They slid into an empty pew at the back, and Grace looked around. The church was long and thin with an ornate high ceiling. The organ droned in the background as the congregation filed in, then struck up with a renewed vigour as the clergy processed slowly down the aisle.
When the service began, Grace let the words wash over her, the vicar’s voice rising and falling in prayer. When she was asked to kneel, she pressed her face against her hands and let her tears come in silent relief, acknowledging how helpless she felt, and sending out a plea that the coming year would be brighter and happier for Millie and for herself.
When the service ended, she felt lighter. She hadn’t so much as looked at Ben since entering the church, but now, as people began to wish one another a merry Christmas, he turned to her with a smile. ‘Happy Christmas, Grace.’ She smiled in reply, enjoying the snatched moment of tranquillity. Then she glanced at her watch.
‘Oh no, I’ve got to get back. Annabel and James will be going mad … and I need to get home for Millie.’
‘The ball doesn’t finish until one,’ Ben reassured her. ‘They might not have even registered that you’ve gone.’
But Grace had no doubt that they would have noticed by now. ‘Can we go quickly?’ she asked as they hurried out of the church, saying a brief Merry Christmas to the vicar before rushing back to Ben’s car.
Ben unlocked the doors as he went swiftly around to the driver’s side. ‘Don’t panic, Grace, we’ll be there in ten minutes,’ he said as they climbed inside.
During the journey, Grace jiggled her knees up and down impatiently. But as they came onto the long gravel drive she was distracted from her worry, as Ben said, ‘Look, why don’t I leave you all to have Christmas dinner on your own. I don’t want to intrude.’
‘Ben, you’re not intruding – really,’ Grace insisted, keen for him to come after he had been so gently supportive of her tonight. ‘We’d love to have you. Annabel will grumble all day if you back out now …’
‘Well, all right, if you’re sure.’
For some reason his detachment infuriated her, and she twisted in her seat to face him. ‘Ben, why are you house-sitting in the middle of nowhere on your own? What’s going on?’ Jenny’s wary face and long auburn hair flashed through her mind. What role did that woman play in his life?
Ben lapsed into silence for a long moment, his features grim, before he said, ‘I have some unfinished business, like you.’
‘You skirt around giving straight answers every single time, do you realise that?’ Grace demanded, irritated.
She saw his jaw tighten. ‘Grace, I can assure you, this is not a Christmas Day kind of conversation.’
She sat back in her seat with an exasperated sigh, unable to think of a reply.
When they reached the end of the drive, instead of going right to the car park, Ben pulled up on the grass beforehand.
‘Will you be all right from here?’ he asked.
‘Yes, of course,’ she said, puzzled. But before she could turn away, he slowly leaned towards her, and she felt her heartbeat skitter as his face drew close to hers. She smelled his aftershave again, studied the taut line of his jaw, and when his face was almost touching hers, she looked into his eyes. He was watching her curiously.
She had forgotten to breathe. Then she heard the latch of her door as he opened it for her, and he straightened back up into his seat, even though he was still scrutinising her.
‘Ben,’ Grace began as she let go of her breath, forgetting that anyone was waiting for her now. She sensed she might not get another chance at such intimacy with him. ‘You can trust me, you know.’
Ben leaned back, staring at the car roof. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘I know that, Grace. I just don’t want you to think …’ He stopped, apparently lost for the next words. Then he turned to face her. ‘I left here under a cloud, Grace. A very, very black cloud.’
‘Even so, can’t you come and join the final hour of the party?’ she urged, giving his sleeve a small tug of encouragement. ‘Have a drink for Christmas, forget your troubles for a little while. You can stick with us,’ she added, in case he was worried about more reactions like those of the publicans in Roseby – briefly trying to imagine what he might have done to have caused them, then wishing she hadn’t.
‘I wish I could. I drove all the way over here because my sister told me to come – in fact she said it was an excellent idea – but now I’m here I doubt it very much.’
‘I didn’t know you had a sister,’ Grace said, pleased that he had shared this small confidence with her.
‘I have four of them, Grace,’ Ben replied, ‘and three are in there right now, along with my mother, who hasn’t spoken to me for fourteen years, and who still isn’t ready to talk to me now.’
Grace’s mouth dropped open as her mind began clicking things into place.
‘Meredith?’ she breathed, unable to believe it.
‘Yes, Grace,’ Ben said. ‘Meredith is my mother.’