“He’s great.” Alison wiggled around until she was facing Claire. “What’s the matter, Mommy? You look like you’re gonna cry. The worms don’t feel anything. Honest.”
She stroked Alison’s soft cheek. “You’re my whole world, Ali Kat. You know that, don’t you? No one could ever take your place in my heart.”
Alison and Elmo kissed Claire. “I know that.” Alison giggled and scampered out of Claire’s lap. “I gotta go. Grandpa’s taking me to Smitty’s Garage. We’re gonna get the truck fixed.”
As she watched her daughter run out the front door, heard her yell “Grandpa! Bobby! I’m here!” Claire felt the pressing weight of responsibility again. How did a woman know if she was being selfish, and was that necessarily a bad thing, anyway? Men were selfish all the time and they built multibillion-dollar corporations and rockets that flew to the moon.
But what if the marriage didn’t work?
There it was. The clay beneath it all.
She needed to talk to someone about this. Not her sister, of course. A friend. She dialed Gina’s number.
Gina answered on the first ring. “Hello?”
Claire slumped back into the oversize chair and put her feet up. “It’s me. The Insta-Marry Queen.”
“Yeah, Claire. That’s you.”
“Meghann thinks I’m being an idiot.”
“Since when do we care what she thinks? She’s an attorney, for God’s sake. That’s below invertebrates on the evolutionary chain.”
Claire’s chest eased. She smiled. “I knew you’d put it in perspective.”
“That’s what friends are for. Would you like me to sing that?”
“Please, no. I’ve heard you sing. Just tell me I’m not being a selfish bitch who is going to ruin her daughter’s life by marrying a stranger.”
“Oh, so it’s your mother we’re talking about.”
“I don’t want to be like her.” Claire’s voice was suddenly soft.
“I’ve known you since all five of us showed up for the first day of school in the same blue shirt. I remember when you bought cream to make your boobs grow and still believed in sea monkeys. Honey, you’ve never been selfish. And I’ve never seen you this happy. I don’t care that you’ve known him less than two weeks. God has finally given you the gift of love and passion. Don’t return it unopened.”
“I’m scared. I should have done this when I was young and optimistic.”
“You are young and optimistic, and of course you’re scared. If you’ll remember, I had to drink two tequila straight shots to marry Rex—and we’d lived together for four years.” She paused. “I probably shouldn’t have used us as an example. But the point remains. A smart person is afraid of marriage. You made it past the marriage-for-marriage’s-sake years and you haven’t reached the nursing-home-desperation years. You met a man and fell in love. So it happened fast. Big deal. If you’re not ready to marry him, by all means, wait. But don’t wait because your big sister made you question yourself. Follow your heart.”
Claire’s gut was clenched, her mind was clouded, but her heart was crystal clear. “What would I do without you?”
“The same thing I’d do without you—drink too much and whine to strangers.”
Claire heard the tiny thread of depression in Gina’s voice. It made her love her friend all the more for listening to her problems while her own whole world was caving in. “How are you doing?”
“This day or this week? I’ve got more mood swings than a teenager, and my ass is starting to look like a Buick.”
“No jokes, Gigi. How are you?”
She sighed. “Shitty. Rex came by last night. The son of a bitch has lost about ten pounds and dyed his hair. Pretty soon he’ll ask me to call him the Rexster again.” She paused. “He wants to marry that woman.”
“Ouch.”
“Ouch with a blowtorch. I’m remembering the day he proposed to me, and he’s pricing diamonds. It hurts like hell. But you haven’t heard the real news: Joey’s back.”
“You’re kidding. Where’s he been?”
There was a pause, the sound of movement, then Gina lowered her voice. “I don’t know. Here and there, he says. He looks bad. Older. He got home yesterday. He’s been asleep for almost thirteen hours. Honestly, I hope I never love anyone as much as he loved Diana.”
“What’s he going to do?”
“I don’t know. I said he could stay here, but he won’t. He’s like some animal that’s been in the wild too long. And this house brings back a lot of memories. He stared at the picture of my wedding for almost an hour. Honest to God, I wanted to cry.”
“Give him my love.”
“You got it.”
They talked for a few more minutes about ordinary, everyday things. By the time they hung up, Claire felt better. The ground beneath her feet felt firm again. Thinking about Joe and Diana helped, too. With everything that had gone wrong between those two, they still were proof that love could be real.