I decide right then that it’s time to talk to one of my loyal triumvirate either my two older sisters, Daphne and Maura, or my best friend, Jess. After some consideration, I rule out my sisters, at least preliminarily. Although they always have my best interest at heart, I am pretty sure they won’t stand by me on this one.
Maura’s motivation will have more to do with not wanting me to lose Ben than thinking I should have a baby. She respects my decision not to have a baby. She has three children whom she loves dearly and whom I love dearly but I think in some very quiet, introspective moments, she might nearly regret her decision to have them. Or at least have them with Scott. I have often heard her say that the biggest decision a woman can make in life is not who to marry but who should be the father of her children. “You can’t undo it,” she says. “It bonds you for life.” Although the truth is, I think Maura made a bad decision on both fronts. She is a good example of someone caring too much about passion and excitement and surface appeal rather than being with a solid, good, honest man. I call it the “high school girl phenomenon.” Most girls in high school discount the nice, quiet, slightly nerdish boy and instead seek out the flashy, popular jock. If they somehow land the latter, they truly believe themselves to be the luckiest creatures on the planet. They got the big prize. Yet when they return to their twenty-year reunion, they see the error of their ways. The nice, quiet, slightly nerdish boy has bloomed into the perfect husband, wholesome father, and loyal caretaker while the flashy, popular jock is off in the corner playing grabass with Misty, the slutty ex-cheerleader.
This is, more or less, the Cliff’s Notes version of Maura’s misguided relationship history. She dated a guy named Niles throughout her late twenties, and came very close to marrying him. But when Niles started asking her about rings, she freaked out and decided that he was “too boring and predictable.” She said she couldn’t marry someone who didn’t give her heart palpitations on a daily basis. At the time I was very supportive of her decision. I was all about finding true love and not settling—which is something I still believe in wholeheartedly. But with hindsight, I really think Maura was confusing love with lust—and nice with boring. Niles treated her well and was eager to make a lasting commitment. Thus, she assumed he was somehow unworthy or at least wholly uninteresting. Frankly, I also think Niles’s looks factored into her decision, although she would never admit it. Maura was attracted to Niles, but he wasn’t the sort of guy who other women took note of in a bar. And Maura wanted hot. Maura wanted to impress. So it wasn’t surprising when her first boyfriend after Niles was tall, gorgeous, life-of-the-party Scott. And although I’m sure there are plenty of tall, gorgeous, life-of-the-party guys who are also true to their wives, I happen to believe that a disproportionate number of them are cheaters.
In any event, Scott is a cheater, and I think Maura’s views on my relationship will be colored by the fact that she picked wrong. That, in Daphne’s words, she went with “Suave Scott” over “Nice Niles.” To this point, Maura has spent years being envious of my relationship with Ben, a relationship that is pretty ideal on the inside, and thus looks even more perfect from the outside.
She is never begrudging of my happiness, but Ben is still a constant reminder of what she could have had and what she desperately wants me to appreciate and protect. So I am certain that she will tell me that I should have a baby in order to keep Ben. That I should do anything to keep him. And that is something I really don’t want to hear.