“I’m not going to dignify that with an answer. Even I am not that big a bitch.”
Claire looked out the window. “A friend of mine went through chemo and radiation.…” She stared at the sparkling city, but all she really saw was Diana wasting away, losing her soul along with her hair. In the end, all those treatments hadn’t helped at all. “I don’t want Ali to see me like that. She can stay with Dad. We’ll visit every weekend.”
“I’ll rent a car for Bobby. That way you guys can drive back and forth.”
“I’m not going to tell Bobby … yet.”
Meghann frowned. “What?”
“I am not going to call my brand-new husband and tell him I have a brain tumor. He’ll come home, and I couldn’t stand that.” Claire looked at her. “He’s waited his whole life for this break. I don’t want to ruin it for him.”
“But if he loves you—”
“He does love me,” she answered fiercely. “That’s the point. And I love him. I want him to have his chance. Besides, there’s nothing he can do but hold my hand.”
“I thought the point of love was holding each other up through the hard times.”
“That’s what I’m doing.”
“Really? It sounds to me like you’re afraid he won’t want to come.”
“Shut up.”
Meghann went to her sister then, sat down beside her. “I know you’re scared, Claire. And I know Mama and I left you a long time ago. I know … we hurt you. But you have to give Bobby the chance to—”
“This isn’t about the past.”
“My shrink says everything is about our past, and I’m beginning to agree with her. The point is—”
“Do not tell me the point of my own life. Please.” Claire’s voice cracked. “I’m the one who has a tumor. Me. You don’t get to organize or critique my choices, okay? I love Bobby and I am not going to ask him to sacrifice everything for me.” Claire stood up. “We better get going. I need to tell Dad what’s going on.”
“What about Mama?”
“What about her?”
“You want to call her?”
“And hear her say she’s too busy picking out sofa fabrics to visit her sick daughter? No, thanks. I’ll call her if I get worse. You know how she hates unnecessary scenes. Now let’s go.”
Two hours later, Meg turned onto River Road and they were there. Late-afternoon sunlight drizzled down the yellow clapboard sides, caught the blooming pink roses and turned them orange. The garden was a riot of color. A small bicycle with training wheels lay on its side in the overgrown grass.
Claire whispered, “Oh, man …”
“You can do it,” Meg said. “Radiation can save you. Just like we talked about. I’ll help you.”
Claire’s smile was wobbly. “I need to do this alone.”
Meg understood. This was Claire’s family, not hers. “Okay.”
Claire got out of the car and walked haltingly up the path. Meg fell in step beside her, offering a solid arm for support.
At the front door, Claire paused, drew in a deep breath. “I can do this. Mommy’s sick.”
“And the doctors are going to make her better.”
She looked helplessly at Meghann. “How do I promise that? What if—”
“We talked about this, Claire. You promise it. We’ll worry about what if later.”
Claire nodded. “You’re right.” Forcing a smile, she opened the door.
Sam sat on the sofa, wearing a pair of faded overalls and a smile. “Hey, you two, you’re late. How was the spa week?” Halfway through the sentence, his smile faded. He looked to Claire, then to Meghann. Slowly, he got to his feet. “What’s going on?”
Alison was on the floor, playing with a Fisher-Price barnyard set. “Mommy!” she said, scrambling to her feet and running for them.
Claire dropped to her knees and scooped Alison into her arms.
Meghann saw the way her sister was trembling, and she longed to reach out to her, to hold her as she had when they were kids. She felt a fresh surge of rage. How could this happen to Claire? How could her sister possibly look into her daughter’s eyes and say I’m sick without breaking like finely spun sugar?
“Mommy,” Alison said at last, “you’re squishing me.” She wiggled out of her mother’s arms. “Did you bring me home a present? Can we all go to Hawaii for Christmas? Grandpa says—”
Claire stood up. She glanced nervously back at Meghann. “Pick me up at six, okay?” Then, smiling, Claire faced her father and daughter. “I need to talk to you two.”
Meghann had never seen such bravery.
I need to do this alone.
She backed out of the door, ran for the safety of her car, and drove away.
She didn’t even know where she was going until she was there.
The cabin looked dark, unoccupied.
She parked out front and killed the engine. Leaving her purse in the car, she headed across the street and walked up to the front door.
She knocked.