In the end I’ll have to grind up against him. That’s the promise our bodies make when we shake our asses on the stage. That’s all we are in this building, a warm body to rub against. But I just give him my practiced sultry smile and continue to dance.
There’s a tight feeling in my gut. Every time I’ve felt it, I end up getting hurt. It’s a little like falling, though. Knowing doesn’t help you stop. There’s no way I can avoid getting close to him. I’m already close to him. There’s no way I can avoid shoving my ass against his dick, dry humping him for a handful of bills.
That’s when he grabs my wrist. I freeze.
“No touching,” I say, my voice low in case one of the bouncers is walking by. They keep a pretty tight watch on the VIP rooms. That’s what I like about this club—at least, I did before Blue became head of security here.
It doesn’t matter that I tried to keep it down, because his voice booms in the small space. “What the fuck do you mean, no touching? What’s the fucking room for if not touching?”
It’s true I’m more likely to let a little groping slide when we’re in private. Especially if I know the tip is going to be nice. But I don’t let anyone grab me. I don’t let anyone hold me down. I’m not a scared foster kid with nowhere to go.
“No touching,” I say again. “Or you can take it up with one of the bouncers.”
Of course that only makes him hold me tighter. He yanks me off balance, and on these heels, I don’t stand a chance. I fall right into his lap, into his arms, in a sick parody of a romantic embrace.
Then his hands are on my breasts, squeezing, twisting, pinching.
I gasp in shock—and then pain. Other than that, I don’t make a sound. My brain is shutting down on me. My body too. I know he’s touching me, hurting me, pinning me in place.
But I also know how to block it out. My body does that automatically now, almost against my will. I could shout and scream. I could fight. But when has that ever helped me?
Not ever.
Some part of me is made of steel—a small, dark part. I’m a metal pipe covered in blood at my core. My arms are pinned, but I can still reach down. I reach for his lap, and it makes me laugh, almost, the way he moans when I touch him. As if he thinks this will get better for him. As if he thinks I will give in. I grip his dick through the cloth of his pants and then squeeze as hard as I can.
He yelps and jumps up, knocking me to the floor. I land hard on my ass, my head knocking against the wall. The chair hits the other wall with a thud.
“You stupid bitch,” he snarls. He’s coming at me.
With one hand on my throat he drags me up the wall.
That’s how Blue finds us. The look on his face is pure rage.
He slams Travis back, pushing his elbow against the man’s windpipe. There’s hardly room for two people in these tiny rooms—and not three. Definitely not three when one of them is bellowing breaths like a bull, when his muscles are bulging and he looks like he’s about to charge.
Without a hand on my throat, I slide to the ground, sitting my bare ass flush against the cold concrete floor. I’m trembling. How am I trembling? I have enough experience for this not to affect me.
There will never be enough experience.
This is my life, but I’m still not used to it. I’m still afraid.
“Let’s get one thing straight,” Blue says, his voice deadly even, belying the wild look in his eyes. “If it were up to me, you’d leave this club crawling on your fucking hands because I’d have taken a bat to your knees. Understand?”
He waits until the guy gives a quick, wide-eyed nod. The sound of his choked gasps fill the space.
“Instead I’m going to let you walk out of here. Your ass. On the street. Got it?”
There is a pause where I imagined the guy arguing with him. No way. It’s not fair. It’s my fucking party. I’ve heard every one of those excuses. I know Blue has too. Maybe that’s why he seems to lean in, pressing his forearm harder on the guy’s throat until he chokes and sputters and nods his head.
“Good.” Blue steps back, and the guy slumps against the wall. “Now get out your fucking wallet.”
Now the guy does argue, his voice thin and wheezy. “I’m not paying her. She didn’t finish the fucking dance.”
“You should’ve thought of that before you put her in a choke hold. Now pay up.”
The guy must realize he’s lost, especially when Blue looms in the opening, the only way out. A handful of bills are tossed around me like confetti. I watch one land on my knees with a sense of unreality. It’s all so strange—being hurt, being used. And Blue coming to save me. So strange and yet familiar too.
Blue drags the guy outside and disappears for long minutes. Only when Candy appears to help me up do I realize he’s not coming back.
*
Candy leads me through the floor, ignoring the curious stares of the customers.