been hard to believe anything was really different. My stomach had been smooth and flat. Now, there was evidence. Anyone who looked at me could see I was carrying precious cargo, and any second now, I’d know if that tiny kicker I’d grown to love was a boy or a girl.
Each new image the technician showed gave us another glimpse. It was no longer a little lima bean but rather a small baby-shaped blob. She pointed out feet and legs, arms and head. It was crystal clear, but I could see just the outline of everything.
“Okay, are you ready? I’m going to see if I can get a peek between those legs.”
Jude gave me a quick glance, his lip turned up in amusement.
“Well . . .” She pondered over that word for a moment or two.
We waited in anticipation.
“Looks like you’ve got a very unlucky boy or a little girl on your hands!”
“A girl?” Jude said, completely stunned.
“A girl? Really?” I echoed, the words coming out soft and strained.
I looked at the image again—the rounded belly, the two perfect arms, and the beautiful head.
Of course it was a girl.
Jude looked over at me, his eyes brimming with tears, as he mouthed the word, Angel.
He squeezed my hand, holding it to his lips, and he placed a gentle kiss in the center.
“Guess I owe you a name?” he said.
“Meara,” I simply stated.
He let it hang in the air before smiling. “It’s beautiful.”
“I remembered seeing it somewhere when we were in Ireland. Maybe a waitress, for all I know, but I looked up the name last week in our baby book because I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.”
The technician finished up and promised to send everything to the doctor. After I cleaned the goo off my belly and readjusted my shirt, I caught Jude’s gaze.
He asked, “And what does it mean? The name?”
“Sea. It means the sea. I thought it was perfect.”
He helped me off the table and pulled me into his arms.
“It is. Perfect and beautiful, just like you.”
My smiling eyes lifted to his.
“You’re going to make me repaint the nursery anyway, aren’t you?” he asked, knowing it was coming.
“Well, I mean, a girl does deserve more than just plain old yellow.” I shrugged, laughing.
“Slave driver.”
“Oh, good. Now that we’re talking about it, those curtains really need to be changed, too. I don’t know what I was thinking and—”
He just chuckled under his breath the entire way home as I mentally redecorated the entire room we’d just completed.
It didn’t matter though because she was healthy. Meara was healthy, and life was perfect.
AS THE WEATHER grew hot and spring turned to summer, we settled into our quiet new life on the coast of California. Long gone were the bright lights of the city, now replaced by lazy evenings nestled around the deck, watching sunsets night after night.
We knew it was temporary. We knew we’d eventually have to go back to a life filled with more—more responsibility, more to do, and more required of both of us.
But for now, we simply just enjoyed each other.
Finally, it wasn’t about making up for time lost or trying to cram in as much as possible before some inevitable doomsday occurred. It was only about the present, living in the moment.
Seeing Meara for the first time in that ultrasound, giving her a name after all those weeks of looking at grainy photos up on the screen, had suddenly made something click for both of us.
We were having a child, and yes, a million and a half things could go wrong between now and then. But did either of us want to look back and regret the moments we’d lost while worrying about it? No, we’d want to know we had spent every second making the most of our time together.
So, that was exactly what we’d done over the last few months. We’d slowed down and remembered, rekindling the honeymoon lifestyle we’d fallen in love with before this all began—lazy days on the beach, long nights wrapped in each other by the fire. It was time we would have never gotten otherwise, and we relished in it, drinking in every ounce of each other until there was no beginning and no end. It was one never-ending baby moon, as our family called it.
Whatever it was called, it worked. I could see a marked change in Lailah. Her stress level had lessened. Her blood pressure had improved, and so far, everything seemed to be going well.
At least, it had been—until last night.
Just when I’d finally believed we could make it through to the other side without complications, the floor had caved in.
We always knew there was a chance things could go bad.
I’d just never expected this.
I didn’t know why I’d awoken.
Maybe I already knew. Somehow, deep down in the marrow of my being, I’d known tonight was the night everything would change. Our extended honeymoon was over, and like the sound of a movie reel settling back into place, our life was restarting.
Whatever the reason, I’d woken up to find Lailah tossing madly. She was in a deep sleep, her eyes moving rapidly, as the moonlight drifted through the window, casting a deep shadow across her tortured face.
“Lailah,” I whispered tenderly, caressing the skin across her cheekbone.