“Many times, huh?”
“Shut up.”
Tyler chuckled, finishing his waffle. He paid, and we walked downtown, stopping into various shops. It was strange to see something I liked and not buy it. I found myself looking at price tags for the first time, and once, when I came across an exceptionally soft black turtleneck, calculating my bank balance and upcoming bills in my head to see if I had the extra cash to spend. I didn’t.
I walked around the store, peeking at Tyler through the shelving. He had a few items in his hands, so I waited for him to check out, and then we popped into a candy store. We spent the day walking around, talking about the crew, a lot of playful bickering, trading family stories, and trying to one-up each other on what shocking illegal activities we’d participated in.
I won.
The day wore away, and as the sun ducked behind the green mountaintops, I felt myself already mourning The Day Tyler and I Did Nothing. Wandering aimlessly in downtown Estes was one of my best days.
After a light dinner, Tyler and I walked down the block toward a familiar alley. He casually reached for my hand, at first swinging our arms, and then gently squeezing my fingers when he realized I wasn’t going to pull away. He was wearing jeans, black boots, and a short-sleeved white T-shirt with something about a motorcycle in black ink. It went well the tattoos covering his arms, and I smiled when I thought about the reaction my parents would have if they saw us.
“What do you think? Want to share a Shirley Temple?”
“I thought you said you were tired of the bar scene.”
“We don’t have to go. I don’t want to encourage old habits.”
I pulled my hand away. “I’m not an alcoholic, Tyler. I can be around liquor without drinking.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t believe me.”
“I didn’t say that, either.”
I squeezed his hand, tugging him forward. He resisted for the first few steps, and then gave in. A woman pushed through the door, her heels clicking down the concrete the same way we’d come. Her ankle rolled, and she nearly fell but regained her balance, grumbling curse words until she turned the corner.
Tyler pulled back as I reached for the door with my free hand. I stumbled backward, leaning against him before pushing him away.
“I was kidding, Ellie,” Tyler blurted out. “I don’t think we should go in there. We can find something else to do.”
“At ten o’clock in this town? We go in here, or we go back to headquarters,” I said, pointing at the door. Its chipped black paint was the perfect prologue to what awaited us inside.
I reached for the door again, but Tyler resisted. Just as I began a scathing review of his reluctance, he touched my cheek, looking down on me with concern in his eyes. “Ellie.”
I turned my face away from his touch. My new job and my new life were due to my stubborn pride. Not even being disowned by my parents could make me get my shit straight. My luck was better when I made my own decisions apart from external influences, but I found myself wanting to do things just to make Tyler happy—the sort of stupid, vapid shit Finley did when she liked a guy—things that definitely weren’t me. But then again, I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. Maybe Ellie two-point-oh would skip the bar to play it safe and hide from temptations at headquarters.
I frowned. “C’mon. O’Doul’s, mocktails, and people watching. We can laugh really loud like we’re drunk and slap the table a lot. No one will ever know.”
Tyler was still unconvinced, but I pulled him through the door anyway. A small group of barely legal women sat at a table by the door. A few couples were at the end of the bar near the bathrooms, and a few older local men were peppered across the bar stools. Tyler pointed to the table we had sat at when I was here with Finley and Sterling. The thought of Sterling made my skin crawl. He hadn’t intended to fuck me any more than I’d meant to be fucked when I went to his house that day, but Sterling was the embodiment of rock bottom for me, and I was okay with never seeing him again.
“Hey, you okay?” Tyler asked, sitting next to me. He patted my thigh, bringing me back to the present. I both loved and loathed when he touched me like we were that familiar, as if I belonged to him. Tyler was my new addiction, like flirting with fire on the mountain, loving the danger and waiting for the burn.
“Yeah, why?”
“You just look a little uncomfortable.”
“A couple of O’Doul’s and I’ll be fine.”
Tyler smirked. “Good luck getting some liquid courage with non-alcoholic beer.” He stood, leaving me alone to order at the bar.