I glanced up at him, appreciative. He hadn’t given up on me. No matter what I said or did, he was right there, waiting to take care of me.
Jack patted Tyler on the shoulder, and the crew walked out to the cars parked in the street, chatting excitedly about the brawl.
Tyler waved to them and then turned to me, beginning a full minute of silence in the alley in front of Turk’s. I folded my arms across my middle, feeling the sweat on my skin chill in the autumn air.
“You cold?” Tyler asked. “My jacket is in the truck.”
“I’m fine.”
“So … I’m confused,” he began. “Liam and Jojo?”
I laughed out loud, holding my hands out to my sides and letting them fall to my thighs. “I guess. I’m just as surprised as you are.”
“Watts said he asked you to go on a road trip with him.”
I nodded.
“What did you say?”
“A road trip costs money that I don’t have.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“Tyler...”
His shoulders sagged. “It doesn’t matter what I do, does it? I just can’t…” He gestured to the space between us. “Get past whatever’s in the way.”
I pressed my lips together and clamped down with my teeth. I’d been doing so well staying away from him. It would only be cruel to admit the truth.
“What?” he said with a half-smile. “Say it.”
I shook my head.
“Don’t be a pussy, Ellison. Say it,” he repeated.
“I shouldn’t.”
“Yeah. You should.”
“I miss you,” I blurted out.
He scanned my face, a new light in his eyes.
I closed my eyes. “I think about you all the time … mostly wondering why you put up with so much of my shit.”
“You and me both.”
I looked away, trying to find something that warranted my attention so Tyler wouldn’t see the hurt in my eyes.
“But, when I’m around you, Ellie … it doesn’t matter why. It doesn’t matter what you did to piss me off or push me away. I can’t explain it. I can’t shake it. Some days I wish I could. I come from a family of proud men, but I’m not the first to falter when it comes to the one woman he can’t walk away from.”
“You should … walk away from me.”
He chuckled. “You think I don’t know that? You’re the female version of me.”
I glanced up at him, pleased with his confession. “When you showed up tonight, I was happier than I’ve been in a long time.”
He didn’t hesitate, taking my cheeks in his hands. He leaned in, but I pulled back.
He furrowed his brow. “Then what? What do I have to do?”
My eyes burned as I clutched the mid-section of his shirt with both fists. “I’ve already told you. I’ve told you a hundred times. I’m fucked up. I’m drinking again. I’m taking spiked coffee to work.”
He shrugged. “So we start over.”
There was that word again. We. It didn’t sound so foreign anymore, and that scared the hell out of me. “It’s not that simple. I’m not in any shape to try to manage a relationship.”
Tyler looked into my eyes, and then yanked his shirt from my grip and walked away with his hands on his head, breathing hard.
“I know I’m a dick,” I said. “You don’t deserve this. But I tried to warn you.”
“Warn me about what?” he yelled, holding his hands in front of him. “That it feels amazing to be with you? That it’d be incredible to watch you give up everything and fight your ass off just on the hope your sister will notice from half a world away? Or maybe you warned me that you’d make me laugh like an idiot?”
I used my sleeve to wipe away an escaped tear. “You could find that with any nice, normal girl.”
“I don’t want a normal girl, Ellie. I want you,” he snapped.
A laugh tumbled from my lips, but my smile quickly faded. “I warned you that I would make you feel like shit. I warned you that you were too nice to get involved with someone like me.”
“Someone like you?” he said, both frustrated and desperate. “You should have warned me that I’d smile every time I think about you—which is all the damn time! You should have warned me about that, too. You should have warned me that you’re beautiful in the morning, in the moonlight, just out of the shower, or with ten days of dirt on your face.”
“It’s not funny.”
“No! It’s not! Goddamn it, Ellie, I’m standing here saying I wanna be with you and you want it, too. I know you do. Your reasons don’t even make sense.”
“They don’t have to make sense to you.”
He breathed out a laugh. “All this time I thought you were a masochist. You’re a fucking sadist.”
“I warned you!” I cried.
“You didn’t warn me that I’d fucking fall in love with you!” Tyler’s veins bulged in his neck, and he put his hands on his hips, catching his breath.
“What?” I choked out.
“You heard me,” he growled. Immediately the anger extinguished from his eyes, replaced with remorse.